Oh, Tired Lady. My H said the same to me:<P>"Your jealousy made it necessary for me to talk to someone behind your back, and it just escalated from there".<P>or<P>"You're so hard to talk to that I had to find someone else to listen".<P>and<P>"I didn't want to hurt you, but I had no choice."<P>GRRRR

I've been monitering this post, but until today have been unable to post.....<P>I'm not sure anything he says anymore is true, because it feels as if he lied about everything.....Tried to make me think IT was all in my head, made me feel guilty for questioning him and his committment.<P>Two statements come to mind....<P>The first, spoken whenever there was a crying child (maybe 2 or 3 yrs old) in a public place he always said"<BR> "Gosh, I'm glad those days are over, I'd never do that again!"<BR>Our children are 13 & 18, the OW child, who he spent ALOT of time playing daddy to, was a toddler)<P>The second, said often, in conversations about us and our future and our family:<BR>"We're stuck with each other, no one else could put up with either of us"<BR>Well, he had obvoiusly found someone else to "put up with him" so he must have meant, no one besides him could put up with me????<P>Anyway, I now question eveything, if he says "It's raining outside" I sneak a peak to besure it's true!<P>BTW, he doesn't ever say the two statements typed above anymore...............

Wow....what memories:<BR>1) I just need some time alone to think <P>2) Fine, I'll stay with you for the sake of the kids<P>3) I'm not calling anyone from the car phone, but if you open my mail it's a Federal Offense.<P>4) If you hadn't neglected me, I wouldn't have been on the computer. I wasn't looking for her she just happend.<P>5) I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy.<P>6) How do I know that you trying to save our marriage isn't just temporary?<P>7) (This was my favorite) How do I know I can trust YOU?

OK, so it hurts but these are some of the worst ones, maybe by writing them here I can get them off my mind:<P>1. That wasn't her car at my office, there are lots of red honda's around like that.(Still hate the sight of a red honda!)<BR>2. What makes you say that???<BR>3. Oh, she called the office on accident, she wanted to call you at home but mis-dialed! (when he mentioned something she had told him about us getting together as a foursome!)<BR>4. What do you think is going on? Would I be here if I was involved with her?<BR>5. HONEST!!<BR>Yes, I still have trouble trusting, will I ever pop out of it? Well, it took him so long to come clean I wonder sometimes. I know he's committed to us but for how long this time? Doesn't this all sound just toooooooooo familure?<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

ahh, but i t goes much deeper...<BR>"well, there are 4 kinds of flamingoes: the big and little pink ones, and the black and the white ones that live in california"<P>The lying just takes SO MANY forms, and THEY BELIEVE THE STUFF!<BR>

"I can understand why you have a hard time trusting me but I wasn't with her."<P>Right before I repeated the message word for word about where he was supposed to meet her that day.

When I questioned why he disappeared for 14 hours. "I went (to a neighboring town) looked around, ate supper, went to a concert, got drunk and slept in my SUV."<P>"Who were you with?"<P>"Nobody. I LIKE to spend time alone."<P>I had bought this time alone, space crap for quite awhile, but at this point I thought he was either insane or cheating again. I sort of preferred "insane".<P>AND he used this nearly exact alibi at the same function LAST YEAR! He was with her both years.<P>Remind me why I might want to save this marriage? GRRR.<P>

ok Wex...<P>1. "I went shopping (for 5 hours)"<BR>2. "I just drove around (for four hours)"<BR>3. "I don't know why his number is on the cellphone bill!"<BR>4. "(we can't have sex) because I have endometriosis."<BR>5. "I only bought him a sweater because it was his birthday."<BR>6. "Why do you still bring this up...why can't you just get over it!?!"<BR>7. "Your the one who is insecure, pathetic, (insert derogatory adjective of your choice)___________, etc."<BR>8. "I was with the girls." <BR>9. "I only let him drive your car a coupla times"<BR>10. and the famous.... "He's only a friend!"

after 12 years of marriage: <P>"BUT, I WAS FAITHFUL for 6 years" <P>(my response.."you don't get extra credit for the time you were faithful")

How about telling your 6 year old that Mommy has a mental problem because she thinks I had an affair....<P>Or, I can't stay late after work or go to a bar or your mommy will accuse me of having an affair. Don't listen to her, she has a mental problem.

After 22 years of marriage: "You were a good man,a good husband,but I just fell in love with somebody else.Sorry."

