My husband is now getting ready to leave on his 3 month job in another state and will be leaving in two days.

What I would like to know is if I should say anything in particular or write a note about how I feel when he leaves.I have to drive him to the airport so we will be alone together for an hour on the way there.

My husband and I have been going to a MC and that was going well up until this past weekend when he said that he wanted to separate which our counselor agreed to because he can see how confused my husband is.He is a really good counselor and so I agreed to it as well.I had to stop trying too much and "let him go".It was a surprise to say the least because our families and I all thought that we were doing ok after having spent a week together reading,doing the MB workbooks,etc. I don't know if he felt it would just be best since he has to go to this job.(H is trying to get work near us and so far it looks good,we'll see).

The job timing,as well as the A and the holidays has made it unbearable to the extreme for me. I feel like one huge open wound allover.I have never known such pain,childbirth was a cakewalk compared to this.We need to spend so much time together but this job is a big wall in any recovery right now.

Anyway,I don't think the OW is in the picture really because she is in another country now and he erased all her contact info on his cellphone,but I know they could still be in touch if they wanted.His father told me that he gave him his word,in private,that the OW was not in the picture anymore so I hope that is true and not the cause of continued "fog".

I have been trying Plan A without much response and so I have now begun to try and show H that I am a strong person and am going about my business even though we are still in the same house this past week so far(VERY awkward!).

H will be off of work for two weeks for Chrstmastime so it isn't decided yet if he will go to his parents house or stay here. I said it might be better if he went to the parents home unless he wanted to be with me and part of our family when that time came,which would be in about 3 weeks.

Any ideas?? I haven't read too much about people who are separated here so that's why I am asking.My husband looks so awful and is having trouble sleeping not to mention talking to "friends" that I don't think are being particularly helpful but I can't really change that.I so want to work on my marriage even though I am the BS but I can't seem to get a decent chance. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Any help would be appreciated. And,does anyone have a suit of armor?? I could really use it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

October

Octobergirl - Sounds like your H is still deep in the fog. He may be going through withdrawal. Stay in Plan A and keep working on yourself. It might be nice for him to be gone for awhile. Both of you can get some perspective on this. On the way to the airport I would not talk about your relationship, since he is in the mood he is. Just pass the time pleasantly. Good luck and hang in there.

Hi,

U have better reason t/b in plan A. Read up on it and learn to execute it well. Right now don't try to fix him or teach him anything. He needs to miss you and the children. He needs to miss his real life.

Prepare yourself for him to do somethings that may upset you. That way if it happens you won't fall apart but you don't have to wonder what to do.

Read the concept section above and the book his needs/her needs again. Keep reading and posting. Encourage the children to keep in contact with their dad and keep your contact on a friendly and light tone.

L.

Thanks for the responses.

We actually just talked in depth this morning and have agreed to a mutual "friendship" right now. We are going to "start over" in our relationship I think.It really has relieved the pressure of trying to make things work.I realized I have lost the feeling of being"in love" for him like he has for me and we are going to try dating again at some point and so on but at least for the holidays,we can be more comfortable about being around eachother.

I know husband is still in deep fog bank(he agrees) but I'm just glad we don't have the expectation anymore of trying to make something happen right away.He is well aware also though that I don't want to just coexist as friends forever without trying to get a "romantic" love back at some point,he agreed too.So,one day at a time.

Thanks again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />