My case is no different than anyone elses here. My wife was deployed in Iraq for about six months. After about two months she stopped talking to me from her heart and started treating our emails and phone calls like it was a duty.

I didnt think much of it, being a "war" and all, but after two months of being treated like garbage I started doubting our relationship. I went into her email account and found a couple emails to her lover. One described a sexual act but not intercourse. I was destroyed. For those of you who have been down this road, I need not explain how I felt.

I confronted her and OM via email. They both told me that it was a one time thing and they were just really good friends. I didnt believe it. Two weeks after I found out, OM came back to the states, so I wasnt so worried about them being together. But in the mean time, WS and I were talking everyday on the phone. I was lucky in that regard.

She came back in July. Though the whole time she said nothing ever happened. About two weeks later and already have read numerous books on this subject I lost it. I said I dont believe you and you are lying to me. She continued to deny it many times a day for a couple more weeks. Then at the end of july she said that she had spent many nights walking with OM and kissing, but thats all. I didnt believe her.

So more time goes by with us fighting and going to counseling. The whole time lying to me and the counselor. Any way, about every two-three weeks I would arguing with her and she would tell me "one more thing". The last thing she told me is that were having sex multiple times.

My wife has lied to me over and over, and it isnt untill I beat her down with my words or threaten to leave that she comes out with a little bit more info. Im tired of the lies.

WHen Im away from her I hate her. When Im with her I still see the woman I married and I still love her. When I get upset about the idea of her doing what she did I cry and tell her to leave me alone which usually follows by me being mean and sometimes verbally abusive.

I know Im going to push her away but I hurt so bad. I dont know how to stop the hurt, and if I could, I would have this other man, whom was my friend severly beaten, lol. But, that is not worth me going to jail. I dont know how to deal with the hurt, sometimes I just go sleep in the other room. I dont want to be mean, but man, maybe its just me, but when Im hurting, I lash out. Can anyone help me out with that?

Yes you will push her FURTHER away with your angry outbursts, selfish demands, disrespectful judgements, and other love busters.

If you truly want to save your marriage, you must rise above the victim mindset. Sure you are the injured party here and yes you have every right to be extremely upset with your W for lying and deceiving you about her affair, BUT all your love busting of her will accomplish is that she will get to the point (if she hasn't gotten there already) where she is going to decide that it is better to end the marriage than to live under the present conditions. Is that you want her to do?

All affairs, no matter what type they are, are based on dishonesty. If you want your W(wife) to come clean then YOU will have to create an emotionally safe environment where she is NOT going to be punished for being honest. But I must warn you, if you want to hear the truth from her, then you must be emotionally prepared for it. If she starts telling you some of what truly happened between her and the OM, then you MUST be calm, composed and respectful because if you aren't and you start crying, yelling, or displaying any other 'delicate flower' behavior, she's is just not going to continue for fear that you cannot handle the truth.

I reccomend that you read Rippedin2's thread titled Can't get wife to admit A for he is in a similar situation in which his W doesn't want to tell him the whole truth about her affair, but in his last update he made progress with her because he followed some of the advice given to him.

P.S. READ Dr Willard Harley's books 'Surviving An Affair', 'His Needs Her Needs' and 'Love Busters' as well as Dave Carder's book 'Torn Asunder'(it goes much further into recovery than Harley's book 'S.A.A.').