Thank you Chris<BR>I checked out the link.<BR>I have been unable to get a statement from my councelor (only saw him 3 times)<BR>about sexual addition.<BR>I have not had any thoughts or compulsions since my infidelities were exposed and I told all.<BR>Is it something I need to realize on my own.. is the world waiting for me to come to some realization?<P>Between addressing a potential addiction..<BR>trying to hold her off from a speedy divorce until we can get over our emotions and hopefully consider marriage building and trying to hold down my job and be a good father.. I am so overwhelmed.

Thank you dragonfly, cl, sheba<P>I have been trying to digest that she<BR>has decided to divorce still and efforts to slow things down have not been effective yet. <P>Many of her monster statements about me are new revelations to me. The emotional abuse one I have heard and tried to understand and deal with. I have been working hard to understand the others and the impact they have had on our relationship.<P>I though we were working together in our decisions for my career move, home choice, etc.<BR>I don't understand the communication disconnect we had. Maybe I was was blind to it and selfish.. but I never considered myself a blatently selfish person.. and anyone who knows us knows that she wears the pants in this family. I have been the<BR>provider in this family and we agreed she would stay home with our young children...\<BR>but she is the stength and the master of this family.<P>(way too much defensive jargon about me being selfish.. sorry.. I typed it.. maybe it can help.. so I posted it)<P>As far as selfish tho.. Yes my affairs were<BR>totally selfish.. yes I lied about their existance to hide them.<BR>My understanding of affairs now is that what they are.. selfish and lied about.<P>I am not a general liar tho... outside the<BR>harm of the affairs I am an honest and<BR>kind person. I give all I can to my kids..<BR>I coach/assistance coach my sons soccer and baseball teams. I am a YMCA Indian Guide <BR>'forever Pal' for my son.. chief this year.<BR>I adore my your daughter and I do my share to<BR>get her up, change her diaper, feed her (when I am not at work), put her to bed, tickle her.. and just love her. I do the yardwork and most all the repairs and reconstruction on our home (although it has been tough to motivate myself when we were fighting). Inside the home.. My domestic responsibilities are <BR>. the dishes<BR>. the kitchen<BR>. keeping the 3 bathrooms clean.. toilets.. the whole bit<BR>. any floor mopping<BR>I wake my son up and get him dressed, fed, and off on the bus each morning. <P>These are not the changes to my roiutine..<BR>these ARE my routine.<BR>The changes I made are to come home early.. no more working late... and I am just trying to be nice and work on this marriage. <P>My substantial paychecks (I have a good job.. work very hard and have always been a good provider.. Hell I make double the median income) I have not been 'between jobs' EVER since I started working go directly to my wife who manages our finaces.<BR>I have no adult male toys or hobbies (yes <BR>she would say I sure did.. the affairs.. maybe so). Never had a new car,<BR>(Yes the used $12K Ford explorer I bought<BR>was too extravagant for me to own so I stepped back down to an $8K Honda Civic again) I dunno.. just I am being defensive for being called selfish.. just does not seem to fit.. I have seen plenty of selfish ..<BR>and I would need a lot more people helping me to see it.. to believe it.. I just have to object and defend myself sometimes...<BR>don't I?<BR>I fear this defense will be taken as emotional abuse as well..<BR>I don;t mean it that way.. I just ned to vent my fealing.. and if I don;t get a chance to do it in marriage counceling.. (since we will not be going to a counvcelor bvecause the councelor said it was no use).. I will do it here. <BR>END OF SELFISH<P>Certainly tho if she feels she was not part of those decisions (job change/house selection).. that would explain the distance that developed between us. Why the intimacy stopped in our marriage.<BR>That distance hurt me badly. The lack of intimacy and sex.. <BR>and I felt gulty for having those needs..<BR>did not know that sex was a proper emotional need.. and I did not know why. that is why I questioned her back then.. Why... why was any attempt at my initiating intimacy rejected.. why were we fighting all the time.. was there something wrong..<BR>(was she having an affair.. was she sexual abused/raped..) <BR>Why did she take any statement from me as criticism or emotional abuse. <BR>I loved her but was frustrated and lonely myself.. and as an emotionally abused person (with a very strong will).. she was<BR>pretty rough on me too.. don't think she is a meek and abused lamb.. shes one tough cookie. <BR>I was unable to hide my frustration I really did not know what had come between us.<P>Thats me.. thats what I was feeling during our times of durress.. Because I could not connect with her I sought sex elsewhere.<P>I really hope I have not attacked her here.. that is not my intention. I only wanted to share my feelings of rejection and isolation.<P>They are what I believe led me to<BR>cross the line after 7 years of marriage and <BR>a wonderful son.. and enter into a destructive pattern of meeting my sexual needs outside my marriage.<P>If my marriage can't be saved..<BR>maybe I can .. <BR>I want to continue to be a loving father to my kids. <BR> <BR> <BR>

