Son

I also ask you, if you are a praying person, to please pray for me to find another job. I have to have contact every day with the OM at work. I have to work with him with some of his accounts. I have exhaused all means of finding another job that would pay what I'm making.

I want to get out of here even though I've been here 17 years. I know that I'll never sufficiently be able to move on and heal emotionally until I'm removed from the situation completely.

Thanks

Lisa

Have you told your H about the affair? Have you been in counseling to learn what emotional needs were not being met in your marriage? Have you discussed your emotional needs with H? Have you and H started counseling together?

If you don’t take these steps you will repeat your behavior again with a different man.

I will pray that you find another job soon.


Beau


p.s.-talk to mrsx and encourage her to do what is right

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SonofWF:
<strong> Lisa

Beau


p.s.-talk to mrsx and encourage her to do what is right </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PLEASE!! And also read my other thread...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SonofWF:
<strong> Lisa

Beau


p.s.-talk to mrsx and encourage her to do what is right </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PLEASE!! And also read my other thread...

Lisa

Thanks for supporting mrsx. She is hurting really bad at the moment so any support will be appreciated.


OK, what about you? What’s going on with you? How are you feeling? Talk to me about your sitch.

Beau

Lisa

WWWOOOHHHHOOO You alive and well?

Beau

^^^^ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

hi twin ladies

welcome to reality ..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

This is from a former OM ...

You both give too much concern about the OM because your H stays there and ready to take you back and you both thinks much about OM and his acceptance, do you know how much disrespectful that is to your H???

I understand your pain, because i was there too. I was lured into an A by a serial cheater MW. I am single so my actions ended with limited destruction. But in your cases , its not like that . U are virtually throwing your lives, history out.

The most painful observation i found in both of your posts is you both do not give a **** about your respective H s feelings no matter how bad they are. (im sorry if i am wrong)

Just about withdrawal,fog and your FEELINGS .
I know those feelings of being a WW. feeling crappy. I felt like that too. May not be the exact women feelings but i understand the pain. Pain of betraying....... I betrayed . I might have been seduced or lured or whatever it is, but it is my choice as well as you both had that choice.

Thank your god for getting a second chance. Do you know how your H sees you now?. Do you know what he feels?. You both are no longer special to your Hs. Infidelity is the lowest point in a human beings life other than rape. In rape atlest the victim is just one. but here u rape your H,your family,OP wife and her family.

I lost my honour when i indulged in that EA and almost PA. I am still fighting with myself to getting it back. I am fairly young. I can really reapir what i did. But not everybody is blessed with that.

Do you know onething ?.
OMs give a shi*t about you. What you are getting out of this realation is just getting some needs met and thinknig that it is love. Cant you see that the OMs are just feeding your ego and MEETING ONLY THE NEEDS NOT MET BY YOUR H. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . They are not taking responsibility about feeding you, clothing you and getting a roof over your head and a million other things.

(I am barking at my lodest voice from here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> )

They just fill a void. They are not the answer to your problems. They are in an abyss deeper than you. They are poor souls with extremely low self esteem and are ready to do anything in their life to get their happiness . Do you know what i was thinkning when i was saying ILY to her? ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> OK, i can have my pie free, free fu*ck and no strings attached....) I was literally a scumbag at that time as every OM is.

They dont care anything about your feelings. They say the right words at the right time with the right tone.

Have you both seen UNFAITHFUL ?, I saw that 7 times and cried over everytime. See that if possible. I also felt cheated. Lost my great soul. (very true). I was a model for everyone before that. TRULY A MODEL. The only solace is that i came out of it unharmed other than getting a life time tag "FORMER OM". I cant erase it.

You too can come out of this mess as i did. Goto your H. He is going to be your GOD for the time being. But this will take time, patience and courage. To get the trust,integrity it will atleast take 2 years. Work on you, your M and that great solid men who are still there for you both.

Your H are not just wonderful but great real men with integrity and honour.
Goto them, All the best. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dhanush

Thanks for your post. Everything thing that you said is pretty accurate except for the fact of not considering my H's feelings. Being single makes it hard for you to put yourself in our place of feeling the horrible guilt of betrayal along with the "fog/feelings" for the OM. I, like you, was what everyone thought a wonderful, respectable woman. I'm going to be really honest with you here. I was a virgin when I married and this A was only the second man that I've ever been with. Talking about despising yourself!! When I confronted my H about it, he told me that he too had an A 3 years after we were married so I guess in my case he can relate a little better than most men. If I could just turn off these feelings, whatever they are, for the OM don't you know I would in a hearbeat! I think to recover though, I have to deal honestly with them, try to understand the void that he filled, and rebuild my marriage. The fact that I "whored" myself out to him time and time again has totally destroyed my dignity and self respect. It does hurt me more than you know that I have disappointed my H as well as those that know me. Unfortunately, these situations make for great gossip in office environments and i have been told that most of the office knows about it. I guess many would say that I deserve that, I made my bed so to speak. If I could go back a year and a half I would never have allowed this. Hind sight is always 20/20! My regrets haunt me every day. You have to understand when you read these posts though that we are trying to deal realistically with our feelings. They may come across as selfish but speaking for myself they are not. I have been selfish and won't deny that but am desperately trying to make a step in the right direction.

Lisa


John 8:1-11
1 But Jesus went to the R488 Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He R489 sat down and began to teach them. 3 The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, 4 they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. 5 "Now in the Law Moses R490 commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?" 6 They were saying this, testing R491 Him, so R492 that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. 7 But when they persisted in asking Him, He R493 straightened up, and said to them, "He R494 who is without sin among you, let him be the first R495 to throw a stone at her." 8 Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. 10 Straightening R496 up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" 11 She said, "No one, Lord." F92 And Jesus said, "I R497 do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin R498 no more."]


We ALL sin and do terrible things. We ALL make huge mistakes. Your Creator and Savior do not condemn you. You husband doesn’t condemn you. Why should you condemn yourself?

The feelings for the OM are a fantasy. They are not real because they are based on lies and deception.

Beau

SonofWF

Hi! I'm here. That scripture that you quoted about the woman caught in the act of adultery has crossed my mind so many times over the last couple of weeks. One interesting thing too is what happened to the man. Why wasn't he brought before Jesus. That has nothing to do with me particulary but just a curious observation. Thanks for the encouragement. I hope that you are doing ok.

dhanush

I guess you and I share something that isn't real special. We were both the other person's 4th A.
Did that make you bitter with the OW?

dhanush

I guess you and I share something that isn't real special. We were both the other person's 4th A.
Did that make you bitter with the OW?


Lisa

Why would you feel bitter with the OW?

Beau

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"One interesting thing too is what happened to the man. Why wasn't he brought before Jesus."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sexual politics.

Lisa

John 8:1 – 11

The commentary that I read says that the incident with the woman was staged to trap Jesus and provision had been made to let the man escape. Under Jewish Law both would have been executed but not necessarily by stoning. The crux of the trap was to see if Jesus would agree that the woman should be stoned. If Jesus agreed, he would be breaking Roman law because Jews were not allowed to carry out death sentences. If Jesus disagreed, he would be accused of not supporting the law. The answer that Jesus gave implied support of the law because he mentioned stoning but the qualifications for stoning prevented anyone one from acting. “ If anyone of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone.” Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. He straightened up and said “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? No sir, she said. Then neither do I condemn you. Now go and leave your life of sin.”

Beau

I haven't followed this thread... just read the last few posts.

One main reason the man wasn't brought into the picture as far as the adultery is because... well, men literally ruled back then (still do alot of the time today!). In other words, they had more rights and priveleges than women. For instance, in the OT, a man could divorce his wife (according to law... it was not okay in Jesus' eyes), but a wife could not divorce her husband. Women were really not treated that greatly overall.

Jesus was the one who stood up for women... like when he set the adulterous woman free.

According to the law then, a woman in adultery was stoned. In fact, that is why Moses finally said that if a man were to divorce his wife, he had to give her a cert. of divorce. Otherwise, he could just kick the wife out of the house and people would assume she had committed adultery and then stone her! The cert. of divorce protected her from that. It gave her and the children some rights so that they wouldn't just be homeless or mistreated.

Even though men put themselves "above" God's law back then, in God's eyes, they were (and are) just as accountable for their sins as women were. It says in the Bible, that in Christ, "... there is neither male nor female." In other words, men and women are both equal and accountable to God.

Adultery is a very, very serious sin. It destroys families and societies. It can destroy a person's reputation and their peace of mind, leaving many scars and a life full of regret and sorrow. "Jilted" spouses have even murdered spouses or OP over betrayals. The pain and devestation caused by adultery cannot even be measured.

P.S. I was wondering "Son of WF"... does your name mean Son of Wayward Father??

<small>[ November 17, 2003, 12:51 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

LoveMyEx

Yes, I am the son of a wayward father who had a series of affairs over a twenty year period. I first became aware of the affairs when I was 10 yo. My family suffered greatly because of the affairs. I being the first and oldest of two son's was reponsible for picking up the pieces.

Beau

dhanush, you said it well. The OM doesn't care much for his woman. In my case the OM is married, and he obviously treats his wife like dirt. But WW doesn't want to acknowledge that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> They are so selfish and self-centered.

just as a historical side note, understand that in the jewish religion, (and what is being discussed is really a question of jewish history and culture) infidelity on the female side is considerd much worse because a jew can only be a jew if born to a jewish woman...(because one never really knows who the real father is!)

in other words, if a child is born of a jewish woman that child is considered part of the tribe...sooooo...being that part of the tribe was everything, infidelity among woman was serioulsy frowned upon!...particularly at that time.

one other thought. all of a families worth is past along to legitamte heirs of the family only. when a man fornicated it was not excused but it was not as serious. men obviously don't bear the children who will inherit!! so punishing woman for adultry with more vengeance was in fact the means used to assure that the wealth of the family stayed in the family!

that is why by the way, marriage was and still is a matter of contractuale law...not love...at least not until the late 19th century anyway.

up until then marriage was nothing more then a method to assure a strong economic unit. thus divorce was frowned upon to say the least!

not very romantic ha? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

coach

Auto

So in your case OM treats his wife like dirt and WW is selfish and self centered. What does that make you?