My husband's work is having a christmas party, and I am torn between going or not. She will be there, so either way I am going to be uncomfortable. If I go I will be anxious because I will have to be in the same room with the OW. If I don't go I will be miserable knowing that he is there, with her, in a social situation. What id she didn't bring her husband, what if they are talking, blah blah blah.

I am afraid to be totally honest and open with my husband, to be that vaunerable.

Anyone have experience or advice on this?
j

I am no expert as you can tell, My wife left me.
But I would go, you must act as if she dosent even matter. do not be drawn into games like if she is dirty dancing dont think you have to one up her, bottom line act normal. I would also only go if your husband wants you to, if he doesnt ask why if this is not normal. Did he go by himself in the past ? if not then not this year either.

If he can skip it this year, that might be easiest.

If he goes, you go, he does not go alone.

And, yes, I've been going to 2-5 of H's work socials attended by the FOW, including 2 Christmas parties a year for the past 4 years. She skipped the first one this year, but I'm expecting to see her at the party tomorrow.

Their PA was 18 mo. long and I was not invited to his work parties during that time...so now that I can go, I never let the presence of the FOW may any difference in my activities with my H.

If you go to this party, that saves the next event from being the "first". You never know when a retirement or wedding or funeral for your H's co-workers will crop up. It's hard to have to keep making the "should we?" decision as a reprecussion of the A.

My best advice, dress in something that lends you confidence, outwardly and down to sexy undies. Keep your head up, smile, be normally affectionate with your H, converse with people, find a friend if you can.

The party may be stressful for your H, don't expect a lot from him, but don't let him ditch you either. If you go, be clear on that before you arrive.

And stay away from the OW.

I look through her, as if she isn't there, because in the early days when I looked at her, I swear actual flames flew out of my eyes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . However, she never seeks me out, though if I am sitting somewhere, she has often planted herself in my line of view. If someone I'm talking to unwittingly calls her over, I glide away. I don't have anything to say to the FOW. Ever. And, since I met her pre A and talked to her once during, I know she's very self-deluded and arrogant, and in any case, she's not a potential friend. I don't care to hear one word out of her mouth--who knows where it's been <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

People who know about the A have actually complimented me on the way I've handled the situation.

It's do-able, even if it isn't great fun.

Think "be a diva" or Nicole Kidman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> .

<small>[ December 11, 2003, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: Lor (Lor) ]</small>

Dear JLS:

I just posted a thread about this "In Recovery" earlier this week as the Christmas Party with FOW was on Sunday.

Last year I fretted and stewed for nothing as she was a no-show.

This year, I didn't really even have time to think about it, dressed comfortably and looked nice but not anything special at all. Of course, she showed up - alone!

Now that I've had time to think about it, these are some things I would do differently:

1. Definitely plan in your mind what you would do/say if you have to come face to face with her.
I wish I had gone over to her table and said hello to everyone there but her!!!!

2. Go early enough so that you can get the seat you want with the people you want to sit with.
My H and I were fashionably late and were left sitting at a table by ourselves. We kinda looked like losers but we actually had a nice time chatting.

3. Give yourself a little pep talk. He has chosen to be with you. You should hold your head up high. She should be the one who squirms when you are around - NOT the other way around.

4. Look through her not at her.

5. And when in doubt, grab your husband's arm, look up into his eyes and give a dazzling smile. After all, you are in love with your man!

Just spend a little time thinking about it and you'll feel much more comfortable. I wish I had thought about it ahead of time instead of getting caught off guard like that.

My FOW acts not one bit remorseful. She's really brassy, loud, obnoxious.... I could go on but I won't.

Have fun in spite and to spite her!
DB

PS.
Way to go Lor - that's what I'm talking about!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's do-able, even if it isn't great fun.

Think "be a diva" or Nicole Kidman </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ December 11, 2003, 02:27 PM: Message edited by: dazed blonde ]</small>