Hey everyone-
Started a dance class tonite....felt SO good to do something for ME!! (great distraction from the 1st distraction! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...
Coincidentally, I have to drive 90 min to the area where he is supposed to (or WAS going to) be working for 3-4 weeks.....(though the W said not anymore!!)I know the city but not exactly where.
Being down there knowing this, I was suddenly wanting to see his truck (and him)in the worst way!!! I was picturing having a face-to-face with him and telling him how I felt about everything....what is wrong with me??!! He hasnt even tried contacting me...gee-wonder why???...could it be the emotional GRENADE I through in his direction??!! I thought by getting the truth out to his W (and burning our bridge basically together)I would be able to totally let go and I still cant!! I dont DARE tell my friends how Im feeling...they'll think Im beyond help probably. Finally I see my therapist tomorrow and I dont even want to tell him that!!
The bottom line is that I still care deeply and miss him.....it just always has felt like NO ONE compares to him!!!....can anyone relate to this?
Misslilly

<small>[ November 02, 2003, 07:36 PM: Message edited by: MissLilly67 ]</small>

Sure, I can relate to that. Even today, 2 years later, I could write pages on how I feel or felt about him. But it's worthless. With an act of will, I can turn away from those feelings.

Similarly, you have to get past it. How he seems and how he is are 2 different things. He's married. End of story, no reason to contemplate how perfect he is for you.

In the course of learning to live with hard truths, you will grow. Be open to that. There is work ahead.

Thank Term.....today is a little better...I think I just need to accept that there WILL be times of struggle and others a little easier. I also think I have to be grateful I am me and not her and that it ended now and not 1, 2, 3 years from now with me in total devastation.
Misslilly

MissLilly, I don't know what sorts of recovery are suggested for folks like you, but I'll bet they're similar to the kinds of things people in Plan B do. I'm thusly really glad to hear about the dance class! Something like that is a great way to spend your time. I think you may also find that you have LOTS of open time now that you were spending on him. That's great! Think of all the wonderful things you can do in your life with that time! I'll bet you'll do the people around you a world of good. AND yourself!

Hi MissLilly

From what your saying I thinks it natural. Poe (my FWW) knows that the OM is a user, and yet still has feelings(which grow lesser and lesser. Almost 4 mo. since NC, she see's that she was used. I don't think she ever wants to see him again. SHe is mad at him, but some of the feeling are just confusion. THat is what he did for the most part kept her confused.

It doesn't surprise me that he has had no contact. For him, it on to the next, then the next, sorry for the bluntness.

As for confiding in your friends, why not, a real friend won't feel your hopless they will support you and comfort you. Ask your IC about it. And, keep posting your feeling here.

Your feelings for the MM will fade eventually. They will become a regret that you fell for his lies. Poe has been told that. I think eventually your emotions will detach from the thoughts. How long that takes is up to how long it takes you to heal. We all heal at our own pace.

I do have a question. What types of dances are you learning. I would like to learn different ways of dancing but haven't yet. I only slow dance. Wouldn't mind learning line dancing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi Silverthorn-
Thanks for your thoughts..yes...big OUCH on the moving on to the next!
Im learning a variety of ballroom dance from swing to foxtrot, waltz, latin etc! Its alot of fun-you should give it a try!

Misslilly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

misslilliy-

i totally get this about not wanting to tell our friends, and i think it is important. and even to shrinks.

our friends are good people but they have to see us in different sitautions and contexts. they arent just there for you, they arent god, they arent going to hold back their judgements or tell their spouses or friends, they can't, or you cant count on that and ask them too.

i think you should not tell your friends and try to work this out here, with a shrink if you can BUT do not stop facing your feelings. that is important,

plus, i quite get knowing what is right, but thinking of the OM. I can be rational and focused on my core, of what i want (to be free of this OM), and then I also think of him and feel a lurch in my heart (or soemthing).

p.s. you can advise me on the jeez post.
best- jeez

Hi MissLilly

Poe and I just might try some lessons sometime. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I've reconsidered about telling your friends. To tell you the truth I haven't told any of mine because I do know what their reactions would be. I do have one that I know I could trust, but he is having some major medical problems and I really don't want to cause any more concerns at this time. I would tell your IC, thats what their there for.

Your doing good, keep being strong. Patience and Time, and of course a lot of dancing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />