MrsX,
I understand how you feel. You are scared "---less" concerning how your H is going to react to the news of the PA. BTW, several people have asked how he reacted to the EA and you ignored tthe question. You are focusing on yourself . I don't mean to be harsh but stop thinking of yourself first and start thinking of the feelings of your husband. This is what got you into trouble in the first place. Putting your H's feelings second to yours. It's called being selfish. Both of your feelings have equal footing in the relationship. Stop. Be brave. Be thoughtful. Tell him.

You are going through withdrawal. What happens if you have a weak moment and call or see the OM. By telling your H asap this insures that you'll be less likely to slip. Your H will also be hyper vigilant about your activities.

You said you were going to tell him Thurs. pm after your IC session. I'd suggest that you tell him Wed night in private and arrange a MC session on Thurs. for the both of you (This assumes your IC can effectively double as a MC- some can others can't)

Isn't your H asking alot of questions about you "EA"? If he isn't, he's very unusual or more likely in shock. How are you responding to the questions? More lies? Not good. Remember lies of ommission are just as bad as those of commission.

Have you sent a NC letter to OM? Send the NC letter this second so once you tell your H you can show him the NC letter. The letter should be short, direct and to the point. No.."you mean so much to me"....."soul mate"...."have a wonderful life"...blah,blah and more blah. It should state that you have realized that you have made a horrible mistake. You love your husband very much. You want to focus on him and your marriage. Therefore you can never see or communicate with OM again. Ever. Say "please respect my feelings and wishes on this matter."

Are you going to do it? Or are we going to get another post from you that says because you are going thru such horrible withdrawal that you couldn't possibly do the right thing. Rationalization!!!!

Send the NC letter today. An e-mail works too. Just don't read the response if one comes back from the OM. Send the NC letter now. Then if you want to postpone the PA news until Thurs. so be it.

If the tone of this post is tough. well ...good. It's tough love time.

cwmac

mrsx


You know what you must do. You must tell H the whole truth and you must have no contact with Mr.Y. Anything less and your playing games again. I understand that you want to spare yourself the pain of telling the truth. But, if you keep putting this off and tell more lies your only digging a deeper hole for yourself.

Beau

MrsX,
It's Thursday.

How are you and H doing?

cwmac

looking for that "diva" mrsx. Waiting
for you to come back to MB!!!!

Lisa

MrsX,
I came on MB today thinking that there would be an update from you per your response to my thread.

Have you told your H yet?

cwmac

I hope you find yourself and your happiness.

<small>[ December 10, 2003, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: S.H. ]</small>

S.H.

You should consider deleting your email address from your post.

best,
-ol' 2long

mrsx are you out there??

Inquiring minds want to know.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

i told my H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Mrs. X -

How is your H doing with the news? Have you shared this site with him?

How are you doing?

I know this is tough......
Thinking about you.....
DB

I am glad that you told your H. At least now he knows what is going on and can decide if he wants to continue the marriage or not.

Beau

mrsx:

I'm proud of you!

Things will be hard for a while, but they will get BETTER, for sure! Please feel free 2 come here if you need help, okay?

-ol' 2long

Mrsx,

Do come back and post to us so we can help.Let us know how things are going.

O


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dazed 2long and Beau:
thanks for being here for me.
it's very dark here right now. i have continued to see mr.y for the past few weeks. i am not going into detail as u can figure it out yourselves. last night wasn't a good night for me emotionally, with the mixed feelings and guilt and fear and all, i was hysterical crying when H came home. he asked what was wrong, i couldn't hold back any longer. i told him that i cheated on him. that i am still involved with OMM. i told him he isn't to blame that it isn't his fault. i told him that i never imagined this would happen to us. i asked him how much he wants to know, if he wants details or not. he said he didn't know yet. i asked him if he thinks we can survive this? if he wants to. he said he doesn't know anything right now. i asked him if he still loves me he said of course he always has and there should never have been any doubt. he questions however, if i have ever loved HIM and if i do now. i told him i understand and he has the right to question that. i gave him the link to "Just Found Out" he said he will definitely look at it. I went to bed and didn't go to work today. he woke up and was very silent and depressed looking he hugged and kissed me goodbye and went to work. i am very confused. i am scared. i don't know what is going to happen now. i don't know if i DO love him and how i can go about trying to love him and making this marriage work.
i want to know more about how he feels now and what the future holds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Dear Mrs X:

You want to know what the future holds?

The future is in YOUR hands right now. The future is NC right now, immediately, yesterday, forever, no waffling, ever!

No emails, no pages, no ims, no pms, no ms of any kind! No cell phones, no land phones, no letters, no text messages, no visits.

The sooner you get started on this, the sooner you will overcome your withdrawals. If you had started the NC when you came here you would be 5 weeks into it now, and nearly being over OM!

You hold the future.

Without NC, there is going to be pain. Pain for your H as he will see that you don't think he is worthy of your love. Pain for your children because you are too busy deciding which man you want to be with that you don't have time for them. Pain for your employers and co-workers because your life is in such turmoil.... etc.

I'm not kidding you that there isn't pain with NC either. But it is a healing pain. One that you and your H can get through together and be stronger for.

Please, write that letter now and share it with your H when he gets home. It will be the best Christmas present you both receive!
dB

<small>[ December 19, 2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: dazed blonde ]</small>

Dear Mrs. X.
I just read your entire story, all 8 pages. (Between running up and down the stairs making Christmas cookies.)

I so identify with what you are saying! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
How your mind says how wrong it is and how your heart says "no one will be hurt, you deserve this happiness".
How we lie to ourselves when we are engrossed in the FOG!

I am especially following your story as I have not told my husband, now that the affair is over and am considering telling him in January; then maybe go on a vacation together to Florida.

The affair with my OM has been over since Aug. 4th; but still we share weekly e-mails and he calls me once a month.
I haven't broken contact entirely away from him or him me, not YET, but the time is nearing!

Do you mean the past 2 weeks you resumed the lovemaking part of the affair?
That is going to make it so much more difficult for you.

Don't you absolutely hate the word 'adulteress' because that is what you and me are!
It is almost unbelieveable that we let ourselves go that way in our lives, isn't it?
I will be watching here for what now happens in your marriage.
I hope you can stay away from the OM especially now that your husband knows as it will hurt him SO MUCH if you continue.

It is almost like when you started the no contact concept, it made the OM want you more; kinda like he wanted to be the aggressor and liked the chase.
He didn't like being the one that was 'shunned'.
He would have wanted to 'dump' you, not have you 'dump' him...Just a thought.
Sincerely, Sarah
Does his wife know? Are you going to tell her or tell him HE needs to tell her or you will?

Sarie

Why don't you back out of the conversation with mrsx until you have told your H? You only pop up when you find a sympathetic ear. You have had months to talk to H and have not done so. So, talk to H and we will be happy to help you out. Right now mrsax needs our support.

Beau

mrsx

You have know for weeks what you must do to end the affair. No contact! Send the letter tomorrow after H has read it.

H will need all of your support to get past the affair. You have hurt him in the worst possible way. Be there for your husband and your kids.

Beau

MrsX

Having read all your posts, I can't imagine why you would question your love for your husband. If you don't, you dang sure fooled me into thinking you did.

Fog.

M.

Beau, yes I do know what I need to do. I am still carrying on w/mr.y and I know it is wrong. I have told him that it needs to end. My last day at work is 12/31. I gave my notice already. I am changing my cell number and email accounts as well. Btw, I have no kids, just for the record. I don't even know what I did to my H. He hasn't reacted yet. I was with him tonight when he got home from work (11:00pm) and tried to talk more about it. He doesn't want to talk. He needs a few days to think he said. I told him whatever he needs is ok. Whatever he wants me to do is ok too, when he is ready I will do whatever it is he wants.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SonofWF:
<strong> mrsx

You have know for weeks what you must do to end the affair. No contact! Send the letter tomorrow after H has read it.

H will need all of your support to get past the affair. You have hurt him in the worst possible way. Be there for your husband and your kids.

Beau </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">