My wife (of 15 yrs., 2 children) left a year ago for a trial separation. She said she was miserable living with me, "dying inside daily". We fought weekly so I knew something had to change. Thankfully, the children weren't very aware of our battles. The flipside of this was her leaving hit them like a ton of bricks - major surprise & confusion.
I suggested we get counselling, not separation. She wouldn't. She insisted separation was the only way, took 1/2 the stuff & left. Since she left I've had 14 sessions with two good counselors & am at peace with who I am.
I invited her to both counselors and she refused -said I have the problems, not her.
I'm prepared to reconcile and want to but also am being prepared emotionally for divorce if she chooses (I am 100% against divorce).
In the separation we have become farther apart than ever. We never talk (except a few scant emails to confirm details of picking up the children). I've reached out with cards, messages, phone calls, etc. to say 'I'm still loving you & am open to you & to working through our problems - please respond and tell me where you are at'
She hasn't responded once, which IS a clear response to me. So I stopped trying recently.
She has developed close friendships with men in the separation phase which makes our reconciliation seem impossible / improbable.
It makes me wonder if trial separations are bogus - just a nice excuse for someone to get out of their vows and live like they want?
Or are they ever good - they lead to renewed people and marriages?
mike729@rogers.com