Where does commitment enter into Harley’s principles? I think it has to be a box around the whole thing, but I can’t really find any mention of it in his books (I think we have all of them).

I agree with the basic premise that (simplified): husband gives caring love to wife and wife responds with romantic love; wife gives caring love to husband and husband responds with romantic love. The various emotional needs and love busters are pretty well correlated with our marriage.

But what happens when I have a period when I have to work overtime for months because of workers on strike and I am temporarily too exhausted to meet all my husband’s needs for recreation? What happens when my husband gets cancer and can’t meet any of my needs at all? Religious convictions aside, what reason do we have to stick with each other?

(Our background: we are trying to recover after my husband had an affair. I’m a mature, committed Christian. He apparently was struggling with his faith for some time before this happened. We are progressing and are working on meeting each others’ needs and not doing Love Busters. The idea of just committing for the sake of commitment is hard for him right now, because the affair has only been over a short time and his feelings for me are still in the process of coming back, so all the work that he’s doing in our marriage is already not easy.)

Thanks.

oops

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: NcogNeeToe ]</small>

Worth,

I find your "tale" fascinating, since your profile fits ours very closely. Only difference? My WH is still w/ow, but our christian maturity profiles are similar.....just thought I'd throw that out there.

As far as answering your original ?, I think committment is something that would hold a M together at the point you spoke of.......when one is sick, or unable to "give back" - or time constraints take away from your R time, etc......

The Harleys call it "depositing Love Bank Units" - but I think you can think of it scripturally as remaining knitted together as "One Flesh" - b/c you remain committed to treating your spouse rightly (as noted in your second paragraph). If a period of time goes by where you are unable to treat your spouse right, they have enough "Love Bank Units" to sustain them until such time as that situation changes.

Essentially, I believe the Harleys WARN us that NOT continuing to deposit LB$ IS a way that a M gets in trouble of being "invaded" by the temptation of infidelity. They call it "Affair-Proofing" your M.

Religious conviction aside? WHY stay together if both are not willing to COMMIT to it as unto God....? My own personal answer would be because the grass is NO greener on the other side!!! Just as much work making the next R work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

My 2¢
Cog