Hi there. Married for 20 years. Hubby going through mid life crisis. He reconnected with "first" love nine months ago. Created a fantasy life together through e-mail and cell phone. He believes he found his soul-mate. Less than 3 weeks before reconnecting with her, he confirmed his everlasting love for me, and promised he would love me forever. He since has decided that the affair was wrong and has vowed to work on our marriage and be the best husband possible. I believe he is going through withdrawl, but he keeps feeding his mind with ideas of never being able to love me again the way he used to. He wants to wait for the "feelings" to happen because he claims he doesn't want to "fake it". He wont show me affection because he says he doesnt feel it. Prior to the reconnection he was the most affectionate man I have ever met. He says he doesn't think about her and he believes his problem is just that he doesn't love me the way I love him and never will. Does he need professional help?

revelation, these are VERY typical statements made by most WS' in the throes of a fantasy addiction. He is in withdrawal right now and that is why he is saying these things. Your job is to hold on and love him the best you know how until he comes to his senses.

It is imperative that he end contact in order to recover.

In the meantime, please read up on Plan A, do your best to meet his needs and come here to vent and get support. And don't do any lovebusting!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5032a_qa.html

just sharing my opinions,,,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He wants to wait for the "feelings" to happen because he claims he doesn't want to "fake it". He wont show me affection because he says he doesnt feel it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love is action,, action results in feelings. Its actually mush more easier, than most are aware of,,, to begin with one should begin by giving affection, for 14 days straight, eacn and every day. Make it a proirity to "do" something, for the other partner. exmaples are to be flowers, cards, dinners, movies, doing for that one what he/she truly enjoys the most!

"Feelings" can be achieved within as little as 30 days,,,


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">he doesn't love me the way I love him and never will. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can he,, he is not you, you are not him,,,
How can any "one' love another the same way as the other "one?" That would be as though the two are the same. Is this possible?

Remove the words "never" (negative thinking) will end in negative results. Replace them with happy, warm positive words,, its really quite easy. easier than most are aware of.

Does he need professional help?? Thats between you and him,, but talking to a marriage coach/counselor can/will never hurt.

I wish the best,,

stever