Things went VERY well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

H is at the end of his emotional rope. His chest pains were so bad last night that he called in sick to work, which he never does. He also told me that the OW told him that she won't put up with this situation much longer, either.

We talked a LOT about our marriage and what went wrong. It was a difficult conversation, but overall a good one.

He asked me to go see Santa, but I didn't, and it definitely upset him. They ended up not going - he was in NO shape to drive, not with kids in the car.

I went out for coffee and when I came back, H was sitting on the couch curled into a ball, chin on his chest and staring off into nothing. He told me that he'd read my questionnaire and had no idea that it was "so bad". He said he didn't think it was possible, but he felt like an even bigger loser than he did before. I pointed out that that is the point of those questionnaires; to discover what we each really need, and how to supply those needs. I pointed out that I would probably be feeling pretty low if/when he decides to fill out his questionnaires. I think he will - he'd already put them in the car to take back with him.

After that, things went very well between us. I felt closer to him than I have in a long time.

I'm sure this part of this horrible adventure will all be over soon, one way or another.

Keep your fingers crossed for me - except when you're typing, of course. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hi there,

well,I'm glad that you are feeling good about what transpired but just be wary.We BS can read too much into any little tidbits tossed our way but I hope maybe WS will at least still do some thinking.But remember too,he still hasn't given up the OW so stay strong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

October

ineedof..

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

glad things went well...

protect your heart and move slowly..but it sounds good...

ark

Ineed;

Please put a plan together! If you are in plan A, then no more angry outbursts and trying to educate your WH.

Plan A is to work on your deficiancies. Fix the things that need fixing so that you are able to meet WH's needs better than OW. Its a strategy to separate WH and OW. So the affair needs to be exposed to the world so that pressure is put on their relationship. IMHO it doesn't sound like that relationship could bear much pressure, it sounds like its ready to crumble!

When it does -- there you are -- looking like the better choice.

If you can't do a successful Plan A by keeping out the LB's, then its time to go to Plan B. And that is to protect YOU from the pain of this ongoing affair in your face. It also requires the OW to take on ALL of the needs that you met.

Takola had a great analogy post about baking a cake. About how he followed none of the directions, just improvised here and there and it turned out to be a disaster, and then was frustrated about it not turning out the way he wanted.

Thats what MB is all about. You need to follow the directions!!

Go back and read about Plan A. If you're in Plan A, do it ALL THE WAY, but not forever!

Don't fear Plan B. Its the most powerful part of the Plans!!

And all along the way, focus on yourself.

HUGS

I just had a really scary thought, and wanted to share it with you all and get your opinion. I am thinking about sending this email to my WH, who is still living with OW. There is no other background needed, the email says it all.

"WH,

I will try to make this as short as possible, although you know me...

When I think about you and how you deal with things, your personality, what you are doing and what you are going through, I really think that you want to come home. I think you want to come home but are paralyzed with fear: what if it doesn't work? Then you'd be alone and you are terrified of this. (Again, I am not saying this is fact, I am saying that this is what I think you are thinking and feeling.)

Therefore, you do nothing. Why not? It's so easy to stay where you are.

It occured to me today though, that if OW left you and then you came home, that I could never be sure that that is what you really wanted; that you weren't just going along with the only option left open to you. That has been your MO in the past: "if I put off making a decision for long enough, it will make itself."

I cannot live like that. The boys and I are not the booby prize in this; you either want us or you don't.

I don't know what else to say. I was just picturing this scenario in my head today, and it had me shaking with fear.

Something to think about.

~ me"


Would sending this be a well-thought out wakeup call, or is it a huge LB that I am just not seeing?

WH canceled our plans for today due to weather, I've been very upset all day, I can't trust my thoughts right now.

btw... Lexxxy, thank you for the reminder of what exactly Plan A is supposed to be about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I will reread your post as needed!

I am still in overdrive... my poor kids have been home all day, and I've been so distracted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

In my current state, I just want to take the kids and run. Head to my parents' across country. We're going there on the 23rd anyway; maybe we'll stay there. There's no court order yet saying that I can't do that without notifying H first.

