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There are 31,000 people registered on this board. That's a huge number. Obviously they're all self-referring (which means they showed up here for a reason), but it's still an interesting group. So I'd like to take a poll to see whether MB really does work, and if so, how well. If you've been married more than once, please answer the questions for the marriage you were in when you first came to MB.
Obviously the results will be biased based on the skewed population who answers the poll. Nonetheless, I bet we'll learn something interesting. So....... Please take the poll! (I'd like to get at least a thousand people to respond! Is that crazy?)
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I've never been in plan A or B but I was still forced to choose an answer for questions 14 & 16.
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JustJ,
Please add a 'not applicable' option to questions 14 and 16. I can't save my responses because I can't answer these.
Thanks,
AnnieK
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Unfortunately, I can't edit the poll after it's been posted. If you've never been in Plans A or B, please choose "end of the behavior" option. *sigh* I knew I'd miss something!
(Edited to correct my response, since I was thinking of the wrong questions.)
<small>[ November 25, 2003, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Just J ]</small>
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Suggestion - Question 12 (Have the concepts improved your marriage?) doesn't give a choice for those who found and/or implemented MB after separation/divorce...so I had to answer "not at all" even though technically that isn't true. Since this question seems to be the crux of what your poll is for (finding out if MB works) it seems this question may be skewed by those who had to answer as I did... Great poll idea, just needs some fine tuning <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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We would need a control group that did not use MB methods for comparison.
It is interresting though.
I think I figured one thing out.
Bear.
SS
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I played. Hope lots will participate.
Could be interesting. I will, however, point out something else: many for whom the MB practices have worked have moved on and are absent form this forum, so your results will be skewed from that standpoint.
*S*
<small>[ November 25, 2003, 06:37 PM: Message edited by: *Sparkle* ]</small>
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I can't vote because I have not used the MB strategy long enough to judge it fairly. I hope that somebody will post the Poll results once in a while.
Thanks,
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I did Plan A in total ignorance of MB Plan A or the EA, but it worked. EA was not exposed for 18 months and there was an immediate NC.
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Sparkle, I don't know. How many of the 31,000 registered moved on because their marriages improved? and how many moved on because MB was no hope whatsoever? And then there's the group who just couldn't do Plan A to save their lives. They leave pretty quickly.
So, I'm not sure I buy the party line about those who have been helped moving on. We just don't know. Maybe this poll will help a little bit. I enjoyed it.
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Bump! (Bear. Hm. Yes, close.)
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And another bump, which will have to last until I get back on Friday night.
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Baer?
Please have a very good thaksgiving - I would be pleased if you would.
Should I leave it alone?
SS
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greengables, You are absolutely correct: not only should we consider those who have moved on because they are in recovery, but those who may have failed, for whaever reason. I agree. However, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm not sure I buy the party line about those who have been helped moving on. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The "party line" thing, IMHO, might be a bit harsh. After all, aren't we all here because we have HOPE, not because we are necessarily buying into the "party line." We have to believe. *S*
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Just J
Regardless of the results, the quesion as to whether MB works is not going to be answered by a poll because there are so many factors to consider.
If you asked this question every month, you would likely get a different answer each month.
If you believe that the principles will work and you apply them appropriately,regardless of the outcome, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you gave your all to restore the relationship.
No one can ask more of you.
Beau
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You can't quantify the people who won't answer, or who aren't here.
Obviously 5 years on MB is anecdotal, but,
I've seen so many move on quickly because:
a) crisis is not real
b) crisis was averted
c) one bad decison by WS, remorseful, not repeated
d) multiple bad decisons by WS, remorseful when caught
e) no more posting on MB is a POJA of reconicliation
f) BS token effort had own OP in sight
g) BS wanted out
h) BS feeling no option, divorce filed
i) WS feeling no option, divorce filed
h) no more posting because it interferes with recovery
And that just the options I can think of without a lot of reflection. I'm sure more could be added.
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I think those are all valid, Lor, but at the same time, it doesn't necessarly make the poll useless. In all those cases where people move on quickly, they do so without applying the MB principles. What happens to those marriages happens without the principles being applied. What I want to know is what good applying the principles is. I do wish we could find a control group, but since I'm not actually a researcher, I'm probably not going to go to those lengths! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> In all those cases where people move on quickly, they do so without applying the MB principles. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not necessarily. Remember, this is a merely message board...nothing more. Those people who "moved on quickly" may still be using the principles. They may have the books, they may be counseling with one of the Harleys, they may be reading all the info on the MB site. Just because they are not posting on the board doesn't mean they are not using the concepts.
*S*
<small>[ November 29, 2003, 07:59 AM: Message edited by: *Sparkle* ]</small>
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You're absolutely right, *S*. And then there are all the lurkers who read and read and read and never post, and yet use the concepts (or don't) in their own marriages.
Like I said, there's a lot wrong with this poll. Still, it tells me more than I knew before I posted it, so I think it's worthwhile.
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Yes, and it's fun. Never forget the entertainmemt value ! I can't believe I said that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I mean, it has been very interresting to see this thread unfold. Thank you so very much for the thoughts. Wow, sometimes I come close to slipping up. Need to be more careful. SS
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