Hi You Guys:

I sincerely believe that I am a MB SUCCESS STORY . I really hope that my story can serve as an inspiration to others. This site and people here were a GOD-SEND to me.

This time last year my life was awful. My H was IN LOVE with another woman. Now he is truly IN LOVE with me again. The difference is that I am really his TRUE LOVE . He sent me a card saying this on my birthday last week. I know now that he was trying to make her into me. Of course, she failed.

Ok. Some of what I learned from my experience so far...

THERE REALLY IS A FOG. Now that he is out of it, he is himself again. He still slips into it every now and then. I can tell that's when he's thinking about her or the A life that they had. He says crazy things or acts crazy. The more time that he spends away from her, the less these occasions occur.

THE KEY IS MEETING THE EMOTIONAL NEEDS. Understanding this was a large part of the answer for me. I've realized that my H's top emotional needs are the same that they have been since I met him 30 years ago. I stopped meeting them --plain and simple. The key was for me to go back to doing my job (PLAN A about a year ago) and for me to maintain doing my job. It is not hard because there is nothing new. I can do a better job at it because I went back to doing the very same things that were important to him when we were courting. Steve Harley told me this from the start. I remember telling Steve that my FWH did not tell me what he needed and Steve asked me did he have to tell me when we first started dating. The answer was no. When my H first came home he kept telling me the things that he likes. What he was telling me, I already knew. That was what he had to do with her and she would follow his directions. Now I just go ahead and do these things that he likes... the things that I had stopped doing. In turn, HE MEETS MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS. Now, we are IN LOVE again. Make sense? I have to admit that I got lazy because it does take a lot of time and energy to FOCUS TIME ON OUR RELATIONSHIP. We spend a lot of time together. It seems weird but I realize that that's how it was supposed to be all along. We stopped doing it many years ago. I'm surprised though that my H had needs that I was not aware of such as his high need for affection. He is always wanting to touch me, hold my hand and to cuddle. I believe that this may be new for him. IF YOU ARE IN PLAN A, BE AWARE THAT YOUR WS' NEEDS MAY HAVE CHANGED.

MAINTAIN YOUR BELIEF IN MARRIAGE... I give myself lots of credit for not listening to the worldly view of this. Try to have faith and not listen to family and friends who encourage you to give up. Somehow I knew that my H wanted to find his way back. Regardless of what others would say to me I did not give up hope. I know my situation may be different from others because my
H always wanted to cake-eat, he never wanted to stop total contact with me. That was my sign.

I continue to be depressed and traumatized by this experience. I'm praying for true personal recovery. I am certainly significantly less anxious. Right now, he mostly seems to view the OW negatively and sees the A as being a major life mistake. However, once this happens to us, I guess we will always believe that it can happen again. I feel reassured too by the fact that my H is extremely accountable about his time and it will be hard for her to get to him. If she could establish contact, I think his vulnerability would be stronger. She was the DRUG DEALER and he was most certainly the DRUG USER.

More later....

I wanted to check in to let you guys know that WE are still doing great.

Mimi,
I believe you followed some advice from Keepmvn4wrd, and let go. How do you think that
worked towards your success?
Laurie

Mimi

It is so good to read a success story because so many BS/WS are encouraged to continue the battle to save their marriage because of stories like yours.

All the best to you and H.

Beau

Blessed Blessed Holiday Season to you MiMi...

picture how much you have faced and overcome..
think of the times you thought you would die...and yet here you are...

be proud of the lessons so hard learned that have strengthened you....and your ability to conquer such things...

what's not to love about you mimi?... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
stupid fog....truly is blinding at times.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
ARK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

mimi - good for you!

I hope you didn't think I abandoned you when I stopped participating in the forum last April. I wasn't providing anything others here couldn't. Guess I was right, huh? (Or perhaps, I was giving you bad advice and you got REAL advice after I stopped? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) But please accept that I didn't forget your struggle.

I can't devote the time here I once did - it's another step in MY recovery. But I'll come "snoop" once in a while in hopes of reading posts like yours above.

My continuing advice to you - although you've done better than I did - keep your Plan A for life. I think you know this already. Also, don't ever think you're immune from further setbacks - it's a journey, not a destination.

Now, apply what you've learned and go help some others here. I pass my torch to you...........

Mimi, that is really awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You said, "MAINTAIN YOUR BELIEF IN MARRIAGE..."

So, so true!!

You also said," I give myself lots of credit for not listening to the worldly view of this. Try to have faith and not listen to family and friends who encourage you to give up."

Again, this is so important. We always have to remember that it is OUR lives and not the life of the persons advising us. We need to be discerning and take all advice with a grain of salt. It might have some good or truth in it, and in fact, it might be very good... but not necessarily what is needed or right in our situation, etc. Too many people don't think for themselves and don't fight for what they believe in but rather listen to others and do as they say.. even though it's not those people's lives!!!

You said, "I continue to be depressed and traumatized by this experience. I'm praying for true personal recovery."

I can only imagine. I am sure this is completely normal. It will take time. And prayer.

I enjoyed reading your success story. God bless you and your husband as you rebuild your marriage!!

Yippee!

Great to hear...we wonder about you.

A real reason to be thankful this year.

*S*

double post

<small>[ December 08, 2003, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: *Sparkle* ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My continuing advice to you - although you've done better than I did - keep your Plan A for life. I think you know this already. Also, don't ever think you're immune from further setbacks - it's a journey, not a destination.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WAT: You know the answers as usual. You and Melody Lane were literally life savers for me. Your advice as well as your support was an important ingredient in all of this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> believe you followed some advice from Keepmvn4wrd, and let go. How do you think that
worked towards your success </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">KEEPMVN taught me the importance of self-esteem and the effect fo the WS' jealousy. These lessons are part of my continuing PLAN A. He likes it when I'm tough. He knows and believes now that I can and will go on without him if I have to. He also knows that I find other men attractive and that they find me attractive. It makes him a bit anxious as well it should. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Mimi!
It is so good to hear from you and to know that you continue to move forward in love with your H!
I still lurk but post less. I think my own WH is at a crossroads and I am trying to figure out the best way to proceed. I don't feel that a full blown Plan B will help at this point. So although I don't initiate contact much, I do occassionally and I really feel that WH is truly struggling with a final decision! Nearly a year after D-Day! I am trying to softly show the way home.
I wish you all the best and a joyful holiday season. Keep in touch.

Mimi1254,

Hi, so glad to read the success stories. I have been up and down since you last replied to one of my posts. I too know what you mean by all the well meaning family and friends. I keep telling my mom that there really isn't anything she will be able to say to snap me out of the funk I'm in at the moment, or to make me give up on WH, but just to listen.

I was wondering if you have time, would you be able to visit one of my latest threads which gives the jist of my updated situation. I am coming to a crossroad soon and really don't know what Plan (A or B) if any that I'm currently in so it seems like a combo of both. I'm not really sure where to go from here. One of my current threads is: (Blondblossom, Dazedblonde, Faith1960..please come here... )

I have been receiving some good advice from Faith1960 and always appreciate extra sets of eyes to my situation as I have been becoming increasingly frustrated with dense FOG my WH is still in.

Also, I would be interested in knowing what keepmvnforward said about WS's jealousy strategy. I have been giving that some thought as well.

Again, it is so great to see and hear that MB has helped someone. Good luck w/personal recovery and w/your M.

FF