(BTW, the court date has been moved to February, and I have asked my lawyer about how to drop the petitions.)

It's a beautiful snowy day in my beautiful house that we had built last year... moved in on 12/20/02, our "dream home" we were going to stay in til we were empty nesters... and now all I want to do is get out. Putting up Christmas decorations is killing me.

Hi Fog,

I hate to say I told you so but what did you expect from this man??? He gives you a glimmer of "hope" by talking smoothly one day to you but cannot commit to plans of any sort,still.

PLAN B for pete's sake. Forget the letter you drafted and write a new one that has Plan B all over it.Don't tell him how you think he's thinking,don't tell him you are shaking with fear,etc.etc. Not good ideas.Do not depend on him right now,it only sets you up for failure and disappointment.

Breathe.....inhale,exhale.Look at your kids and reming yourself what little angels they are.Go outside and listen to the peacful stillness of snow falling.It always has helped me.Be in the moment.regroup and hang in there until Dec.23.

I'm sorry you sound frazzled.((Hugs)) to you.

October <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks, October. My bad day just turned into a worse evening and terrible night. LBs everywhere. It's 2:30am, and here I am.

One thing I wanted to say before I outline my current plan of action... if there is one thing my husband isn't, it's "smooth", heheh. I have a ton of people telling me that he's "using" me, but that implies deliberateness, forethought, and strength/confidence that he just doesn't have. I truly feel that he is a lost, lost soul.

Having said all of that... that's no reason to put up with this any longer. It's clear that I cannot handle it, and it is also clear (according to some things that I found out tonight) that I am still being lied to.

So... Plan B begins tomorrow. And I don't plan on waiting until the 23rd to get on a plane... I've already called the airline to see what it would take to fly out on standby early this coming week.

My biggest question now is (and I get the feeling this is a no-brainer that's going to get me another whack with a 2x4, LOL!) whether or not to tell the OW that she's been lied to as well, specifically about the physical contact between my husband and I. I know I should, but this is the scariest thing I will have had to do - above calling the police, above telling H when he can and cannot see his children. And I know why... because it's betraying his confidence.

I know, I know, he's committed the ultimate betrayal... and the truth is never a betrayal... but I feel as if I have been trying to set a moral standard here. Speaking the truth is a moral standard to be proud of but... grrr, I just can't shake this feeling that it will smack of sour grapes and serve only to make me look bad.

Did that make sense?

Anyway... H is due to come over here tomorrow, and he knows that I want to talk, so... tomorrow's the day. I think I will head back to the main MB site and review the Plan B stuff, to shore up my fortitude.

Thank you for reading, I hope things are going well for you all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok,here's a few thoughts.

First,why is WH coming over? Unless it's some type of emergency,I would say keep him away.There's no point,even if he were only picking up his belongings,he shouldn't be able to see you or the kids.I wouldn't talk to him either,enough has been said already.

Second,good for you trying to get on a plane sooner.Why wait?

Third,I don't know what transpired last night but I don't think the OW deserves the benefit of a "heads up" about you and your WH being intimate or whatever.She is fully capable of dealing with all the crap now and apears to want to(go figure),let her continue to reap the "rewards" of his sorry excuse for a relationship.Ugh.

Leave the mess in a dignified way with integrity.With your children, without any more fanfair.Let the attorneys or whomever speak *for you.

Just my thoughts if I were in your shoes.

Take care of yourself.Keep us posted.You are spared the 2x4...for now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

October

Hi Fog,

I just finished reading this thread.

Listen to October...she's right. No reason to have your WH come over.

You NEED to go to Plan B...now! Send him the letter, and send a copy to the OW as well. Her copy should include a P.S.: I love my husband with all my heart and will do whatever is necessary to save our marriage.

