LOL - remind me not to get you mad at me solon .. umm my real name is mike .... yeah that's it... mike. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> How did you get the info you have?

Thank you about the Belated B - day I'll see what I can do about finding out some info .. might take a day or two ..

*** WMWB *** Hang in there, I hope that what we talked about doesn't happen and it was more threats and BS.

In the mean time I'm going to look into that info I told you on the phone about Wis vs Min and see what the difference is.

Okay, I blew it, Guys. I...I'm just not that strong with all of this.

Last night my wife calls my son and they are on the phone. He asks her if she would come sleep with him because he misses her and he wants her. Her reply? "Huh? What kind of question is that?"

I get mad, take the phone from him and hang up. She calls back and I calmly tell her that I am upset to hear her tell her own child "no" so easily to a question no son should have to ask their. She just demands that I put him back on the phone. She starts yelling at me, telling me that all I want to do is control her, calls ME crazy and tells me she does not want to be with me right now. I ask her questions, she does not answer. All she does is demand that I put them on the phone. So...I (oh, oh...ready?) I verbally give her the Plan B <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know, I know. It's supposed to be written and all of that. But I was kind and I said that I love her but this whole situation is hurting me and driving me crazy (to which she said I've been crazy). I asked her not to contact me for anything and I will do the same. I mentioned some mediators, but she says she does not talk to any of them and said she will email me if she needs to tell me something. I asked her politely not to call the children when they are with me and I will do the same, but I told her I will not stop them from calling her. I stressed again that I want to preserve the love I have for her so I need to step back.

I was upset with myself for not being able to control myself. I called someone from here and he really was able to calm me down (I thank him for that again). So, I don't know what happens now. I guess I just heal. Oh! She did say that she is not involved with anyone (imagine that). She also kept saying that she did not want to be with me right now, before it was period, at all, ever.
So, maybe it is good that we not contact at all. I don't know.

L&C, it would be GREAT if you get any info. on this guy for me.

Solon,

Good job!! A face to face Plan B is OK. Can you follow it up with a letter now...just to reiterate what you said on the phone? And so she has something to look at in a week when she thinks about the lack of contact and how to renew things with you. Make sure to include in the Plan B a path for her to come home.

Actually, hope I'm wrong about the week. You want it to take longer for her to come there or else you will never trust a quick decision.

I told her that I would follow up with a letter. Do you think I should send a copy of this letter to the other guy AND his mom, considering they live together? I kind of feel that she has told him mom that I am crazy and she just had to leave. So if I send her a copy of the letter that should clear that up. Here is the letter:

Rhonda, you are my wife and I love you. As I told you, the path you have chosen is hurting me far too much. In order to raise our children in the way God would have them to be raised I must remove myself from this situation until you decided that you want to include yourself in this family. Until you decide to severe all communications with Randy and end the affair, until you decide you want to be a full time mother and work on this marriage, please do not contact me.

I will continue to work on myself so that when you do come back I will be the husband you can feel comfortable coming back to. I will continue to do all that I have done for the children in your absence.

You have a husband who loves you, children who need you, and a God who has given His life to save you. We will be waiting for your return.

OK first of all what is done is done.. don't beat yourself up over it. What you should do in my opinion is think about what you said to her .. sit down and write it in a letter. Let us see the letter BEFOR you give it to her.. then give her it. No email either! Tough it out and give her it personally. Do you have caller Id? Let her call if she wants to, just hand it to your children. Then hang up after they are done .. I'm not there yet but close .. you need to talk with WMWB about it ..

Trust me when I say this .. and WMWB will vouch for it. THEY ALL SAY THAT .. His has and mine has .. all I want to do is control her, she hates me, doesn't want to live with me, can't stand me, 0h and my all time favorite .. it is none of my business what she is doing and with who. Ummmm I could be wrong here, let me think about it.. oh yes .. we are married ( or at least supposed to be,) ... BLAH BLAH BLAH ....

oh and as far as being " crazy " I'm the one that belongs in a mental institute (actually I probably do now - LOL)

Ps: you can get my email and phone number from WMWB if you would like.. that way you have more then one person to vent to if needed.

