I have been seeing my doctor off and on almost every year since 1993 for depression. At times I was also seeing licensed counselors, psychologists, or psychiatrists to help understand why I was experiencing these cyclical periods of sadness. I have been on just about every anti-depressant on the market. The deaths of my father and sister explained two of the times but the other times, I just experienced extreme sadness, sometimes with thoughts of suicide. I just knew my life sucked but couldn't understand why.

I have learned in the past three months that my H has had three affairs - 2 PA and 1 EA. The first one started in 1992, the second in 1997, and the last one in 2003.

Am I stupid to think this could be one reason for my unexplained sadness? I discussed this with my H but he says it couldn't be because I didn't know he was having these affairs. He is right, I didn't know nor did I suspect, but I can't believe his secret life didn't have an adverse affect on me and our marriage during this time. I know he spent less time with our sons, which I confronted him about several times. I know he was distant lots of times -- you know he was here physically but didn't interact much. I didn't feel he was there for me, even during my sad days.

All these years I kept thinking the changes in our marriage were normal in long-term relationships. It seemed to happen so gradually over time -- no huge problems, we rarely argued.

Maybe it is my hope that this could be one reason for the recurring sadness. Maybe I hope that now these As are known, we can work on the marriage and I won't need to take antidepressants forever. I know the depression and, for that matter, the anti-depressants affected my sex drive. There was no problem with SF in our marriage in 1992, when he started his first PA. By 1999, however, I could see the desire for SF was almost gone for both of us. Well, at least in our marriage -- he was satisfying his need for SF with OW#2.

Has anyone else had this experience with depression during their WS's A before D-Day?

Toofargone

I too was depressed before d-d.(for approx. 3 months) I too thought that my depression was due to our life situation at that time of our life. (I had never before experienced "depression.")

I too thought that the changes in our life was due to our long-term marriage.

I now "KNOW" that my depression did come from the "signals" that my WS was sending "unconciously".
My Depression was a result of the sadness I felt because I felt the "Distance" that was between my WS and I.

There were so many "strange" incidents that I just couldn't give a name.
My "intuition" was screaming and I wasn't listening.

I was in complete "denial" and I wasn't seeing what was happening around me.

Even though I didn't know about my WS affair, there were "strong vibes" and I was reacting towards them.
I fell into "depression".

There is NO logical explanation and even if you didn't know about your WS affair, you were sencing something and your body "definately" reacts.

Most "unknowing" people will just say: What you don't know will not affect you, but this is so off track.

You might not know the details but you will surely know when something is not right and therefore you will be reacting in some way. It's just a matter of "understanding your body" and your" emotions".
What is your body telling you??

Your body will react with "depression" for many reasons. It's just a matter of finding out what.

I personally think that your "depression" makes total sence.
Look at the dates you wrote. It matches.

When something was going wrong in your relationship, you were definately "reacting".

After d-d my depression was "GONE!". I was probably so "numb and shocked".
I went through panik attacks and lots of crying but the shock had somehow "lifted" my depression.

I then went through an extreme busy time of life. I was always on the go. We also went through a "Honey-moon" phase and this again left no space for depression.

After approx. 1 1/2 years, I fell into a very serious depression again. Only this time I was also "suicidal". I thought that I was honestly "going NUTS". This must of been a phase when "reality" really hit me.

Again, I was reacting to the "Pain" that the affair has caused me. I was having the hardest time of my life trying to "accept this situation because I knew I couldn't change it."

It took months but eventually I made it.

I haven't been depressed for a long time now and I believe it's because everything in my life is ok again.

take care
bb