Why do I want my WS back? He has told me tonight basically he doesn't know what true love is, maybe he was trying to save me whatever that means...We have been having some marital problems, then he went and had an EA, then went to counseling, continued to have EA, he called the cops on me on Thursday, they took him and arrested him for Domestic Violence, I bailed him out on Friday, he told me I disgust him and repulse him, he has spent every night since then away, Sunday comes and I find out I'm pregnant, he tells me I am lying in a desperate ploy to get hime back, he ignores my calls then wants to come home to see his daughter, burn cds whatever and then leave. He won't tell my where he is going, says I need to get over EA, I told him he needs to get over jail...

I can't be calm and rational and that is a big turn off for him, I begged him and pleaded and cried for him to stay...I told him I love him...I told him I wanted a divorce....why can't I think or act normal? What is normal? And of course once again he left....WHY DO I WANT HIM? WHY DO I LOVE HIM?

He has told me he doesn't know what true love is, he doesn't know what he is feeling, he is numb, he has no emotions left....why am I staying? Why am I begging? Am I just afraid to be alone? How could he be willing to give me up, our daughter and our baby in the oven?

Am I nuts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Maybe I am just afraid of being alone? I don't want to love someone unconditonally and that love not be returned! He says he can't remember the last time he was happy...maybe he has never been truly happy, he says he wanted to break up in college..I asked him why he wasted 7 years of my life and let me carrying and give birth to his child to come to this realization now....Why should he deserve me? Why can I see past this and forgive and forget? I wish I had the strength to say I am done and I am getting closer every day...

Why do I love him? Why would I even take him back? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Hi sweet1213

I was hoping some vet would pop up, but since no one has ansswered I'll give it a shot <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Why you love him? I don't think any of us can really answer that, you have live your life with him and you know the why. Maybe he is not a great guy now, but he used to be huh?
Besides love is that way you can't explain it.

Why you want him back? Well he IS your H, you are a commited women. Commited to your vous, love, faith and M. Is that bad? Hell no! Is the best. Is just that your sitch is not in the best shape now.

You got hope, and that will keep you going for a while.

In the meantime I strongly advice you to read Plan A and Plan B and put a plan A into action ASAP. Do not believe anything that comes from his mouth now. He got the "alien brain" inside now, and he is not just the man you used to know.

You have to keep strong for your faughter. If you can go to counseling and take antideps. They can help a lot in the begining. Make a circle of friends you need support now.
Time will heal you. I didn't believed that, but now I'm starting to fell a tiny bit of peace (after 9 months huh?) So keep calm and baby steps!

Take care

Ok so I am going to go to my version of Plan A and kill him with kindness...you know what I mean...but being emotional and pregnant probably will be a challenge...does this sound like a plan?

He is supposed to come over tonight to see the baby, any suggestions on how I should act? Should I leave and let him spend time alone with her, should I stay and just stay out of the way? Last night was rough..I yelled and screamed and begged and pleaded and cried but it has no effect on him (that's not fog talk that is the truth, he is very unsensitive and crying has never bothered him, not even with our DD) so no crying right?!@

sweet- Hang in there and go to Plan A. Also see if you can emotionally detach and start thinking about a life without him. The more you chase him, crying and begging, the more he will pull away. Try to start taking care of you, and being good to yourself. Right now you are getting no help from him. They all say the same thing, that they've never been happy. They rewrite the whole marriage to justify their behavior. You may need to join some kind of women's support group. I know it must be terrible to be going through this and being pregnant too. Be strong in trying to hold your family together. Hugs to you from California.

Hi again sweet1213

I wish I had payed more attention at the begining on the recomendation from vets here. maybe my stich would be different, maybe not, but it would have saved me a lot of pain. Ok now that I have said that, and knowing you have to live this yourself also...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ok so I am going to go to my version of Plan A and kill him with kindness...you know what I mean... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Honey that is not plan A. I also had that missconception of plan A = doormat, read below
Plan A is for the betrayed spouse t...angry outbursts, disrespect, and demands

and this

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Last night was rough..I yelled and screamed and begged and pleaded and cried but it has no effect on him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is the anti plan A!

See? you tryed to get some effect into your H, but you just LB'ed BIG TIME! Here is the thing. With that attitude, you are only giving your H more reasons to stay away.

Please understand that I'm not telling you this in the bad way, is just that I been there too, and the only effect it had in my H was to take him far away from me. As a matter of fact, the only time we were "good" on this was when I trully stuck at plan A. The real one!!! So maybe if you do, you can get your H back.

As I said before, you also need to build up your safety net, meaning looking for a job (you don't want to be on the spot where you don't have money to feed your kids believe me, if this goes there, MB is NOT going to be your problem, so first things first <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) and try to get as much the support you can from family and friends. You need them!

Take care