I'm sure that a good majority of the letters you read begin this way, but I'll do my best to make it short and simple...My husband has been having an affair that originally developed partly because of my failure to meet his emotional needs. I found out about it last June, and since then, I have done everything in my power to make up for my past mistakes and save my marriage. He agrees and admits that I have bent over backwards in this endeavor. He also admits his own guilt and doesn't want to jeopardize our marriage any more than he already has, but unfortunately, he fell in love with her and still is. Consequently, he has not ended the affair and he has been telling many lies. For the most part, he is a very sincere man, with a very big heart. But he also is very weak when it comes to being truthful when the truth can hurt the ones he loves. He's in a big dilemma because he is in love with two women and lacks the strength to do the right thing by making a choice. I have tried very hard to be patient and avoid emotional outbursts because I love him enough to let him go if that is what it would take for him to be happy. I know that I may seem foolish to some for being so unselfish and for sacrificing my own dignity for someone who has betrayed me, (Believe me, sometimes I DO feel like a complete IDIOT), but what others think doesn't matter as much to me as he does.

So, now that I've given you a little bit of background information about our situation, I'll get to the point.......

He has been reading a lot of the information that I have printed up from this web site, in regards to infidelity, (which, by the way, has been enormously helpful and comforting to me), but I've been trying to find something in the discussion forum that might relate more to the problems and feelings that he, the WH, is trying to come to terms with. He is very unhappy with himself and regretful for the pain that he is causing for everyone involved, but the longer this goes on, the more we all suffer and the closer I become to losing my patience. Are there any particular discussions or articles that any of you would recommend to him? Thanks!

D D P

P.S. I'm still working on MY story, but it'll be posted soon.

So sorry for what you are going through.
It sounds like you have done a great job with plan A, but maybe you have went as far as you can with this and perhaps it is time to think about plan B.

I only suggest this based on your own comments, about losing patience, feeling it may be time to let go.

Obviously this can not go on forever this way.

Some good signs, he notices the changes in you, and is willing to do the reading. Have you tried MC? If possible Dr. Harley or his staff would be best.

He is in the A fog. I think most WS think they are "in love" during the A. You can not put much in anything he says right now. How long has the A been going on?

Good luck to you others will post with some good sugestions for books for him to read, I am sure.

According to WH, it started as a ONS about a year ago - he had been down at the bar for most of the day, and when I finally got him on the phone, I could tell that he had been drinking way too much. I got mad because it had been happening too often, so I told him not to come home. So, he ended up going home with a woman that he had met about a year prior to that. Apparently, she had stuck in his mind ever since, but that night when I told him not to come home, he gave in to temptation. I'm sure that the alchohol contributed to his weakness to resist. After that night, they would run into each other once in awhile, but he tried to avoid as much as possible. I think the A started up last May. I found out about a month later. Thanks for your supportive reply.

You can try the following threads: I’m sure it will give your H a better understanding of the fog, romantic love, feelings of love and real love. Hope it will be of some help!

The difference between the Fog and Love

Real/true love, ego boundaries, romantic love and feelings of love (also dependency)

D D P,

Print this and give it to him.

-rh-

That letter from Trueheart was the most amazing letter I have ever read!! It said everything it needed to say to the WS.

I don't know if I will ever be able to give a copy of this letter to my WH, but I'm going to pray about it and hope there will be an opportunity for him to be able to read this. I just don't see how a WS would even be willing to read something when they are surrounded by their own anger, hostility, bitterness and fog.

And even though we are heading right for a D, a part of me wants my family together again. It truly would be a miracle to see my family restored.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ljkm3:
<strong>It truly would be a miracle to see my family restored. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask you shall receive ... miracles do happen for the purpose of glorifying HIS name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

-rh-

REDHAT:
Thanks, I already printed it up before I read your message. I'm just anxiously waiting for him to get home and read it!