Where do you find hope when all your thoughts and dreams of the future have been crushed? Where do you find hope when your reality as you knew it has been destroyed? How can you hope to fix a marriage when you find out that it has been based on lies, secrets, omissions, and deceit? Where do you find the strength to try to meet your WS's emotional needs when you have been hurt so bad? How can you hope to regain the feelings of trust you once had when your WS is still dong untrustworthy things?

These are just some of my feelings, I was hoping that some of you that have been through this could tell me where you found the strength to try to make your marriages work?

Thank you,

BS (me) 36
WW 29
S's 9 and 6
D 2
D-day 10-28-2003

There is only one possible explaination for the strength and peace I had getting thru all of this. His name is Jesus Christ and you will not believe the peace he can bring into your life when you think you're dieing inside. Trust in him!

I'm not saying there won't be bad days and sleepless nights, but there were many nights when I would just pray to God to take the pain away and let me have a good nights sleep and the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was morning.

I would also recommend finding a good counselor that can help you to focus on yourself.

Also, don't be afraid to try medication. There are many good medications that can help relieve some of the emmotional stress and help you to stay focussed on the important things (you and your kids).

I know you feel like you have lost all control and don't know which way to turn. Please know that you can get thru this and have a stronger, better marriage than you ever dreamed.

Many Prayers,

Le

Hi there brad,

LET GO LET GOD... is one of my mottos and it truly does work if you let it. How you do that is by asking for that help and then metnally working your brain into other areas of your life, inch by inch, day by day. That's how I am doing it. Also, working on myself,issues I have and had brought to the marriage,working with a MC that focuses on me when I am the only one there has been so helpful. If I may, I want to send you a prayer from my Silent Unity book. I find each day has an inspiring message:

"I turn every challenge over to God and remain open to God's perfect response".

~Sometimes I may become caught up in trying too hard to solve a problem. I may struggle and strive, and still I find no solution in sight. But in the mind of God,there was a solution even before I was aware of the challenge.God know's my needs. It is my part to be receptive to God's response. In complete surrender to God, I let go of my plan,my will,my way.I dare to believe that God's gift's that are already planned for me will be even better than anything I have been striving for to create. I rest in the stillness, not asking for or trying to understand anything but simply listening with a patient,open mind and heart.Not having any preconceived idea of what God's answer should be, I am receptive to all possibilities. I relax with complete trust that God's plan for my good is unfolding now~

I really love that prayer because it allows us to not hang onto what we think SHOULD happen rather it allows us to be open to so many possibilities which may include that we will not be with our current spouse. Yes, it is frightening and it is not what we would like to imagine while we are going through all this pain but I think we expend too much effort on trying to makes things happen our way instead of working on ourselves and the greatness in that. That is giving me power right now and helping me to realize that:

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL BE OK.

Try to remain mostly focused on you right now, I know that is hard.(I don't mean to say that you shouldn't be doing the Plans and such). It got easier for me as I went along. Visit family and friends who are supportive, do things that pamper yourself, you are a worthy human being and should be treated as such. Don't wait to get that need met right now by your fogged spouse.Take a long walk,go hiking,paint,write,etc.I have found that being out in nature has helped me tremendously.Being in action means you are not paralyzed IMO.

I just want you to know that when I found out about my husbands affair, I was nearly catatonic with the pain and shock. I was paralyzed, I lost a lot of weight,couldn't sleep for weeks,etc.etc but now I am here to say that because I have focused more on me I am a happier person, I have grown just looking inward and therefore I am a better person to be in front of my husband as we go through all of this.

None of us had only ONE dream in our lives,to be married right? We all had and have many dreams. Start exploring those within yourself.The marriage one might not be working right at this point but there are others you can start to make happen. Think back to when you were an individual, not married.That person, in all of us, is still there. I think we sometimes lose our identity in our spouses and forget who we are as "individuals".It may help you to fill needs of your spouse if you continue to explore what your own are.It's a first step in regaining what makes us happy.

October <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think you can have hope if your WS is willing to work on the M and find the whys of the A. You have to give her at least that much. I can only speak from her point of view since I am the WS and I will be forever grateful that my W has been willing to see a MFC,communicate(sp) and most importantly love me. She is angry, devastated,depressed,and humiliated. But she has given us a chance to rebuild that which I so easily ripped apart. Your hope is in her, your hope is in you, your hope is in staying together. If the affair is over(hopefully) your W is also devastated. I know you can't see that now but she is. Try to become her hero and pick up the pieces. Remember "In sickness and Health" ? She is sick right now perhaps even close to death... rescue her... she is worth it. She can't go to him she only has you. It may not seem like it but she needs you now more than ever and you need her. The A was about her and not about you. My heart goes out to you.
H

try
Divorce busting

<small>[ November 13, 2003, 06:35 PM: Message edited by: Hiker ]</small>

Brad,

I am sorry for the pain you and your wife are experiencing.

Decide what you want...yes you. Then find out if your wife wants the same thing. Be willing to do anything and I mean anything. You have also got to be willing to say adios as well. Lay it all on the line...you have very little to lose.

You cannot make her do anything but by listening, keeping the outbursts to a minimum, and showing her you want to make it work you will make it difficult her her to find excuses not to try.

Get professional help today. Take the lead. You are the only one that can help yourself. You are going to have to deal with this one way or another, with or without your wife. Why not try to salvage and rebuild?

You and your wife were attracted to each other for a reason. You see things in each other that you like or want. Rediscover what those things are.

Hey Brad,

How are you doing? Please write and give us an update.

Many Prayers,

Le