What this accomplishes: lets her know you are still in the picture, aren't giving up, and love your H. Because you never know what kind of lies he has told her. Yes, it's hard, but you need to do it, Sometimes it serves to rock their little world to have the BS surface. Don't say anything else to her, just get her the copy of the letter.

Then go see your folks! You will feel so much better!

Hugs,

*S*

Thank you October and Sparkle. I haven't been this upset since this first happened, and it's so nice to have a sounding board (other than the OW's husband, whom I still talk to all the time).

My husband is coming over today because he already had plans with the kids. I called him last night and asked him to come here and talk to me - unfortunately, it was right as he was walking in to work, and he refused to leave to come talk. He said he was going to be here in the afternoon today anyway, so we'd talk then - I said earlier would be better, and he said ok, I will work that out with the car, and call you in the morning.

As it stands now, he hasn't called (his cell phone has been off all morning, kids can't reach him). The OW's husband just called to let me know that my husband is dropping his wife off at work right now, so I expect he will be here in about an hour, with or without a phone call first. Not that any of that is relevant...

I wrote my Plan B letter this morning, complete with the P.S. to OW.

My plan today is probably something you all won't like, but let me preface by saying the Plan B letters will be delivered tomorrow. By me, in person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I will talk to husband today - about yesterday, about how I cannot do this anymore, and that I am ready to leave the situation. What exactly is said will depend greatly upon what he says, but the purpose behind all of this is to have his last interaction with me - before the PBL - a positive one. I think that's key.

So, he can play with the boys while I clean up this house (both were vomiting all over the place early this morning, ugh), then the boys will head to Grandma's so we can talk.

<deep breath> You know I will be back later to let you know how it went... whether it worked, or whether I am ready for >>>INCOMING 2x4!<<<

OK...we are waiting.

Have you considered posting your PBL here? Many BS make tactical errors in the writing.

We would be glad to review it for you, and get some of the experts to do so as well.

Now, I really think in-person delivery is a HUGE mistake.

*S*

INeedAFoghorn and everyone else,

that has posted replies to INAFH. I just read this whole thread and it is fairly similar to my situation. I would like to ask those of you who responded to this thread what Plan you feel I should be in at the moment and if and when I should start it, b/4 or after holidays?

Instead of butting in on INeedAFogHorn's thread, if you could, A detailed scoop of my situation can be found in my 2 threads titled, "Meeting WH in 2 days to discuss effects of sep on kids..." and "Blondblossom, DazedBlonde, Faith1960..please come here"

I believe all the info you need on my sitch is in those 2 threads, and I am just as lost or confused and fearful as INeedAFogHorn is and am looking for additional advice. Right now, I feel like I am in a combination of both Plan A and B but seem to be trying Plan A from a distance. Any suggestions out there?

As for you INAFH, I feel for you deeply. You have experienced so many of the same tactics and letdowns that I have. I am just emotionally tired of fighting for us. Do you also feel like you are short-changing your kids a bit cuz you are concentrating your energy on fighting for your M? That is where I am at right now. My kids want and need me, but I just cannot seem to be motivated to being the mother they deserve right now. How can I get myself to snap out of the funk and gear up to being a great mom?

I am also thinking of seriously taking Ark's advice to you on creating the illusion of getting on with my life. I really hope your plan works for you. I will be checking in on the update. Good luck.

FF

Hi FF, welcome. Yes, I do feel like my kids are getting short changed. I was actually thankful for all of the snow we got - at least they were distracted and busy. This is one big reason why I have decided to head to my parents' house a few weeks early... not only for my own head, but for my kids' sake.

Last night was interesting. The first thing my husband did was apologize for the night before, which surprised me a bit, and was definitely nice to hear. Then we talked more, and I pointed out that I had discovered a lie - essentially an unimportant one in content, but the fact that he still automatically lies to me is very telling; the reasons do not matter. And I told him that outbursts like what occurred the night before were unhealthy and would do us no good.