okay Tim, this is enough. If you really want me to put out the laundry list of what I've done for us and this family compared to you, I will, But nobody will have a harddrive that will be able to download all MY information.<P>Why didn't you tell everyone that just this morning you said to me "Well I least I don't have to worry about another man living here, because nobody would ever want you"<P>You NEVER listen to me...WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT the "Monster Statements". Over and over and over again. My friends and family were kept aware of every selfish decision that you made over the years - I was so unhappy. If you want I will have them post to this site--THEY remember...unlike you. They have all asked why you treat me so. I've always told them that you are just overworked at the office.<P>YOU are SELFISH...simple example...we fill up for gas, you go in to pay...and come out with a treat for yourself, nobody else in the care, just you. When a freind is over, you'll get yourself a beer, but not them.<P>THe dishes are always piled, the bathrooms smell, and the floor is always filthy!<P>Why do you lie so much on this web site? You don't believe in God or Jesus, you never go to church, or confession. Your income is far from a six digit figure. You say that I stay home with the kids...but yet we never could really afford that could we? I too have never been without a job or 2 or 3 or even 4 at times! All I ever wanted was to stay home for there first 6 years, and be the best Mom I could, but you were spending $300 - $400 a month on your whores and sluts. What about the times I had to go out for an evening. I would pay the babysitter and you would take that as an open invitation to be with someone else. I CAN'T beleive I paid a babysitter so you could %^$& somebody else!<P>Adult Toys - what about all those tools in the shop...all collecting dust because you treat this house like **** too. Nobody can even walk into your shop, or your garage without getting injured because of all the dangerous clutter. Since we have moved in, he: pulled out the built-in bookcases, exposing ugly torn sheetrock and furnance pipes (my daughter has burnt her hands on those pipes); he ripped off the doorbell and it hangs by its wires; he did the same to the dryer vent; he ripped a portion of the sheetrock off the ceiling of the garage and never replaced it; you took the interior locks off both the front door and the back door. I am so afraid our daughter will escape when we are not looking; you never installed the lock on the gun cabinet (I DID); you never installed the lock on the hot tub cover -- oh my this list could go on forever...<P>YOU knew exactly how I felt every step of the way over the last 6 years. I am the one who communicates everything. I told you why my libido was down, you didn't believe me, you got angry - I told you you needed help, you wouldn't go. I begged you on several occasions to "just be nice to me and everything will go back to normal" Your response would be "well then can we have sex on tuesday?"<P>You are right about one thing...I am not meek, but no matter how bad our fights got, I never attacked your self-esteem. But you would attempt to bring me down every time, Unfortunatly for you I can take the crap you deal out --- but our children cannot.<P>You cannot even be remorseful for 24 hours...you begin the attacks again. You are so lucky that I haven't packed up and moved the kids to Long Island (200 miles away). You are VERY lucky that I am willing to try to work things out with your parents even though your father attacked me verbally, accusing me of being the one who has had an affair. You are lucky I am beign VERY generous with our possessions, You are VERY lucky I am willing to give you very generous visitation with the children. BUT, let me tell you something...I DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY MORE OF YOUR ATTACKS I CAN TAKE. You brought this all upon yourself. I wanted an amicable divorce, but you are making it very hard for me to continue in that manner. Do You really want to have to go the court and explain exactly what it was that you did? I have the proof and you will fry. I was trying to protect you from that embarrassment. I can't believe the lack of remorse you show me at home, you are such a good faker on this web site.<P>Okay Mister Math Major. We got married in '87, you started cheating in '93. That makes for a six year itch, not the downplayed 7 year itch. I have been with you for 15 years...half my life. We have been married for 12 years, 6 of which you have been cheating.<P>For me to stay with you, you'd need too many repairs:<BR>1. Communication<BR>2. STOP THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE<BR>3. NO OTHER WOMEN EVER!<P>Why aren't you listening to me??? I am SOOOOO unhappy with you. You have ripped away my soul, my smile, and my personality. I just want to be happy again. I will live another 50 years, and I don't want to live with you. Please, please, please let me be happy. Why are you doing this to me?

