Just caught up on some posts here after beign away this weekend.

If Idont hear from you, thanks for all your kind words.

I hope you can work though all the issues you have to to make your own life more rewarding.

Im not suggesting you tell your H about the A, that is your choice and not for me to say, but I do want you to know that a once "blah" yet loving marriage has bnow turned into an extremely caring and sweet and beautiful one since I told my H. I dont think his TRUE love and his genuine concern my happiness and well being was ever was seen as it is now that he knows.

Ill miss ya,
Sally.

Thanks Sally...Actually thanks for a lot because if it hadn't been for you, I never would have found this site!

Remember at "Breakups suck" how they told you how wrong and how selfish it was of you to 'confess' to your husband?
And here you found out, it was the RIGHT thing to do!
And it sounds like you have a GREAT guy, one of those Ward Cleaver guys we really need to love and appreciate more and give our TOTAL affection to.

I had an e-mail yesterday from the other man friend. He and his woman had just got back from a Thanksgiving trip to Florida to visit her mom.
He sent me a picture of a flower field with beautiful sky and clouds (We always said we would think of one another when we looked at the sky) so probably until I go so far as to end the communication, it will not work for me to tell my husband!

I am not sure if I can EVER get to that point and that is why I am stopping posting here until I get out of the FOG of thinking I can still be platonic friends with him.

I have had WONDERFUL advice here, however my heart is just not ready to let HIM go completely from my life. (He will ALWAYS be in my heart.)
We were GREAT friends.

My husband is a good guy so I have an inner struggle knowing I am deceiving him...
I justify by telling myself that he talks to ladies all day at work and has lady friends that he probably talks somewhat intimately to over the past 35 years at his computer job.
But he is not IN LOVE with one of them that I know of...

I accidently bumped "enter" so wasn't quite finished.

To all my new and caring friends here, you don't need to bother posting a reply to show me where my thinking is wrong, I KNOW I am wrong.

Right now , my heart is ruling my mind.
Love, Sarah

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Sarie:
<strong>
I justify by telling myself that he talks to ladies all day at work and has lady friends that he probably talks somewhat intimately to over the past 35 years at his computer job.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really? Does that work? My problem is that when I try to bullshi** myself, it never works. I see right through it. Does this one work for you?

No, it doesn't work at all because I KNOW he has always been faithful to his little Sarah.

I am the one that strayed from my marriage vows; something I thought I would NEVER ever do!

Sarie
Glad you were able to get over here too!

Yes, that other message board was awful! I truly went there for HELP! anyhow, I have gotten lots here. dont think for a second me contemplating ending this realtionship is easy...im very torn and hurt and sad with everything we have shared.

It will be very hard to do this....I still have trouble convincing myself that I will close the email this friday...I cant beleive tomorrow makes 2 weeks he hasnt contacted me after daily talks for 10 months.

Pop in and say hi if you get bored!

Good luck to you Sarah,
sally

Hi Sally.
The thing about closing an e-mail account or blocking the other person's
e-mails is HE would not know that you are not receiving them.
They are not returned to sender; he would assume you are getting the e-mail. (IF he ever writes again.) He hasn't been kind at all to you! after sharing such a intimate friendship for 10 months; makes you appreciate your caring, honest husband that much more, doesn't it?)

So that would not be 'making a statement' that you no longer want e-mails; HE would just assume you weren't responding.

I don't know, Sally, I read yesterday that it makes it easier to be told
straight out that the communication is stopping...otherwise, like when a person is MISSING istead of dead, the remaining loved ones keep waiting and hoping and it seems that is what you have been and will be doing...(I am sure he knows your name and phone number.)

Hang in there girlie, you seem so much better emotionally than when I first 'met' you.
Love, Sarah

I know Sarie...you are right...if I am honest with myself, I would tell you that still, to this day, I WANT an email saying its through.

I think though by weeks end and 2.5 weeks since he wrote I will stop humiliating myself and close it. If he assumes I am gettin the emails but not responding to them, then maybe he will like the piece of s**t I have this past while.

I guess if its meant to be it will be....so I will close it Friday and go from there.

Yes, I am better since that first FRANTIC hour!!

Dont be a stranger girl!

S.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sarie:

"Hi Sally.

The thing about closing an e-mail account or blocking the other person's
e-mails is HE would not know that you are not receiving them.
They are not returned to sender; he would assume you are getting the e-mail. (IF he ever writes again.)"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's partially true but if he doesn't get a response from Sally he'll eventually get the message that she is no longer interested in him and he'll stop writing to her.

Actually, it is also about taking control of the situation for yourself Sally. You got your e-mail telling you it is over. Are you happy now? That was all you were begging for this last couple of weeks - tell me it's over, that's all I need to hear from him and then I can move on. (See your earlier post in this thread).

Blocking the e-mail is about you taking emotional responsibility for yourself. You are not waiting to see if he will e-mail you because it will automatically go to the trash can. Closing the "secret" account removes the temptation for you to contact. This is why you should do all these things.

Get a grip girl - do you really want to loose your H? You are seriously going about it the right way if you do. I know - remember been there done that got the t-shirt.

Sarie, I know you want to "help" Sally and vice versa, but I believe your relationship is doing the opposite. You are encouraging each other in the behaviours that are secret and were about your A's. There is nothing worse - you talk to each other because you think you are the only two in the world right now who understand what the other is going through. That is so not true - many of us our here know how it feels and what happens. Sally, I told you he had dumped you and now he has actually said it, yet you still blame yourself. You still are thinking about what you should respond, and if you were too needy.

My advice to you is to show that e-mail to your H. Share with him your pain. Send a NC e-mail to OM (properly, not one of love and hearts and flowers), and close your secret account. You are currently setting yourself up to fail.

Wishing you well from London.

Lisa

I will post this on your other thread too.