At this point, he told me that he was considering "going away" somewhere out of reach and isolated, with no contact with me. (Yes, the kids, but not with me.) He hadn't made any definite plans yet, but he'd spoken to his boss about the possibility, and had mentioned it to the OW. I was thrilled to hear this! Wahoo, is the fog lifting even more??

I took this opportunity to tell him that I was prepared to do the same thing. To "go dark" as I had told him I would as soon as I was uncomfortable with the Plan A situation we were in.

He was stunned. Literally.

He shut down at this point. Appetite gone, we boxed up the appetizers we'd ordered (we'd gone to talk over coffee), and drove home in silence. He barely spoke after that, barely looked at me, and I know that his chest was raging. The only thing he'd said was that his thought of running off by himself was more a random thought than anything - did I really think he'd have the guts to actually do it? And yet there I was, obviously fully prepared to take his kids away, and coming off cold in the process. (This wasn't said in an insulting manner, actually.)

This hasn't loosened my resolve, don't worry. I KNOW this is the right thing to do.

So... he left shortly after that. The last thing we said to each other was clarification that I had said I was READY to "go dark" emotionally; I was not yet doing so because I had logistical things to work out yet.

I went to bed very early, and all night long I dreamed that my husband had died. It was awful. I kept waking up sobbing, but every time I went back to sleep, he was still dead. When my dream self had the horrible revelation that I had to plan a funeral, then went looking for my grandma to help me (and she really is dead!) but couldn't find her... I got up and stayed up because I couldn't stand it anymore.

I called my husband to make sure he was okay. He is, but he sounds terrible. He said he'd tried to call in sick, but there was no one to cover for him. He has taken two nights off however, and plans to see a doctor on Monday - finally! I really really hope the doctor prescribes ADs, but I don't know if my husband will take them even if he does.

H sounded angry - I asked him if that was the case, and he said no, he was just working quickly to try and get out of there.

So that's where we are.

I can't send a PBL until I have a housesitter worked out; that's the glitch in my plan at this point. I guess I have two questions:

1) Would it be a mistake to tell H he could try to get some alone time in our home while the boys and I are gone? I will definitely give him the car to use, but my biggest fear is that OW will show up in my home when I am not there. Short of installing cameras in my home, I could never be sure, you know? On the other hand, it's the only way I can see my husband ever being truly alone. And it solves my housesitter problem. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

2) Why would it be a "huge mistake" to deliver the PBLs in person?

Thank you so much, everyone, for reading through all of this, and offering your opinions and advice. <HUG> I will post the current version of my PBL letter in the following post. (This is long enough already, don't you think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Dear WH,

Writing this letter is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but it is written with all of my love for you. Please read it through with an open heart.

I know that I did some things that made you feel unloved. In reality this was never ever the case, but I do understand that my actions may have made you feel this way, and for that I apologize. I am sure that this created an opening in our marriage that allowed room for a third party; an opening that should never have been there. I want to address these issues and stay married; I want to be the wife you deserve.

I cannot, however, suffer any longer the pain of your affair with OW. The pain is killing me, and draining my love for you. In order to preserve those feelings, I must end all contact with you.

I can’t change you or control you, and I will no longer try. I can only change and control myself, and that is what I have to do now. I am fixable, you are fixable, our marriage is fixable, but as long as you have a relationship with OW all three things are stuck. Having no contact with you will free us all to do the things we need to do to become whole people once again.

The boys and I will be flying to X on Tuesday. When you want to talk to the boys, you can reach them at xx, or write to them at xx. At this time, we still plan to return on January 3rd. After that, we will return to Wednesday visits at 4pm and Saturday visits at 2pm. If an emergency arises or this schedule needs adjusting, you can contact me via email.

The December mortgage has been paid, and I am including all other current bills, along with a key to the front door and a key to the van. X will be staying in our home while the boys and I are out of town to keep an eye on things. When we return, I would like you to continue handling the finances, including putting the house up for sale. I will not withdraw any money from the joint account while we are gone.

Financial issues regarding support and custody will be decided through mediation, as already planned.