Wexwill, <BR>I too live with these same paradoxes. She lied to me for 5 years...hundreds and hundreds of times...now she looks at me with those same "sincere" eyes...and says that NOW she really is telling the truth...she didn't really love him....she didn't mean to hurt me (okay,,I can buy that...what about after 6 months?? 1 year? 2 years? 3 years? 4 years? almost 5 years?...hundreds of lies and questions from me..but she DID NOT KNOW I WAS HURTING!!) Does this sound plausible to you??<P>I think among the horrors we must live with, this is one of the worst. We have NO reason to believe a single word our spouses tell us. How and Why should we??? There is no logical reason. I look at her, and she sits with tears running down her face..and says.."But NOW I am telling the truth"...she told me for 5 years she was telling the truth...I was crazy..there was nothing going on....He was just her boss...they just had a "working" relationship..."Look at you..you are hurting our children..YOU are destroying our family!!".....God help her for this evil she has put on our entire family.<P>Take Care,<BR>DG99(H)

Ouch-i should have gone to bed instead of coming here to check in but ..............<P>1) I thought you didn't love me any more<P>2) I didn't have any feelings for her (right-he just screws people he hasn't feelings for)<P>3) She flirted with me ( he forgot to mention he flirted back)<P>4 The OW best line was "I swear on my father's grave " (too bad she lied big time while swearing on that)<P>I wonder if we will ever get over this <P>Take care all<P>*heartache*

I should be in bed too but heres a few<BR> <BR> 1. I would have called but I got too busy.<BR> (talking to her on phone)<BR> 2. No,you just stay in bed, I'll run out and get our coffee. (calling her again)<BR> <BR> 3. There was a bad wreck and I had to go<BR> the long way.<BR> <BR> 4. how could somebody be so stupid to fall in love over a computer? ( we were talking about love online)<P> 5. oh I dont talk to any women on the computer, you know I dont.<BR> <BR> 6.I couldnt have an affair, your too smart for that! ( I believed him)<BR> <BR> 7.well I tried to keep busy while you were<BR> gone. (this is the weekend he spent with her!)<P> 8.Thats not my writing, I swear!<BR> ( when he woke up seeing emails and letters all over the wall after I found out)<P> 9.ok ok we were in bed together, but ,well,<BR> we didnt do anything, well nothing that I<BR> havent already done with you,well , you ,<BR> you know you shouldnt do this to me while<BR> we are on vacation,you just want to pick a fight now dont you? Im so sorry, I didnt think you'd ever find out.<P> 10.The computer was your idea!

“I was shopping.” For eight hours after you told me you would be home?!?<P>“I don’t need to tell you EVERYWHERE I go. You’re not my Dad!”<P>Me: “Where did this T-shirt come from?”<BR>Her: “I don’t know.”<BR>Me, three weeks later: “Where did this T-shirt come from?”<BR>Her: I got it when I went to the mountains.”<BR>Me, three days later: “Where did this T-shirt come from?”<BR>Her: “I don’t know.”

i haven't posted for awhile. but i need to vent. after 16yrs of marriage heres mine:<BR>1. we're just friends, she understands me you don't.<BR>2. if you didn't work so much.<BR>3. look what all you've done to our marriage.<BR>4. you are so paronoid you need some help.<BR>5. i enjoy being alone, i need time to think<BR>6. i have sexual addictions.<BR>7. i have attention deficet disorder.<BR>8. her h is never home, she's lonely.<BR>9. why did you send me to her house when you knew her h wasn't home.<BR>10. i'm sorry i never meant to hurt you.

1. We're soulmates<BR>2. I've never loved you<BR>3. We married for the wrong reasons<BR>4. I'm an adult and can make my own decisions<BR>5. It's private<BR>6. I'm not trying to hurt you<BR>7. Why won't you believe me (yes - she asked this)

"I don't lie about anything but this." (The affair)

it is so good to know that i am not the only one who believed all this nonsense. and really good to hear of how his lies really made me think i was the crazy one....<BR>---i fell asleep on the job and slept on the floor (after cleaning a new construction site)<P>---i AM in love with you, how can i prove it???? (while he was proving it to her!)<P>--- nothing i do is ever enough ( he was doing exactly that NOTHING with me and lots with her)<P>do the memories of the lies ever go away???<BR>i like the rubberband on the wrist idea.<BR>thank you all.

My H has used:<P>-the famous "we're just friends".<P>-sometimes I feel I do have a connection with OW, but nothing sexual has happened<P>-you're just jealous because she's young and attractive(btw, I'm not old; I'm 31)<P>-in the beginning: I can't believe you don't trust me; I would never question you and if I did I would believe you<P>-she's a good person to talk to<P>-we were only talking(after discovering that they spent 4 nights in a hotel together)<P>-her father beats the s*** out of her that's why I got the hotels for her. I visited her there but never spent the night(that's what he told his sister)<P>-the list can go on & on<P>