I have recently learned that my husband of not quite 2 years is still in love with his former fiancee and that he would dump me in a heartbeat if there was a chance with her. I'm so broken-hearted that all I can do is shake. He doesn't know that I'm aware of this so I don't know what to do. Please help.

How do you know this? And how long were they not together before you met him?

I found it in an email to his best friend. They were apart almost a year before we met. That has been over 3 years ago. She has since married. And, their relationship was very hurtful for her from what I've been told by a close mutual friend. I doubt that she would ever go back with him - especially now. But, I feel like such a second fiddle, like the consolation prize.

cae:

The "good news" is that he apprently doesn't believe there is a chance with her. That buys you time. Time 2 learn about how As (affairs) start and what they can do 2 your M (marriage).

Consider confronting your H (husband) with your evidence. If you're worried about compromising your ability 2 find more if you feel there might be something going on or about 2 happen, then try suggesting that he and you get in2 counseling 2gether, or separately. If he won't go, you go.

If you haven't already done so, you should also check out the articles about infidelity on the home page. They're excellent, and might give you some ideas for a plan for preventing an A from starting.

I'm so glad you found the email before anything started. You have good chance at preventing a lot of suffering, for both of you and anyone else involved if an A were 2 start.

Best,
-2long

I know this is mostly "my" problem. And, as for counseling, we're already there. It started about a year ago after I learned that when he asked me to marry him, he had had to chose between me and another woman. And, that with her it was a "business decision". This was not the ex-fiancee either. In comparison with the "business decision", we both are fairly successful women. I just happened to be the younger (by about 10 years). And, it has come out in counseling that I was chosen because I was the better pick - not because he loved me so much that he couldn't live without me. But, this was just one topic that has been a point of counseling among several others. Before this latest discovery, I thought all of that one was gone. About the same time that I learned about the marriage decision, I also learned that he had called the ex-fiancee to wish her happy birthday. He claimed that it was just because he still feels they are friends. But, he doesn't bother to keep up with any of his other female friends' birthdays.

The problem is that she is still in his heart and I feel hopeless about what to do about it - if anything. I know intellectually that time will take care of this. But, I don't hide hurt feelings well and it took a long time to put these feelings to bed the last time.