D-day was April 5, 2003 (April 4 was our five year anniversary.) My H moved out the next week to stay with friends. All the while, he was still seeing OW (I didn't know about this. I thought he was using this time away to figure out where he wanted his life to go from here). It took him six weeks to be remorseful for his actions and to figure out that he didn't love the OW and wanted his family back. We have a two year old son. He moved back home in July 2003. He is remorseful and disgusted by his actions. However, I can't get over the fact that he KNEW he was hurting me but didn't care and continued to see the OW even though I told him on numerous occasions that I would prefer he didn't until he decided what he wanted to do with our marriage. His behavior and actions just sicken and disgust me and I think it is getting in the way of true reconciliation. He has told me on numerous occasions that having sex with the OW never "felt right" and that he was sicken with himself after the act. Why did he continue in this pattern of behavior? He doesn't even understand it himself.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

<small>[ November 10, 2003, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: Andie01 ]</small>

He was probably addicted to the feeling of validation and excitement. As you read through stories here you will see that they all act the same. They take terrible chances with their marriages and families. What you can do is read through all the information on this site on how to make your marriage better than before. Also you may need some counseling to understand what has happened and really forgive him. Try not to take it personally and realize that he was looking for something that is missing in his life. He sounds like he is truly sorry, which is a good sign. Keep posting here and you will get good ideas and support.

Yes. The path to recovery is narrow, and I am not sure you are on it. Understanding his actions is important for you so that you can be confident that nothing like this can happen again. I suggest you read two books together: "Surviving an Affair", by Harley, and "Torn Asunder" by Carder. Discuss what you read and how it fits your situation. Do the exercises in the books. A good MC will could be effective, too, and might get you to a similar level of understanding quicker, and they can tailor thigs to you in a way that a book cannot, but there are a lot of bad MC's in the world, and those books are excellent.

I recommend the two books because they are different. SAA will do a better job delving into one particular cause that is common to most affairs, and does a better job, IMO, of describing the path to a great marriage and rebuilding trust after an affair (yes, it is possible). TA does a better job at exploring some of the other reasons for an affair, esppecially those that are more commn to men's affairs, that I think SAA glosses over.