He doesn't always, or even usually, treat you with love and respect? Another words, he's ended the affair but there is still much lacking at home. My husband claims to love me and says that he wants our marriage. But, his actions would indicate differently. He's gone much of the time with his business. He doesn't seem too terribly interested in spending time with me or building a relationship. He isn't interested in me sexually...so all in all, I'm lonely and hurting. Yet, I hate the idea of divorce. I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this position and then later experienced a positive change. Could that yet take place? Or is this all that will ever be?

Leah,

Are you certain the A is ended? With him gone on business so much, it's a red flag. As is his not spending time with you, being interested in building a relationship, or being interested in you sexually.

What safeguards are in place to protect you and give you proof he is not in contact with his A partner: access to voicemail/email (he needs to share his passcodes), opening mail together and letting you see itemized cell phone bills, gas charge cards (shows where he was exactly). If he has to travel for business, is it an option for you to go with him?

I'm sorry, but just at face value, without knowing much more about your situation, it sounds like the affair never ended. I truly, truly hope I am wrong. But you need proof.

Hugs.

*S*

Sparkle,

Thanks for your reply. I'm sure his first affair ended. To the best of my knowledge, there is no one now. But because he owns his own business, he has a lot of freedom and flexibility.

We have tried some of the forms of accountability that you mentioned. Unfortunately, in the past, my H was very deceitful and creative. He would show me his phone bills but later I learned he purchased a second phone. He would show me his e-mails only later for me to learn he would create e-mail accounts and then delete them. He told me that he even memorized phone card numbers then would throw them out so there wouldn't be any evidence of them. So, you can see my dilema. If he wants to have an affair and hide it, he can.

As far as traveling with him, I occasionally can but it is difficult as we have three school age children who need me at home.

Anyhow, thanks for the questions and suggestions.
God bless.

Hi again, Leah,

Have you considered talking to one of the Harleys - Jennifer or Steve, or Penny Tupy (she's Cerri...our resident MB coach)?

They would be able to help you and your H build an accountable relationship and work with you on rebuilding the marriage.

Sounds to me like the two of you would benefit from some 3rd party assistance. Sometimes you just can't do it alone.

Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

*S*

Hi Sparkle,

Thanks for the suggestion of counselling with the Harley's. I have strongly been considering that. Have you ever spoken to either of them?

We have done some counselling here but it has mostly been IC rather than MC. My husband said he would be willing to go but doesn't really want to go. I haven't really known how much to push it as I question how valuable it would be if his attitude isn't very open.

Thanks again and hope you have a good day.

Leah,

If you want to email me at Sparkle_MB@hotmail.com I will tell you of my experience.

Prefer to do it privately rather than on this board.

*S*