As somebody who is at the "3 month after D-day" mark, I am still having issues dealing with the details of my wife's affair. Her 3.5 months of behaviour were so uncharacteristic of her, neither of us know what to make of it. We are well on our way to recovery, but I am still wondering "why?" Not why the affair happened (I take equal blame for neglecting our marriage), but why she did some very specific, hurtful, and vile things???

Has anybody ever done a study or written a book on what the details mean? For example, if every sexual encounter occurred while she was very drunk or if she had unprotected sex - what does this mean? My wife exhibited several examples of very self-destructive behavior and I want to get to the bottom of it, if at all possible. We are in marriage counseling and she has recently started 1:1 counseling but in both cases the focus seems to be on the present and future and not trying to learn from the past.

Just wondering...

Well this board is full of people trying to figure the whys.

But Dr. Phil says its hard to make sense out of nonsense.

There are a ton of issues that would have to be explored before you could say whether a specific behavior was self destructive or self indulgent.

It really depends on her personal issues combined with both of your marital issues.

That is alot of variables to study.

Having unprotected sex is a major thing to the BS but in reality it was probably thought little of at the time it happened. Again depending on circumstances.