Hey guys.

I think i can expect to be served with D papers sometime today. This sucks. My wife told me last night that because our first son was born out of wedlock (keep in mind I signed the birth certificate and have been his only dad for 4 yrs.) I didn't have any parental rights to him. My attorney said she was full of crap and not to worry about it.

I think I'm really startin gto hate women. I just an't take this anymore... what have i done to deserve this kind of treatment?

WMWB - blah, blah, blah ... remember .. and what are you doing talking to her anyways? PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B, .. and keep that finger to yourself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well... she gave me the old "play action fake" ...in football terms. She called and said it was about the kids... so i was listening.

I should never have answered the phone after hanging up on her initially. Bad, bad, bad, bad... damn me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Want My Wife Back???:

"I think I'm really startin to hate women."</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Please don't judge ALL women for the actions of one. Not only is it unfair to all the good, loving and faithful women of the world but you'll end up becoming a bitter man with no love in his heart for anyone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I just can't take this anymore... what have i done to deserve this kind of treatment?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More bad things happen to good people than to bad people, but eventually the good people transcend their ordeals and move on to much richer lives than before.

If your marriage does end, you'll be in a much better place to move on with your life than your WW ever will. You will have learned what makes a marriage work and your chances will increase dramatically in developing a happy and healthy marriage with a woman who knows the true meaning of love and committment. Can you say the same thing about your WW?

WMWB, wow! Your wife sounds like mine. But L&C has a point, don't talk to her. I know that I have plan B'd my wife, I will not be speaking to her and you know what? I kind of feel a little peace (especially since she will be paying for my son's after school care). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But hang in there, Man. Your wife has it pretty bad, as does mine. I have to get you all email's address before the weekend. I expect this weekend to be pretty smooth sailing though. I won't hear from her.

Yeah, i don't know what her problem is. I NEVER had her figured for someone who would use her kids as pawns in this sort of game. It makes me SOOO mad.

Well... so far so good, I haven't been served yet. Maybe tonight when i get home there will be a big ol' sheriff waiting for me. That will be nice. Merry Christmas.

I hate this. All I ever wanted was to be a good husband and a good father. I've always done my best at both of those. It occured to me a long time ago that the former was much harder than the later. Obviously i failed pretty misserably at it. Yet, through it all, somehow I still find myself loving this woman more than anything. She treats me like this and all I can do is love her. How pathetic is that? Logically I can't figure out why on earth I would ever want to be with her... why I would ever want to make myself vulnerable to someone like her again. But emotionally, i do... i just want to be a family again. I just want to BE a better husband to her. I just want another chance. I think what we have/had together is worth giving it one more fighting chance... I can't see why she doesn't.

I know the logical response is that she is an addict, she doesn't know what she is doing, she is hurting and acting out... so on, and so on. I get the logical arguement. But this woman is MY wife and the mother of MY kids... not this OM's. How can she just walk away from us and over to him? It makes me so heartbroken to think of her and him trying to take his daughter and my boys and create a family together. It really makes me feel like I'm going to snap. I just don't know how I'd handle it if that happened.

Ok, I'm just rambling and making myself seem like a walking time bomb... not the case, just a little down today and having a tough time dealing with this. I feel like everytime I take a step forward, I take two backwards. It is getting very tiring.

I know it must be. I know how you feel. We'll get through this though. Just take it one day at a time. Even if she does give you the papers, like someone said, don't sign anything. Just be kind to her (it's easier said than done, just look at me).

But hang in there.

Being kind to her is something that I'm having a REAL hard time doing. I always seem to come across as cold and angry and uncaring. I wish i could just be pleasant and cheerful... strong and hold my plan B ground... but pleasant. Way, way easier said than done.

