What would you say were the things that attracted you to your OM enough to leave your H? What, if any, important EN(emotional needs) did he fulfill that your H wasn't? Do you beleive that if you made the decision to go back to your H, that he would be able to give you what the OM gave you? Thanks in advance.

Sorry, I just found this thread.

I have done a lot of thinking about your question. I beieve the main EN my H was not meeting, were: sexual, affection, admiration, and recreational.

The sexual is something he can improve to a point. I honestly never told him how unhappy and frustrated I was with the quantity and quality, just expected him to know! Stupid I know. The affection thing he would really have to work on. I think it possible that he could meet all of my needs if I was open and honest in what I needed. I really think he would make an effort to make me happy.

The OM initially provided me with all of the EN I mentioned above. Once it got to be PA, the sex was great and that was the final nail in the coffin, so to speak. The sex with my H was never that satisfying, but he does have many other good qualities and I think he could improve in this area. Some of it is things beyond his control, not to go into details. The truth is I really think he is much more inhibited than I am, but I am not bold enough to initiate other/different things. So, I just got more and more frustrated. I also know I frequently put myself in positions in which it was too easy to cheat, sometimes only for the sex.

Men are not the only ones who do that.

IF at some future date you and your H start thinking about reconciliation then this kind of radical honesty of the issues that left you vulnerable to an affair, has to be a must before any recommittment is allowed to proceed. BOTH of you must not go back to the old marriage.

I wish you and your loved ones all the best.