I love you WH. You are a good man, the father of my children, and my husband. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than anything while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused and hope that in time you will forgive me too. The gains we have made in intimacy and communication just in the past few weeks are evidence to me that we have a strong base upon which to build. I just cannot be with you or see you while you are still in love with another and feel the need to have a separate life without me.

When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery - including counseling of some kind - I will be ready and willing to discuss our future. Until that time, I ask that you respect my wishes for no contact between us. I want you to know that no matter how horrible we’ve felt and no matter what we have said to each other, we can get through it. It will not be easy, but I know that we both have what it takes, and the reward will be a lifetime of fulfillment.

I loved you when we married, and I love you to this day. I just can no longer see you or spend time with you or help you as long as you are still seeing OW.

With all of my love,
~ me


P.S. for OW:
WH is a good man, the father of my children, and my husband. I am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild my marriage, and will wait for him to give me that chance.
~ me

<small>[ December 07, 2003, 05:24 AM: Message edited by: INeedAFoghorn ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Writing this letter is one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but it is written with all of my love for you. Please read it through with an open heart.

I know that I did some things that made you feel unloved. In reality this was never ever the case, but I do understand that my actions may have made you feel this way, and for that I apologize. I am sure that this created an opening in our marriage that allowed room for a third party; an opening that should never have been there. I want to address these issues and stay married; I want to be the wife you deserve. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Great - wouldn't change a thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I cannot, however, suffer any longer the pain of your affair with OW. The pain is killing me, and draining my love for you. In order to preserve those feelings, I must end all contact with you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Consider: I must end all contact with you until you have ended the affair. At that time, you may get in touch with me regarding the rebuilding of our marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can’t change you or control you, and I will no longer try. I can only change and control myself, and that is what I have to do now. I am fixable, you are fixable, our marriage is fixable, but as long as you have a relationship with OW all three things are stuck. Having no contact with you will free us all to do the things we need to do to become whole people once again. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You might want to leave this out...sounds a bit judgemental and like you are trying to educate him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The boys and I will be flying to X on Tuesday. When you want to talk to the boys, you can reach them at xx, or write to them at xx. At this time, we still plan to return on January 3rd. After that, we will return to Wednesday visits at 4pm and Saturday visits at 2pm. If an emergency arises or this schedule needs adjusting, you can contact me via email. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have a third party that can be the point of contact so he doesn't have to email you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The December mortgage has been paid, and I am including all other current bills, along with a key to the front door and a key to the van. X will be staying in our home while the boys and I are out of town to keep an eye on things. When we return, I would like you to continue handling the finances, including putting the house up for sale. I will not withdraw any money from the joint account while we are gone. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why are you giving him a key? I wouldn't want him to be able to have access 24/7.

Also, is there a reason for selling the house? Have the two of you already discussed this?

Financial issues regarding support and custody will be decided through mediation, as already planned.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I love you WH. You are a good man, the father of my children, and my husband. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than anything while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad. I forgive whatever pain you have caused and hope that in time you will forgive me too. The gains we have made in intimacy and communication just in the past few weeks are evidence to me that we have a strong base upon which to build. I just cannot be with you or see you while you are still in love with another and feel the need to have a separate life without me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good, except I would NEVER refer to the A as "in love with another," even though the fog-bound WS says this. Call it an affair.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When you find yourself ready and willing to truly and fully commit to our family, willing to work on a plan for our recovery - including counseling of some kind - I will be ready and willing to discuss our future. Until that time, I ask that you respect my wishes for no contact between us. I want you to know that no matter how horrible we’ve felt and no matter what we have said to each other, we can get through it. It will not be easy, but I know that we both have what it takes, and the reward will be a lifetime of fulfillment.

I loved you when we married, and I love you to this day. I just can no longer see you or spend time with you or help you as long as you are still seeing OW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good! I wouldn't, at this point, talk about counseling. Wait to bring that up when he is ready to come home. It can be one of your conditions for recovery.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">P.S. for OW:
WH is a good man, the father of my children, and my husband. I am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild my marriage, and will wait for him to give me that chance. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't forget to tell her: I love him and will do whatever it takes to save my marriage.

