Ok for those of you that know about my situation I really am confused now??? Those that dont go here I put an update in the prev thread but H and I have been really reconnecting and the last 4 days all he can talk about or think about is sex. We do not live together but we chat online everynight. I have been kinda just blowing this off so to speak but tonight i knew it wasnt just a random thought on his part. Getting to the point I asked him if he would like to go have dinner and drinks with me on Friday. His reply was drinks could be dangerous inhibitions and alcohol could make things crazy. I said ok maybe just dinner then or we could go play pool or something. I asked if he could do anything what would he like to do? His answer was nothing like i thought it would be movies, bowling, mexican food, NOOOOOOOO he said take u to a hotel and not leave for a week. What is going on here you guys???!!! I was totally honest with him about this and told him that my body and heart are screaming yea yea yea go go go but my brain knows it will only complicate things even more. He knows this too. Are his hormones just getting the best of him? Hes also taking about moving in together again soon next few months is the longest I see it lasting with us living seperately if that long my heart say yes do it but my brain says wait a minute....
Is there a timeline, guideline or "rule" about SF after an A? This is so crazy 1st he runs from me now hes running to me. Please help need info I dont want to screw this up again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

When in doubt, don't...

Hi Rachelw

Is he working on redeeming the marriage? Do you still want the M? From your other post you wanted him to come to you, now he is. What you need to do is have a serious talk with him and explain what your feeling and why. He also needs to talk about what he wants. You both need to start communicating. Sometimes its just that simple. Tell him your fears, and worries and ask him his.
Time for you to talk, and to listen. Time for him to do the same.

<small>[ November 19, 2003, 03:12 AM: Message edited by: Silverthorn ]</small>

Okay men more than women take things in a primal competitive/possessive kind of way.

So since he feels like he lost you do his being less manly in many ways for his own pride he wants to reclaim become the alpha male so speak once again.

Yes part of it is hormonal.

Yes part of it is how men are wired. We use physical contact including sexual to get closer where women start with emotional contact to get closer.

But a large part of it maybe his need to re-establish himself as a man. And since men consider themselves more of a man when they are studs in the bedroom then this is probably what he is doing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is he working on redeeming the marriage? Do you still want the M? From your other post you wanted him to come to you, now he is. What you need to do is have a serious talk with him and explain what your feeling and why. He also needs to talk about what he wants. You both need to start communicating. Sometimes its just that simple. Tell him your fears, and worries and ask him his.
Time for you to talk, and to listen. Time for him to do the same.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We are both trying to rebuild our M and yes we both want it. The lines of communication are very open now thats how we got where we are now. We tell each other all of our feelings and wants and needs thats how this sex thing came up. No pun intended lol I understand the Alpha male thing and I know he has always been one to connect deeper physically rather than emotionally. I have been getting my EN met for me to feel comfortable with the fact that he wants sex. That is his big EN now. But we are scared to repeat the past and dont want to rush things. Is there a timeframe for this I know it sounds silly but last time we waited close to 3 months and I was really disapointed in it cause I was still in the fog and going through what I know now was the period of conflict. This time around I didnt go through the withdrawl or conflict that I know of. I do not miss OM at all! What I need to know is, is it all up to our judgement or are there things that I could look for to know if we are ready or not. He says he wants it but is scared. I want to but dont want him to regret it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rachelw81:

<strong>"What I need to know is, is it all up to our judgement or are there things that I could look for to know if we are ready or not. He says he wants it but is scared. I want to but dont want him to regret it."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why put pressure on yourselves? SF is NEVER enjoyable when there is any kind of pressure on one or both spouses. You ,as a woman, know that pressure is a love making mood killer. Just enjoy each others company and if SF happens then it happens.

Well as far as I know there is no time frame you are looking at. Your both scared of screwing things up. That I understand. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I think this is something you both want. I waited for my FWW(Poe) to make the first move. When she was ready. It was wonderful. I would suggest you go by how you feel. But, make it special, relaxing. When Poe initiated, I wasn't expecting it at all. We had gone to bed to sleep. She had other plans. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Trust me if you go to him and you initiate, he will not regret it, because he will know its something you want.