Everytime I hang up the phone with her, I kick myself for acting like an @ss. I need to write myself a script for how to behave and what to say. So that I can pull it out and look at it whnever she calls.

Ok... here is the script I've written for answering the phone when it is my WW. I will keep a copy next to the phones at home, next to the phone at work and in the pocket that I carry my cell phone. I will answer, ask her to hang on one second... peruse the script and follow it through the call.

Here it is, tell me what you think.

Script for dealing with Nikki on the phone.

1)Be CHEERFUL when you answer. Keep a smile on your face even though she can’t see it.

2)Say “Hello”… not just “What?”

3)Use a calm and compassionate voice.

4)Politely ask if this is in regards to the kids?

5)If she says “NO” then say good bye and hang up.

6)DO NOT listen to her explain why she is
calling.

7)DO NOT answer when she calls back

8)DO NOT give her verbal jabs or sarcastic one-liners.


She has your letters, she knows where you stand, she knows you have nothing you want to talk to you about. She is just pushing your limits and boundaries. Don’t let her succeed. Be strong and firm, but polite and compassionate. Keep it short and don’t let her talk if it isn’t about the kids.

Ok, that is the script, I'm looking for feedback.

That sounds ideal...if you could stick to it. To me, it would just be easier to not even answer the phone if you know its her. Let it go into voicemail. If it is important she will leave a message. But, if you can follow through with that script then I say, go at it.

WMWB,

Next time your WW does the hustle, call your intermediary and have HER call your WW. Let's see if WW has the gall to talk with intermediary that way...probably not, and if she does, then you have a witness to threats and false accusations...

Dark, dark, dark, Plan B is just as much as protecting yourself as it is about preserving your love.

Work on yourself and the problems before the A, LBs and ignoring ENs.

Well, I've tried the not answering approach but there is a problem. Either she has the kids or I do. So, I need to answer so that I can talk to them if it's them, or find out about any emergencies. She also needs to be able to talk to them. So, i at least have to answer the first time she calls... just to find out if it is the kids or and emergency. Aside from that, i've gotten pretty good at hang'n up on her. I just need to be more polite about it.

WW won't talk tot hte intermediary... at all. She doesn't answer when Intermediary calls and won't call when she needs to communicate with me.

excuse me one second while I roll up my sleaves .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />


ok I have got a firm grip on this big piece of lumber .. THWAACK

Why are you even anwsering the phone? SEND IT TO VOICE MAIL. It doesn't matter if it is about the kids.. you can call her back if it is. ( Actually you can have your intermediary call her back )

PLAN B = NO CONTACT ..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So you do not need a script of any kind because you shouldn't have anything to say anyways...

You need to go back to NO CONTACT like in the restraining order ..

OH BS you have a pretty good idea when she is going to have the kids call you .. so what is the excuse befor 5?

I'm sorry you are having a bad day! I'm right there beside you on that one actually.

<small>[ December 12, 2003, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Lost&Confussed ]</small>

solon,

maybe not a bad idea to send a letter to OM's mom (part of exposing the A) but it would probably be better as a phone call. Write it down if you want someone to have written proof of your contact later... I would make contact a little different than a Plan B letter. Expose the A, let her know you would like to stay M, let her hear your side of the story...that the M wasn't all that bad and you're not the monster WW makes you out to be, that you're cutting WW away so she can decide on her own, and open the lines of communication (phone #, email) in case mom ever has any concerns and needs to pass on info to you. She could be a strong ally, but I wouldn't rely on her too much, will be trying to protect son. Make an initial phone call and call her every once in a while if there are major changes happening...don't overstay your contact with her, don't get her to spy for you, and take what she says with a grain of salt. Up until now she may be fed no information or fogtalk.

I've heard mixed advice about contacting the OP. My opinion in your case is that it would only serve to anger you and possible get you in trouble. Stay dark with him.

Have you let family and friends know about the A?