My wife and I have been having problems for a while. There is an A going on. I am not sure what level the A is, but the fact she moved out indicates she is comfortable enough to think she can move on.
She says she is unhappy in the marriage and in her life at the house. These are the reasons for moving out. I have contacted the OM and I plan to contact OM wife. I have also talked with all of our friends and they have told me they hate my wife for what she is doing to me and that she will no longer be welcome in the group.
My problem is that a Plan b is essentially in effect. I feel so bad for my wife. I am angry and hurt, but I know she is also hurting inside. She has already called me to ask how I was doing.
The main question I have is...Should I file papers for divorce. The purpose for that is to protect us both. I can only imagine that would be a major LB. I do not want to D, but I need to start looking out for me. What do I do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Luvherstill:

My problem is that a Plan b is essentially in effect. I feel so bad for my wife. I am angry and hurt, but I know she is also hurting inside. She has already called me to ask how I was doing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you truly in Plan B? Plan B means you give her a Plan B letter . Have you done that? If not and you are still communicating with her then your are NOT in Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The main question I have is...Should I file papers for divorce. The purpose for that is to protect us both. I can only imagine that would be a major LB. I do not want to D, but I need to start looking out for me. What do I do? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How is filing papers for divorce going to protect you both? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If you don't want divorce, do not file. You can find out how to protect yourself. See a lawyer. Your W sounds like she is deeply in the fog. Hang in there and start taking care of yourself. It is nice to worry about her feelings, but start thinking about yourself. Have you been in Plan A?

Have you done a solid Plan A? It sounds to me like she got involved in an affair because she wasn't getting her needs met at home. Have you tried to meet her needs or discussed changing careers so you can be together every night?

I have been doing everything I can to try to meet her needs at home for the past 3-4 months. There has been no recriprication on her part. We have even tried a counselor. She did not want to go any more because the counselor wanted to focus on her drinking. She works in the business and it requires her to be very social. I think the counselor was trying to tell her the her unhappiness was not necessarily me. She is totally unwilling to listen to everyone who is telling her she is crazy and she is making huge mistakes. She has a history of doing this to the people who care for her the most. She gets mad and shuts them out. She is blaming her unhappiness on me..so she wants to get rid of me.
Plan A would be completely impossible for her. She wants to move to seperation. She is talking the D word. It is always all or nothing with her.
I also know that as long as the OM is around she will never see what she has at home.
The paperwork protects us in that there is a date on file that we seperated. If she gets a DUI or gets into an accident. I will have no responsibility. She is also spending darn near all of her money on a place to live. This is her choice not mine. Why should I get penalized if she does move forward with the D.