because I love you<BR>*tears tears tears*<P>

Dear Sheba and cl<P>Thank you for caring enough to comment to my post. I will email you, probably this weekend. I'm working on a deadline at work right now. It so hard to work while being put through all this, but it helps to know that you want to help.<P>BW

Dear Broken's Wife - I know how a destructive relationship can cause deep emotional pain and harm. My H treated me badly too - did a lot of the same things yours did. He did not cheat however, until he was ready to end the relationship and had an "exit affair". I put up with all of it for many years (we were married 17 years when he walked out on me, leaving me for the OW), because I loved him, valued the committment I made, and he would treat me well just often enough to keep the hope alive in me that things were going to get better. He did nothing to improve or save our marriage, he was just biding his time until he found someone else to be with. My heart aches hearing you describe your pain. It is so hard for me to see how many people treat those closest to them - as if they were not important or valued - someone merely to be used to get their own needs met - whether the needs be sexual, financial or emotional, and with no regard for the needs of the other. Such selfishness is truly one of the most destructive forces in our world, one that destroys marriages and families, and will ultimately destroy the human race, if we do not stop it. <P>Perhaps you can consider a temporary separation - your H will move out of the house, can still see the kids, and will go first into individual therapy so that he can understand his actions, and try to help himself be the kind of person that you can respect and trust again. At some point, after you have recovered from the shock of all of this, you can go into joint marital counseling to see if there is a way that you can reconnect and save your marriage. But he must be willing to prove to you that he is sincere - no more other women ever as long as you are married, no emtional abuse, and no more lies, either here or with you.<P>My prayers are with you, this is not easy at all - the devastation you have been through recently, coupled with the years of unhappiness have taken their toll.<P>I am now divorced from my H, and even though I would have preferred not to have had my husband and marriage ripped away from me, I can honestly say that I am probably better off, seeing as how he could not admit to his part in the demise of our marriage, and threw me away like trash. I deserve much better than that. I could not continue to be married to a man that I could no longer trust nor respect. I understand that you feel that way, too.<P>Keep posting here, and remember, that there is a way your marriage can be healed, if you both are willing to work at it. Unfortunately, you will have the harder road if you decide to try to save the marriage. There are no brownie points for being a faithful, loyal spouse when your spouse cheats. <P>May God Bless you both. Everyone here is praying for you.

Lady M...every word of your post made me cry. You are right on target with regards to my feelings. Thank you for responding.

Dear broken man.....<BR>First of all, you are NOT the broken one, your wife and "two beautiful" children are.<BR>How could you possibly succumb to prostitutes and "meeting woman online". You say you make Double the median income? Well you must be somewhat educated but not truly up with the latest health issues. Did you ever hear of HIV? Did you know that it takes only once to contract the disease? How about genital warts, syphillis, gonorhhea and a slew of other diseases. There is no possible way that you "love" your wife. Do you know the risk that you have brought into your home? That is not "love". It's great that everyone on this site wants to "hug" you and it's great to have a shoulder to cry on but the fact IS that you chose to handle your problems in the worst possible fashion. The counselors are not out of line when they suggest and highly recommend divorce. How can your wife ever trust you again? How can you ever look her in the eye and profess your love to her? How could you teach your children the ways of the world, how can you be their "hero" like we all want to be to our kids? How can you "teach" your children about morals when you are doing such evil?Why should the two of you have to live miserably for the rest of your lives. Your wife clearly indicates that she is "unhappy" with you...let her go, let her build a new life for herself and you go on with yours. You have scorned her in the worst possible way. Please for yourself, get help. And let her go so she can re-build her self esteem, her personality and her soul.There seem to be too many issues in this marriage that are beyond repair. Be fair to each other and LET GO. It also seems that the unhappiness has been going on way too long. There comes a time when a problem is way too big to handle...and I think you are at that point. The stress that you would put your family through trying to save something that is not there is not worth all the heartaches you will potentially cause. Let your wife have her dignity back and the same for your children, as their little innocent souls deserve.<p>[This message has been edited by notredamefi (edited September 16, 1999).]

