I'm curious what is being taught at colleges & universities these days on infidelity? Does anyone know! It seems that in general the industry is way behind and that they may still be teaching the same theory that was also taught in the 70's & 80's.

Maybe the classes on personality disorders like Bipolar personalities are more fun and interesting.

I must have called 5-6 counselors before choosing our current MC. All of them when questioned about need for answers before recovery could begin. All answered, with varying degrees of conviction, that it wasn't healthy to ask these questions.

And if they are teaching new ideas and methods I must have called all of the older grads who graduated in the late 70's or earlier. Most professions have to have continuing education in order to get licenses renewed in most states. Where are all of these MCs? They must be going to Hawaii on boondoggles and then never attending class.

They did all teach them the same lines, though. Say it in unnison," so what are you thinking?!"

cwmac

I wonder that SAME THING! We saw 2 counselors...the first one had been a counselor for many years. She barely acknowledged the infidelity, even thought I WANTED to talk about it. She acted like as long as I said it was over, it wasn't a big deal. I don't know if she didn't 'count' it because we didn't sleep together. Regardless, my emotions were just as strong! The second counselor was fresh out of school...and she never touched it either. She did more individual. She helped me to grow as a person, but never was a real advocate for our marriage.

MC's DESPERATLY need to be more informed on infidelity. Since such a high rate of their clients are probably dealing with it in some form or another. And they need to be clued in to EMOTIONAL infidelity and the fact that it is NO EASIER to pull away from. Withdrawl is REAL. Marital reconciliation is USELESS until the withdrawl is over. And it helps if the WS can come to understand how the process works...that it's not unique and their OP is not some saint...it's an emotional high.

WS is in the mental health field and all the reactions and emotions experienced by all three of us (BS, WS, and OW) have been a surprise for him. I LB'd one time and said, "Isn't there an Infidelity 101?" Low blow, I know.

My experience has been that many MC's, friends, relatives even the church don't know much about handling the dynamics of infidelity.MBers is probably the most enlightening place anyone can come for help.
As for working on yourself and growing as a person then a good MC can help.