It has been two years since they met and carried on.I found out because of cell phone bills.We moved from OK to NJ.And now in NJ he still has contact with her to where he is calling her and she is calling him.He says he is not in love with me and honestly doesn't know if he will feel that way again.I told him that if her number is on the next phone bill I will cut it off.He says he calls her just to talk.Is that wrong of me to do something like that to help this affair come to an end?I know our finances need to get better before our lives get better but I also think she needs to be out of the picture totally for us to help heal each other.He says he doesn't want a divorce and wants this all to work but he can't seem to cut it off with her totally.I am confused and need help
Elizabeth Palms

Eliz
First your life has to get better before your finances get better. I know we often think of it as the other way around, but we have to work on the inside first and the outside will come along.

My W discovered my A partly because of my cell phone bill. Which was running about $300/mo. The OW and I were in constant contact. We had about 100-150 text messages per mo. We "T-messaged" eachother while we were with our spouses... sick huh? We saw eachother at the gym and got on the phone when we left the gym. I got a break at work and called she did the same. We met after work. We even arranged to go out with our spouses to the same place so that we could see eachother.... really really sick. I am saying this so that you can see how "connected" I was and how difficult it made it to break it off. Get some of DR. Harley's books read and do what he says

I no longer see the OW because the A was discovered. I could continue to talk on the phone and text message and I did by using pay phones, phone cards, my work phone and my computer.

You and your H cannot work on your marriage until there is no contact (NC) with the OW.

* an aside here: I can't believe I am saying this because it is one of the things I am struggeling with... these things have been said been to me ... I think it is starting to sink in.

Your not confused your H is confused.
H

Your H is stuck on the fence between choosing you or the OW. Cutting off the phone won't end the A and until the A ends you can't reconcile your M.

You should focus on what you need to do to get him to end his A. Plan A is a good option and if he still doesn't choose you over OW then go to Plan B. Read up on those and it will give you an idea of things you can do to put an end to things.

If your H truly wants to put an end to this, he would stop calling. But if he truly didn't want to end, he would keep calling. Them "just talking" is just an excuse to keep the A going.