Can't take plan A anymore. Losing love deposits for WW at ever increasing rate. She's a fence sitting cake eater and would like comments on plan B letter please.

"Dear (WW),
I want you to know, and I believe you do, that I love you with all my heart and have from almost the first time I set eyes on you at the Sheraton. When I married you I married you for life and I still want to stay married to you for life.

I realize now the mistakes I have made that created an unhappy life for you. I never intentionally wanted to hurt you or make you unhappy and am truly sorry that I did.

I am taking steps to correct those things in my life that allowed this to happen.

The affair you are having with (OM) has torn out my heart and is too painful for me to bear anymore. It is destroying the love and the respect that I have for you and this is something I desperately do not want to happen.

As long as you are having an affair with (OM), or you have any contact with him, I cannot see or speak with you. When the affair and contact ends, I would love to discuss reconciliation and the rebuilding or our marriage with you.

But until that time, I ask that you not contact me for anything. All issues that cannot go through the children can go through (friend) who will act as an intermediary.


Love (devastated_dad)"

The issues with the children are cheerleading schedules of who is going to be at what meets so I don't cross paths with her there.

Comments/suggestions please.
DD

Sounds good to me.

Ok Ddad,

Ready to stress test your letter? I know you are very tired but know that this is when the WS usually shows unusual strength. Not in a healthy way but in a ashing bashing way. Ready?
Think of your reply to the following statements:

W: Why are you giving me this letter?

W: What do you mean - no contact?

W: Do you want me to push me into OM's arms?

W: Why are you giving up on our M?

W: Why are you doing this to me?

W: Don't you love me?

W: I just need more time, then I'll come back.

W: Trust me.

W: How could you be so cruel?

Those are just a sample of the plan B responses from a typical fogheaded WS.

When you can respond without anger, then you can give your letter.

IMHO, of course.
L.

Hi Devastated dad,

Plan B letter sounds good to me, short and concise. BUT, this is the Plan B letter I should have for eg. given my husband, because he is a male. I got feedback to shorten mine, to leave out feelings, because for men it is the short and concise message that works better. The first draft I wrote with a lot of feeling, was the kind of letter I guess I would have liked to receive myself.

Maybe as a woman I would like to hear a bit more "feelings" into the letter. Remember, when she starts testing your boundaries, it needs to be a letter you keep on "shoving" in her face, to keep reminding her of YOU, and how You remember her, perceive her.

Couldn´t you talk to the woman in her, something like when you met her at Sheraton and looked into her beautiful eyes...when you kneeled before her (some feelings) and asked her to marry her, you were the happiest man on earth...or when she walked down the aisle (some feelings)...you know just a few small words, here and there talking to her the WOMAN - the woman you love,cherish and miss! I think she needs to see that. JIMHO.

O.K.

When you finally pick up the courage to give her the plan B letter and go into plan B, remember you will now be THROWING her into the OM arms. I know you are reluctant to do that, but it is the ONLY way reality will hit her.

MAKE SURE, that when you go to Plan B, she has the BEST possible taste of you in her mouth when you go dark.

She will do everything and anything to try to "lure" you out, because she will be missing that good "taste". Don´t let her.

One thought Plan A was tough. Plan B is tougher.
BE prepared!

-queen-

DD - I agree with post from Queen of a Broken Heart, you should reveal more of your personal feelings about her . . . appeal to her sensitive side. Also, is there anything in particular that pushed you into this plan B? You want to make sure you are doing it for you, not just to force the issue with her. After all, Plan B is about your recovery, not revenge on her.

I like the letter as written. It's concise, to the point, has plain boundaries, offers reconciliation. She didn't care for your feelings when she committed adultery. Now is not the time for feelings, it's time for action. Go for it and God bless!

DD your plan B letter is a good one, but before you send it, I'd like for you to read the Plan B letter that Jon (the BH) gave to Sue (the WW) in Harley's 'Surviving An Affair':

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">""My Dear Sue.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped your affair with Greg possible. I foolishly pursued my career without understanding my responsibility to meet your most important emotional needs. I was not there for you when you needed me the most, and we are now both suffering for my mistake.

I am willing to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past and creat a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. But I cannot do that until you end your relationship with Greg once and for all.

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. I will also not be able to help you financially. Our friends Jane and Paul have agreed to help make arrangements for you to visit the children whenever you would like. But I will not be here when you visit. If you want to communicate about the children or any other matter, it will have to be through Jane and Paul.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you this way. You must know about the suffering I have endured because of your relationship with Greg, and I simply cannot be with you any longer, knowing that you are with him. I still love you but I cannot see you under these conditions.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from Greg and are willing to follow the measures that were suggested to ensure total separation, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

I want us to be able to rebuild our marriage some day. I want us to be able to meet each other's emotional needs and to avoid doing anything to hurt each other. We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I loved you when we married and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot be with you or help you as long as your are seeing Greg.

With my love.

Jon</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jon delivered the letter to Sue and he also sent a copy to Greg with a note at the bottom saying:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I love Sue with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make her happy. I will wait for her to give me that chance."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">