I just found out my husband is speaking on his new walkie talkie phone to a woman he met away at training and I so much wanted to get her number off the bill, but he made sure the bill was sent to another address. I took his phone and now I can't get the account info from the website since the phone was reported lost. Oh it is driving me crazy. I am thinking about snooping around by calling her company to see if I can find out her name. She is supposedly married. I would go as far as finding her home number and having a talk w/ OPS. How many of you are obsessed in this way?

Well absolutely I was obsessed with finding the truth when the FACTS ABOUT MY LIFE were being wrongly withheld from me. When you suspect someone is destroying you behind your back, it is only a natural reaction to want to find out the truth so you can protect yourself. That is a HEALTHY obsession to want to protect yourself by finding the truth.

Has contacting the OWH/OMW in anyones situation turned things around for their marriages? Does it do any good?

I know I was obsessed...still am in a way. But I ended up finding out his name, his address, where he worked, as much info. on him as I possibly could. And you know, it was very relieving. It took up so much time and energy, but it was active. Instead of sitting around wondering what was going on and with who, I was literally doing something and getting results. I think it kept me sane to tell you the truth.

Once I had his info. I used it to expose the A. It definitely put a strain on the relationship, as I found out he lived with his mother. But I believe it also facilitated in my wife moving out. Once his mother knew, they could no longer go over there to have sex, so my wife moved out and got her own place. But finding out all the info. you can can very well be therapeutic if you ask me. Just don't break the law to do it. I am still trying to find out the name of his exwife.

LostinIN,

Contacting the OMW didn't turn around my M. But I knew it was something I had to do in case she didn't know.

She does contact me periodically for information sharing and finding things out from my side of the world.

Did it do any good? Well, I let someone who didn't know about her H's A in on the secret. Did it make things worse for her? I guess that depends if you think telling/not telling is better or worse for someone. I personally would hate to live in a marriage under the shadow of a lie.

Obsessed is an understatement! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LostinIN:
<strong> Has contacting the OWH/OMW in anyones situation turned things around for their marriages? Does it do any good? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think that it can be a great help in some situations. Often when the OP's spouse knows, it can quickly mean the end of the affair. They can put great pressure on the affair from their end.

But that is only a potential side benefit of telling the OP's spouse. The main purpose in telling them is because it is the right thing to warn them they are being destroyed behind their back so they can protect themselves. If I knew someone's bookkeeper was embezzling money from you can bet your [censored] I wouldn't hesistate to warn them regardless of any any personal benefit.

When my H confessed his A, he refused to name the OW. I begged and pleaded and he still refused. I asked him "why?" and he said it was because he promised HER that he would never tell. He even said he would divorce me before he EVER told me her name.

Two weeks later he finally revealed her name and I understood then why he didn't want me to know. He had taken our teenaged son to her house three times and then had sex with her while my son was running an errand.

I was obsessed with knowing who she was. I felt I needed this information to protect myself. I was so afraid that it was either someone I knew or that my H might introduce me to her in the future. I imagined the "joke" they would have keeping me in the dark. I was also afraid that the reason my H didn't want me to know her identity was so he could resume the A with her in the future.

She was divorced so no spouse to contact.

Here's a good one. I guess I qualify as obsessed with OM. My story is a long one, and to make it short, W's A happened 12yrs ago. I found out about the A a few months after it ended so long ago, so I would imagine this could become a very sad story for another family... but thats not my problem eh? Anyway, I never realized I hadn't actually recovered until I began looking at this website a few months ago, and our marriage has suffered tremendously for it (not recovering). I've suppressed my feelings about wifes decade+ old affair, not recovered, not hardly. It's happening now though and is rather easy as time has softened the hurt.

Back then, my W refused to let me contact OMW, I should have anyway but felt at the time I should honor her wishes to save the marriage. But, I did write him a letter. Simply put, I stated if he ever, in any way, shape, form or fashion attempted to contact my wife again, I would in turn contact his own W and spill the beans. Well guess what... in my renewed attempts to keep my marraige together, I have had to reopen some old wounds in order to come to terms with my wifes A. It's going well with MC and wifes getting IC for her own problems, but unfortunately for xOM, I just found out he did in fact attempt to contact my W up to a year after I wrote the letter. I know he and wife are still together, and I honestly don't believe I'll ever sleep well until I'm sure in my own mind OMW is no longer living a lie with a morally bankrupt cowardly slug of a man. OM's wife finds out as soon as I nail down and verify an email address or phone number (OM has been slick for allot of years about remaining unlisted). I am a man of my word, and I do not forget.

M.

<small>[ December 18, 2003, 04:49 AM: Message edited by: Mortimer ]</small>

Oh yeah. I was obsessed. I think I made this person out to be bigger tahn life because i felt she was wrecking my relationship. When actually he and I were wrecking our relationship, with her assistance on the side.

Quote by Lost
"I so much wanted to get her number off the bill"

I wanted to talk to other woamn because I was somewhat misguided. What do you hope to accomplish by finding her number? Forethought is very important before crossing this road, if you haven't already.

Oh yes, in the beginning I didn't know who it was. I just figured it was someone at work. My first clue came with the cell phone bill. For some reason, WS called her at home a couple of times in the beginning. I just did a google and got her last name (phone was in her father's name). I still wasn't sure who it was till WS gave me one of his monthly reports for feedback. Her name was in black and white. I tried to google her, but no luck. I did google her home number and got her address. WS still doesn't know her address.