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A dear friend reminded me of this so that I could get angry but instead, I remain pretty sad...Christmas is just really tough. Too many memories...I want to shut them out. I don't want to remember but there are just so many traditions we had that I must forget and she doesn't want me to spend any of my time thinking of what was...and she's right. Just too many great Christmas CD's I have...Luther is my favorite and has been for the last 8 years.
However, I am different now. I never speak of these traditions to him or anyone else. I don't remind him like I did last year. Although no one thinks that this is moving forward, for me, I believe it is. I know what was even if it now means nothing to him.
I am alone and allow myself to remember.
My dear friend also reminded me that H doesn't remember because he has "moved on" and after all this time, this is the truth I must accept.
I think of all of you often. Thank-you for listening...
<small>[ December 03, 2003, 01:28 AM: Message edited by: Terrified ]</small>
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Miss you lots, and would love to have a "girl-talk" with you soon!
I've got lots going on -- finally in a new home!
Can I call you soon? Is there a good time?
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Terri, Your H isn't moving on, he lives in limbo land and does nothing to further sever your relationship and nothing to improve it and nothing to change it. He's given up being a residential parent or doing much with her other than in small evening doses. He's just a big boy who has abdicated his responsibilities, his obligations, his committments, who has made a life he thinks is real, yet makes no real legal changes or arrangements. I'd rather be you than him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . You live in truth. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Terri}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} And, it's ok to acknowledge what was treasured and good, even if it is not now good.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> However, I am different now. I never speak of these traditions to him or anyone else. I don't remind him like I did last year. Although no one thinks that this is moving forward, for me, I believe it is. I know what was even if it now means nothing to him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Terrified,
I do believe you when you say it is your way of moving forward. You have secured those memories and traditions in a special place in your heart. You do not have to share them with anyone.
Now, start making NEW traditions and NEW memories with your DD. She is getting older and will soon start remembering all the wonderful things she and Mom did during Christmas.
Happy Holidays and Joy to you in the New Year.
committed
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Hello all, Lex, I think of you often too and am glad things are going well. I am working from home tomorrow in the afternoon. Let me know where I can reach you. I would love to hear about everything. Lor, Hope you're well. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your H isn't moving on, he lives in limbo land and does nothing to further sever your relationship and nothing to improve it and nothing to change it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He says he has moved on?? Do you have any suggestions as to why he has done nothing further to sever it? I can't figure it out... not that I should even try. Hi Committed, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now, start making NEW traditions and NEW memories with your DD. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will absolutely try. Thank-you for your replies.
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terr, I don't even know what to say to you.. there are numerous, no hundreds, even thousands of things you could be doing... things that iniate adult conversations between the two of you... things that talk about the elephant in the living room... things that would make him say something...anything... things that would make you feel in control and the more you become comfortable with being in control...the more you will seek control... things that would release your anger and sadness...instead of the being captive to them...because you aren't moving anything... and you choose over and over to mourn what has past...to never seek what might be... because their might even be a you and him.... but you don't even seek that... and if you two ever stop the insanity there dam well better a be a you and him...that learn how to co-parent...or you will doom your daughter to a lifetime of battles... so much fear of the unknown.... and yet the known you both create here and now..with the help of family... is more scary..... you are not lovable or desirable based on the abscence or prescence of anything from him or anyone else... you are lovable and desirable because you alone hold great value and merit to this universe... and you don't beleive it... and yet everyone else around you does.... and somehow you believe they are all wrong... and only your husband is right...for if he alone is a jerk...and not worthy of you...you believe yourself unworthy...to all... Do you see the insanity in that Terr... do you can you... Terr ASK HIM WHY HE HASN'T FILED.,,,for Gods sake just ask him...... it's only a question... ask him... who knows it might even lead to some honest to God conversation... ARK <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
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Ark - Well Said.... Find an ending to this story or better yet a new beginning - don't just let it stay stagnant - You and your daughter deserve better.... You deserve much more than you have now -- you deserve and answer and a new direction one way or the other.... Stop staying put - put yourself out there and live for today - not for yesterday....
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Hi T,
Long time no hear..... well I haven't been cking in as much, as I have moved on slightly...
Filed for the D, but the order is not finalized, and have been out a few times with a very nice guy.... not too serious, but yes, enjoyable.
I feel so much better!
H got mind of my new friend via the kids.... which has not been good, and WH seems to think I will be getting Married to this man next month, or next day after Divorce if D goes through. I am open still to reconciling, but refusing dates with H... because I doubt he can do what I need to reconcile, and Yes, it hurts too much.
I offered to go to counseling to discuss... if H makes appointment, he claims that he will.- So anyway, if he makes an appointment we can discuss how to D successfully and coparent, as is mentioned to you... happy coparenting- I hate the thought too.... but truthfully Terri, it is better to be with a man who loves you and have your DD's dad visit and be fun, than just be Mr. noncommitted h.
I care about you, and what happens to you... you have tried so hard, and I see the bullheadedness in your H that my wh has. We both deserve to be loved and cherished.
Funny, it seems that norm that when someone like my h, and maybe even yours loses what they could have... -us- even if they weren't enjoying it, being a h, etc. then they care...?????
My wh is doing a 180 on me, saying he wants me back.... for now it is all words, my turning down the dates has enticed him more, as has possible competition of another man- and yes this guy really really likes me... isn't that nice?
Anyway, Must go for now, and really a bit afraid to post... about a date.... may even come back and erase as the D is going on, but probably not...
If my wh changed and treated me right, he could have his family back with me included,.... but No, I don't want this.
I hope your holidays will be warm and happy- share your love with your little one. I know it is sad without a Dad that is there for Mom, I too absolutely hate it.
Hugs, H
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Deleted
<small>[ January 15, 2004, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: -Nut Cheerios ]</small>
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Nut, Why did you post this here? Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Terr.. if this caught your eye...and you are around hope you are doing very very well......drop a line... miss ya... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> wow daybreak how have you been... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> OK...enough threadjacking... ark
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ark^^ I am doing pretty good!!!! Had a very nice Christmas and break, my YD came home from dad's last night and OD and SIL are due home today. Got to spend time with my son as he helped me decorate my OD and SIL house they had nothing literally but three dogs and I wont even go there!!! But OD and SIL have a very nice home now and have a few more things to open today for their house. Even seen x last night, and nothing, just don't really care much anymore, have a few things (see post) that are bothering me about him, just trying to get so insight so that I understand, but probably never will and that is ok! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Dear T, U know, you H is pulling the same stale line as in previous years. Yep, it is years now right? Ok, now join the club..... he isn't making sense to you and now the rest of the world will also realize this. Time to just sit back and watch him make a fool of himself. He is already is but it isn't cold enough for the emperor to realize his 'new wardrobe' is showing off the unflattering side of his character! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> L.
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