I have been married for 5 months. I just found out that my husband has not been faithful to me since we have been dating (for 2 years now). He has promised to stop seeing the girl, but he keeps telling me that our marriage is not that bad. I am having a hard time with the fact that our marriage has been based on a lie from the day we said "I do".
How do I trust this man that has lied to me from the begining?

Your situation is exactly like mine was. My exh vowed to rebuild and recover our marriage over and over and just could never do it.

Why do you think he has only been unfaithful since "I do"? Looking back over your dating years, do you see things that didn't make sense to you, but now could have been something amiss?

The short answer is you can't build on a lie! Unitl you have honesty (and I doubt you'll ever trust him again) you just can build your marriage.

Have you tried counseling? Do you believe that he will end this affair?

I wish you all the best!

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Need to Pray:
<strong> I have been married for 5 months. I just found out that my husband has not been faithful to me since we have been dating (for 2 years now). He has promised to stop seeing the girl, but he keeps telling me that our marriage is not that bad. I am having a hard time with the fact that our marriage has been based on a lie from the day we said "I do".
How do I trust this man that has lied to me from the begining? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, you shouldn't trust him. He is untrustworthy. If you are willing to settle for someone like this, is he willing to take the steps to change and make his life an open book so that trust building is even possible?

He would have to do MUCH WORK over a long period of time in order to build any trust. You would need access to EVERYTHING, passwords to cellphones, computers, email accounts, everything. Is he willing to do that? And if he were willing would you be willing to stay?

Melodylane,

I know that my husband is not trustworthy. He has allowed me access to everything now. I told him the pager needs to be disconnected and thrown away. We changed our phone number so that she can not call and hang up. We got rid of the internet access, but I am starting to feel like his mother. I do not want to check up on him all of the time.
Yes, we are in counseling. We have also started going to church.
I am hoping and praying that the changes that are being made are permenant and real. Not just to get me trusting in him again so that he can break my heart again.
I know that we have a lot of work, but I want to work on it. I love him and he is worth the pain.

Thanks

Amy

Need to Pray...how tough a situation this must be, since your relationship is so new. But it hurts no matter how long you've been together. My H had his A after 22 yrs of what I thougth was a fabulous marriage, and he re-enforces the fact that it was! I can relate to your feeling that you're like his Mother, as I also feel terrible having to have such control over my H now (I've got all of his passwords, codes, etc., and his life is an open book to me) but I keep reminding myself that he created this problem...not me, and in order to regain my faith in him, we must do this for as long as it takes. He's ok with it, doesn't harbor resentment toward it, and I make sure to thank him for allowing me to have free reign to his every waking moment. I think that's the key. Once you feel comfortable with your H in the "in-depth" talking stages, make sure to thank him for being so open and honest with you. Whatever you do, don't let the open lines of communication break down between you. Pray each day for strength in coping with this...I wish you lots of luck.