|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 57
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 57 |
I'm wondering if anybody noticed any of the typical things when they suspected their spouse of having an affair. you know, new underwear or new cologne, losing weight,hang up calls, unexplained absences and especially did anybody notice a different style when your spouse kissed you or other intimate things?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 430
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 430 |
I'm shocked that no one else has replied yet. Some of these things happened prior to A, but thought I would list them anyway. I think he's in mid-life crisis. OK, here goes:
new underwear losing weight shaved moustache new, stylish clothes new, current music (prior to that was a talk radio listener) more secretive regarding computer on computer LOTS kissing very deeply and forcefully not initiating sex very often washing himself off after sex (never did before) no cuddling after sex no "I love you" after sex no kisses goodbye before work calling me "Babe" losing interest in spending time with me losing interest in spending time with children not doing any home repairs/maintenance many, MANY errands wearing cell phone on belt at all times (never did before) not looking at me being very critical of me not excessive drinking, but more than usual
I'm sure there are more. Funny thing is, I didn't put 2 and 2 together (or is it 20 and 20 together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> ). Knew things were odd, but we were remodeling at the time and I thought the stress/changes were due to that.
What else did you guys out there notice?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 167
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 167 |
so many signs. So many "gut" feelings.
out w/ the boys more and more turning off pager and cell phone unexplained itineraries for travel new cologne VERY different sex computer and many secret email accounts losing some weight laser hair removal for back laser comb to try to keep what hair left viagra interestingly became impotent at times during sex. Said he had prostate problems. (guilt) total change in music interests only interested in latin culture anyone or anything having to do w/ latins.
Funny ain't it? We all had signs. We all ignored them to a degree. There's something to be said about instinct.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 344
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2000
Posts: 344 |
Yes,
Hang up calls weight loss new clothes different sex deeper intimacy
I thought it was great! Little did I know.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 57
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 57 |
Stung, ljkm, catamount great replies thank you.
lately when he kisses me, it feels different. combine that with new underwear off with the beard weight loss hang up calls wants to try new things in bed new cologne more time away from home frequent trips to the store late at night falls asleep on the couch often
I could go on and on. we've been married 13 1/2 years and once again it's like living with a stranger. thanks again
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 31
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 31 |
Here's what I noticed;
New underwear (worn when going out) Secrecy (deleting caller ID on phone, e-mails etc) New "friends" (not calling old friends) Decreased interest in home More attention on appearance, fitness Lies Different pattern on going out Phone calls from unknown numbers, hang ups
Follow your intuition and start looking into this. Don't confront until you have something solid. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 475
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 475 |
Here is a handy link to the 50 signs your S is having an A. 50 Signs
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 210
Member
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 210 |
The biggest sign for me was the constant feeling of
"THIS WOMAN DOESN'T LOVE ME OR CARE FOR ME"
Felt that way for 2 years prior to D-Day, can almost tell you the date when I started to feel this way coinsiding with phone calls at 9:30 at night from a fitness instructor.
Coinicidince?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 351
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 351 |
Increased spending habbits (year plus before affair)
Picking little fights of no logical basis- eg. WW "why don't we do anything any more" BH "what would you like to do? How about x,y,z" WW "I don't know maybe later"
Shift in conversations from "us" to "my this or that"
Increased demands without recipication or thanks.
Less sex then sometimes more
Plastic surgery
Increased selfish acts
Less involvement with friends
Decreased care about our home - I was expected to keep up my chores while hers could slip. Goes back to the little fighting stuff.
these are the main ones which all point to someone pushing themselves away and trying to create a reason for what she was doing. I became the badguy without her even saying it specifily.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 86
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 86 |
It is strange. I was just thinking that same thing about my WS. She filed for divorce and says she does not love me and I am a liar. W sees OM every night with our DD's. She did: started exercising at night started wearing provocative close started listening to different music - not christian started shunning me broke all physical contact stopped kissing before she left for work
She filed divorce papers and now she is the victim and I am the mean H who wants to hurt her and kidnap the kids. This is so painful - should I desire to want WS back?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 40
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 40 |
I just have a message for my wife in case she happens upon this thread. Baby, as you know I need new underwear. I'm going to the mall this weekend to get a 6-pack of briefs. But don't get the idea that anything's going on.
Your loving husband
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 194 |
What is to be said for us BS out there like myself who (upon heinsight 20/20) still do not recall seeing hardly any of the signs you have stated?
The only signs I recognize now after the fact are: great sex upon return from the two trips I now know he was w/OW, not as often of "I love you's" after sex (if I remember correctly), losing interest in being with kids, not moving forward with plans to finish inside of newly built polebarn, heavier drinking than before.
This is it, which still even seems not too alarming for the average spouse to me, unless I'm just weird. I was totally blown away on Dday to say the least.
Just wondering if anyone else there had such subtle signs.
FF
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 19
Junior Member
|
Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 19 |
This one is easy. After 5 years of me working out of town and being on the road, we finally made a decision to defocus on my business in order to be together again full time as a family. This involved selling the house and moving to a new town where I had landed a job. Of course, the single income family aspect of our relationship continued. (not that I'm bitter)
2 weeks before the move, WW got extremely apprehensive. Not just normal nerves and concerns for a life changing event, but a real "I'll go only if I can kick and scream" attitude. And supposedly, we both wanted this.
That was the first big sign. There were many more later.
Anonymous prepaid long distance cards are what I'm dealing with today.
Comanche <small>[ November 09, 2003, 09:07 AM: Message edited by: Comanche ]</small>
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 76
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 76 |
Looking back, here are the signs from my WAH. . .
He bought a fancy electronic toothbrush - for an individual not a family
He was actually nicer for a brief bit (guilt at work?)
He wore cologne at odd times
Took the phone into the garage to make calls and once when I innocently walked out there, he had a fit
Too daughter off by himself on Saturday outing with no prompting from me (guess where they went?)
He was "very busy" at work, had to work longer hours
I swear there was an obnoxious lilt in his step prior to D-day
Suddenly I just had a feeling, ya know?
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
Member
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380 |
Here's what I noticed in WH during affair:
Into loud "head banging music"
Big weight loss
Hair bleached blonde at ends
*Cell phone off at odd times(really made me suspicious and upset!)
Unable to have sex(guilt setting in)
Lots of withdrawals in his account(paying for dinners with the homewrecker no doubt)
Became more easily upset with our daughters
The best was: MY GUT feeling. I knew something was up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 252
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 252 |
Here's a biggie:
Coming home late, I was in bed, asleep. I wake up and move over to snuggle.
He smelled freshly out of the shower and with a different soap smell than ours! Never told him that one!
*S*
|
|
|
0 members (),
194
guests, and
53
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
|
Most Online3,185 Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|