Dear Notredamefi...<P>Thank you for portraying my perspectve on the situation. You are very right in understanding that I have been unhappy for a long time. The only reasons I held on were for the kids and my non-belief in divorce. His rampant womanizing was truly the last straw. There is only such much any human can handle, I've reached that point. <P>It is so very sad and unfortunate. I very much was brought up in a "white picket fence, Ozzie and Harriet" family. I am sure my entire extended family will be devastated to hear the news. This will be the first divorce in the family. But, I am very lucky to have an extremely supportive family and I know they will be there for me.<P>Thank you for caring<P>Bw

Dear broken wife:<P>I was so happy that you responded because I too, have been betrayed so badly by someone who I thought "loved me". Not to that extreme though. Unfortunately your situation goes way beyond "cheating". There are many issues that must be dealt with. Not by you though. This guy must do this on his own and leave his family alone. I certainly would not want this man to be an example of what a "man" should be. This is beyond saving and beyond help. For the sake of you and your children, start your path to separation/divorce now. I'm assuming you are young because of the reference of your children's ages. You have your life ahead of you and you should be able to move forward with self-respect, pride and dignity. There is no love from H and I pray he gives you the freedom and self-worth you so badly deserve. For the kids' sake as well. By the way, I'm glad you have such a family as you describe. I was so scared to tell mine but was shocked about the out-come! We all have never been closer. Families have a way of surprising you and I'm sure yours will do the same. They will become quite a support system for you. Trust them and have lots of faith that "better days are coming" and your family will be there every step of the way.

Broken's Wife - I'm sure your family will be supportive of you, no matter what you decide to do. My family has been there for me, and supported me at every step along the way. Also my friends (most of whom were mutual friends, but no longer wanted to be friends with my H because of his actions) were also incredibly supportive. I could not have made it through any of this without their love, care, concern and emotional support. Let your friends and family be there for you. <P>If you feel any hope or have any love left at all for your H, consider separation. Even if you end up divorcing, at least you will know that you have done everything you can, and that counseling, even if it does not help to save your marriage, will help both you and your H deal with the situation and be able to part with less pain, and with a better understanding of the why's behind all of the pain and problems. Regret is one thing that you do not want to have. I'm sure he is going to have plenty of it, though. Hold your head high. You are strong, and will get through this, no matter what the outcome.<P>I still have not been able to forgive my H for what he did to me - I'm working on it and know that someday I will be able to finally let go of all the pain I have endured. This is an extreme shock to the system, one that is not easily dismissed. Feel your anger, but do not let it consume you. Let it be the thing that gives you the strength to stand up for yourself, and do what you need to do to protect yourself and your kids from further pain. My heartfelf prayers are with you and you kids - and with your H, too. He needs help, if he is ever to get his life in order, whether it be with you, someone else, or alone.

Hello bm-w, it is often easier for us to make decisions when faced with such terrible pain. But the decisions may not prove to be made in our own best interest. Please consider separating or just taking a break rather the finality of divorce. It is a viable option-there is always time to divorce later if things are not repairable. Sure I know the pain and anger that made me want to find an attorney and file for divorce! In fact I saw three....yep, many of us have been where you are. May I suggest that you take some time to look at what you really need and want? What do you need to heal? What does your family need? What will make you grow and be strong? <BR>

This is for CL-------<P>How can broken man's wife "TAKE A BREAK" for awhile?6 out of 12 years of marriage he was UNFAITHFUL!!!!!!! ANY WOMAN WHO STANDS FOR THAT CAN NOT POSSIBLY HOLD HER HEAD HIGH.<BR>What about the risk of disease???Should BM W be tested every 6 months for the rest of her Life??? What about the children? Should they be put through that every 6 months for the rest of their lives??? Do you feel he is the only man left on earth? Name one good quality this guy has after being with SO MANY DIRTY HOOKERS AND PIGGISH CYBER SLUTS!!! I think this w has been more than patient with going to couseling, school physcologists, etc. She sounds like she has been quite rationale and making each decision with much thought. I outrighttedly disagree and feel she should be AWAY from this man. HE IS DANGEROUS. My H didn't sleep with half as many sluts and I couldn't ever respect him again. It is a weak woman who would put up with that.This is not your "typical one time affair".<P>The family needs a father who can be respected, teach his children the ways of the world and be a hero in their eyes. Everytime H is out of the house should W tell her kids, Oh Daddy's with a hooker tonite, he won't be home and then tomorrow we will all go to the free clinic and get tested for aids!! What this W needs to heal is to be away from him and start a new life.<p>[This message has been edited by notredamefi (edited September 17, 1999).]