Good job. I wish you all the best. Plan B works, but requires a lot of strength. I am glad you are going to see your folks. It will make the early stages easier.

*S*

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 1) Would it be a mistake to tell H he could try to get some alone time in our home while the boys and I are gone? I will definitely give him the car to use, but my biggest fear is that OW will show up in my home when I am not there. Short of installing cameras in my home, I could never be sure, you know? On the other hand, it's the only way I can see my husband ever being truly alone. And it solves my housesitter problem. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In Plan B, the WS should be removed from the comforts of your M, including access to your home, Just by being there, he can get a family "fix," even if you and the boys are gone. He can see their toys, their clothes, sit in your chair, etc. Don't let him have those moments of comfort.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> 2) Why would it be a "huge mistake" to deliver the PBLs in person?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You run the risk of them drawing you into an emotional confrontation and possibly saying things you will regret. Remember, the Plan B letter is a love letter. It tells your H you love him and want your M to survive. That is the last impression you want to leave. Not a confrontation with him, and certainly not with the OW.

*S*

Hi foghorn,

I agree with what sparkle said in regards to the letter.The only thing I would like to add is: stop preparing for going dark.Go dark already,Plan B right now.Don't deliver PBL in person.If there is any little speck of him coming out of the fog right now,keep doing the NC as much as you can.And don't let him stay at the home.Let him miss that.

Did you get an earlier flight? Hope so.


October

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Consider: I must end all contact with you until you have ended the affair. At that time, you may get in touch with me regarding the rebuilding of our marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Done. Also added the phrase "if that is what you choose to do" so it doesn't sound so presumptuous.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you have a third party that can be the point of contact so he doesn't have to email you? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Unfortunately, no. The only person we really know in this town is my mother, and she won't have anything to do with him anymore. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Also, is there a reason for selling the house? Have the two of you already discussed this? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, we've discussed it. We were stretching the limits financially already, and this affair is the straw that broke our financial back. We have good equity in our home; selling it is the only thing we can do to save our financial necks.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good, except I would NEVER refer to the A as "in love with another," even though the fog-bound WS says this. Call it an affair. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, I had the same reaction!! I saw the bulk of this paragraph in someone else's sample PBL and used most of it. I squirmed when I saw the "in love with another": you've confirmed for me that it should be taken out, thank you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good! I wouldn't, at this point, talk about counseling. Wait to bring that up when he is ready to come home. It can be one of your conditions for recovery. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Aren't we supposed to clearly state our conditions in the PBL?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't forget to tell her: I love him and will do whatever it takes to save my marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good job. I wish you all the best. Plan B works, but requires a lot of strength. I am glad you are going to see your folks. It will make the early stages easier.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I just have to get the house-sitting thing worked out. As I said, my mom is the only person we really know in this town, and she can't do it for various reasons. We're too far away from anyone else we know to make it very convenient. But... I will figure something out!

Time to go get some things done for our trip; will keep you posted!

(Grrr... for some reason, I can no longer see the thread I am responding to while I am responding to it, so I can't refer to previous posts. Has this happened to anyone else?)

Anyway... hi, October. I haven't gotten an earlier flight, per se. The thing is, we will HAVE to fly standby to avoid paying the fees involved in changing a reservation, which would total roughly $2400 for all three of us! By going standby, the most I will pay is $300. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I have to call the airline tonight again and see if the flights are still as open as they were when I called on Friday.

And you're right, I do think there is a chance that he will come out of the fog now. I guess I have been leaning toward not going into Plan B fully until we're gone... maybe have WH take us to the airport for full emotional impact?

I do hear what you're saying, though. A lot of this depends upon the logistics of a house/pet sitter. I'm still working on that... hmmm... I have a few ideas, will keep you all posted on what transpires.

Thank you so much... you and Sparkle are helping me keep a clear head in all of this.

<hug>