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» Hello, Miss Lady [ log out ] Marriage Builders Discussion Forums » Infidelity » In recovery » Now What?
Author Topic: Now What?
Miss Lady
Junior Member
Member # 31532
posted November 19, 2003 05:49 PM
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I started posting here back in April during what was a particularly horrendous time in my marriage. H and I just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary--a real milestone considering the hell the marriage has been through this year. D Day was in February 2003, and then a couple of more between March and April. Then on top of all that, H (a lawyer) was arrested and charged with passing bad checks! H served approx. 70+ days and came home May 31. I started IC in April to process H's incarceration and multiple A's. On top of all THAT, OW made harrassing phone calls to my job and even stalked me at home!
We have been in recovery since H came home. Had 2 MC sessions in August and September.
During time, both of us worked hard on recovery and I read Surviving An Affair from cover to cover for insight. There have been several bumps along the way. I had been Plan-A'ing my little hiney off and H responded favorably. He got better about accounting for time, setting boundaries, and trying to rebuild trust. For my part, it's been hard to let go of resentment, which simmers still from time to time. LB'ng is still an issue. Something else that happened which I thought wouldn't happen for a while--we resumed enjoyable sexual relationship. A few months ago, I didn't think it was possible for me to even have the desire. We even did more things together recreationally and have been doing whatever we can to meet each other's emotional needs. However, we did screw up sometimes.
In addition to resentment, I hate that I still have moments when I don't feel I can trust him. I hate having to look through his pockets and playing robo-cop. H understands but is resentful sometimes. He has been good about showing me emails he still receives from OW in Ohio.
Now, H has been arrested on outstanding warrant from over a year ago. So, after everything we've been doing to recover and our optimism, etc., this had to happen! The nightmare has began all over again for me. Right now, I'm numb.
Oh, and the kicker--someone purporting to be OW contacted my job this afternoon only to hang up immediately when receptionist placed her in my voicemail at my request. See what I mean by the nightmare beginning all over again?
So, now what? I want to be there and supportive for H. But, I'm tired of this! I spoke to my IC yesterday and again this afternoon and have session with her tomorrow.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should address this latest crisis?