Broken man, I'm sorry to hear your life has taken such a bad course. Sometimes, you must lose everything and hit bottom before you realize you need help. Look at this as a chance to learn from your mistakes, and find a therapist who will help you. Nothing is as bad as it seems, and you have no where to go but up. Keep your chin up. Briana

Broken Mans Wife<P>I can understand your pain. Its coming out with anger towards your husband for his bad behavior. I beleive it is possible for your husband to change, that your marriage relationship does not have to be like the way its always been. It will take time, but please consider allowing your husband to prove his sincerety in wanting to save your marriage. Have you read any books opposed to divorce. I can give you names of some if you e-mail me at laroerem@aol.com<P>I know your husband hasn't lived up to his commitment to you, but he does have qualities that attracted you to him. Help him by letting know the areas he needs to change before you will consider getting back together.

Broken Man -<P>Hi and I'm sorry that I have not been on lately to see how things are going with you and your Wife. <P>I see that you have gotten some angry words and I'm sure you realize that that is to be expected given what you chose to do.<P>What is needed now is reflection. You need to look at everything about yourself. Why did you treat your Wife the way that you did? Why did you change from the man she loved enough to marry into some stranger who didn't seem to care? Why did you not speak of your concerns or problems to the woman you vowed to be partners with for the rest of your life? Why did you turn away from her, your family and your values?<P>These questions are a sampling of what will need complete and honest answers to be forthcoming from you. If you truly want your Wife, Family, and basically your whole life in general back, then you must put a lot of work, time, effort, love and humility into making it that way.<P>Your Wife has dealt with a lot, and when doing that over a long period of time - walls are built up. They are not her doing - they are yours!! You have to show that you are taking those walls down....Brick by Brick!!!!<P>You are human!! You have done some inconsiderate, dishonest and completely reckless things. And she is right that you put her life in danger (as well as your own). I realize that you simply did not think!!!! That however is like the drunk who never thinks that he will kill that kid crossing the street, when he gets behind the wheel. Too late when it happens!!!<P>Brokens Wife - <P>I feel so bad for what you have endured and the gut-wrenching pain and anguish from the knowledge of the affairs. I have been where you are and still am...Only without H at the moment.<P>It has been a very short time since you have found out of the infidelities. Please do not make such life altering decisions in the midst of all the anguish and at this the lowest of times.<P>I have had the time to process and come to an understanding of what my H has done to me, to us - I realize the problems which led to this agony for me - are his. He needs help!! <P>My husband does not yet (if he ever will) realize what he has done, is doing and where all of this decadant behavior is going to take him. All he is thinking is ESCAPE!!! Escape from whatever demons are in his own mind.<P>I can only hope and pray that my H will even look at something from this site, let alone actually post! <P>There were reasons in your H's head as to why he did this.....he has to communicate what they were and work on fixing them.<P>I look at it that my vows were for better or worse.....this is the "worse" that was meant, I guess. I know that that doesn't mean much with the newness of all this. I just keep remembering that my H was once a very good, loving man. A man who had integrity, morals and love for me. That man is still within him!! For some reason, he has pushed his true self aside and is allowing this alter persona to rule over himself.<P>The reasons are what must be addressed - they are what must be understood!!<P>If he does not work to do that - then there is nothing that will become better and there is no reason to try to continue.....BUT, if this is truly a crossroads on the path he has chosen - and he commits himself through actions and learning to improve his life, is it possible to see a future with the man that was once someone you were in love with?<P>No, you will never have the same love and trust for him that you had at the beginning......How many couples really do? There are some, yes - there are lots more who don't. What you can have is a more aware and mature love with a man who has learned what it takes to be a MAN and grow WITH his partner, lover, Wife instead of taking her for granted and letting her be his emotional waste basket.<P>I don't mean to downplay what you are going through......as I said I'm still IN IT!!!!! I know it all too well!!!<BR>I've had more time to deal with it all.<P>When I got past the anger - I realized that I do not measure my own self worth through the actions or words of my husband. I do not feel personally less worthy of anything!!! I did not change anything in my marriage....sure, there are little things that we can all improve upon about ourselves. That is not what I mean. It was not my doing that H chose to do these things. It was his mind and his problems that caused his actions. HE has to deal with it..I have chosen to help him if he wants to go back to being that MAN that I fell in love with, that I know is in there. Only this time - stronger, wiser and with a lot of self-growth.<P>Hugs and Strength to you both and May God help you through this time and lead you on the path you will choose.<P>Sheba

Brianna<P>Thank you for your reply.<BR>I am open and trying for any help I can get.<BR>I am looking for an alternative councelor.<BR>As far as the bottom. I can't lie back and let my wife and family go. While this ship is still afloat tho there is a gaping hole in it..I am struggling at the bilge pumps but cannot consciesly let this ship shink while I still have the love and the will and the energy. <P>M Go BLUE<BR>and Sheba<P>Thank you for your hope. I do so much want to have the chance to discuss and understand<BR>my own feelings and her feelings and understand why I strayed.<BR>I want to communicate and work on change things. I have a phone session scheduled with Dr. Harley and am ordering some books.<BR>(I have to finish "After the Affair" but has been difficult to read and concentrate now)<BR>I am willing and trying but its been hard <BR>since she has decided to give up.<BR>I have been inspired by people on this group tho to pick up and go it alone if I have to and keep hope.<P>I feel life is just a time bomb now.. waiting for the process of divorce to take control.<BR>When every day I look at my wife and my kids and realize it is only a matter of time until<BR>this all comes crashing to an end.<BR>Still looking for that miracle.<P><BR>

hi bm and bmw, just sending hugs to the two of you! Hope you are reading some of the info on this site, and keeping an open mind. cl

Broken's Wife - Are you still with us? Please reply and let us know how you are doing. Again - please know we are all praying for you and your family.<P>Broken Man - I am glad to see that you are going to consult with Dr. Harley. I hope and pray that you are sincere in wanting to save your marriage, and are truly repentant and realize that the pain that you have caused your wife may possibly not be fixable. Her heart is closed right now due to the shock and pain of what she has been through - not only the recent revelations of your infidelities, but the pain of the neglect and unkindness that you put upon her. My prayers are with both of you.

broken man & Broken's wife,<P>May I just jump right in here? Thanks! <P>Broken's wife,<BR>You have every right to be angry. He broke trust with you & God. It's only been seven weeks for you & that's not much time to digest what you've learned, so give yourself some time before you make any hard and fast decisions.<P>broken man,<BR>You cannot understand the pain your Wife is feeling and I pray you never will.<P>Now to both of you. If you are going to repair this relationship, there are a few (okay LOTS of things) things you need to get straightened out.<P>1. Neither of you knows how the other is affected by this. Let's just say it is pretty bad for both of you, we all understand here from one side or the other or both sides! Don't under estimate how bad/good the other is feeling and please don't judge them for feeling how they are.<P>2. A good place to start is to STOP the LoveBusters. I have seen quite a few in this thread. Now you both may, "say he/she deserved it!" Maybe so, but do you really want to cut someone off at the knees, someone you love because they said or did something? I know you might like to, but it is very short lived and you'll feel bad later. In order for love to blossom, you must take each other into consideration whenever you say or do anything.<P>MB Rule #1 The Rule of Protection: Avoid Being the Cause of Your Spouse's Unhappiness<P>DO NOT be the source of the others pain (let's put the past behind us for just a wee bit). Do not say or do anything if your spouse will be resentful towards you.<P>This is much easier said than done, believe me I know! If you do lovebust, then stop yourself, apologize, perhaps disuss why it happened (the lovebust), and then never let it happen again for the same thing.<P>Two words you BOTH should is elimnate from your vocabulary. ALWAYS & NEVER.<P>There are always three sides to a story. His, hers and everyone elses. You both have seen and done things that were interpreted differently by the other (notice I didn't say incorrectly). One of you may have feel they were yelling at the top of your lungs about something and the other just said, "what did you say? I couldn't hear you." Either you weren't saying it as clearly as you thought or the other wasn't listening good as they thought or both. Doesn't matter. What matters now is you need to learn how to communicate effectively with each other.<P>Ya' know, I've seen WAY TOO MANY people come and go on this site. There are success stories. I pray your's will be one. At least you are communicating in some manner. Now all's you have to do is do it much better. If this post seems a little harsh, I sincerely apologize. I don't want to scare either of you away. I wish nothing but for your marriage to survive & THRIVE! It's possible, but it'll take some work and won't be easy. Follow the MB principles and it'll go much easier though.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited September 22, 1999).]