Hi,
Today is my 32 anniversary. I bought my husband a beautiful card that was very appropriate for us...(d-day being a little over a year ago.)We have made lots of progress over this year, but obviously have a LONG way to go.

I have tried to communicate my feelings to him, but sometimes he just doesn't get it. Of course there was no card for me...he just said something like 'we haven't exchanged cards in years'...but we will start a new tradition.' He seemed appreciative of the card and thanked me for it...was afraid I was mad at him. I'm not mad, but have to admit I'm hurt because just last week he bought a really pretty card for a long lost friend and left it laying around. I sometimes get weary from trying....he is (or was) a really cold fish...but it is getting better.

All of this makes me play the 'what if' game....what if I had left him, would I be happier with the OM? I know that I probably wouldn't...but he certainly wasn't so unemotional..... I don't want to have these thoughts, they just pop in my head.

It helps me to post here. Any comments or suggestions are most welcome.

Hi,

just a question......... Is your husband aware of the book "His Needs, Her Needs"?
Are you?

It sounds as if your "communication" isn't what it should be like.

take care
bb

HI Diane,
I don't really know your story, but I noticed you said, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> All of this makes me play the 'what if' game....what if I had left him, would I be happier with the OM? I know that I probably wouldn't...but he certainly wasn't so unemotional..... I don't want to have these thoughts, they just pop in my head.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's a game I think many of us play. I hate to say this, but most likely you NEED someone like your husband. He's more stoic, and you're more emotional. Isn't it all about balance? As Blond says, read the book she recommended and go from there. Even if that doesn't help, it still sounds like you have a man who is devoted to you. He's with you, and you have a rich history together. Rejoice in that!

IF you'd left your H, I truly don't think you'd have been happier with the OM. (speaking from experience here, what a nightmare!) You have a husband who loves you, despite what you did to him. Rejoice in that, focus on that.

Edited to add, and trying not to sound like I'm having a pity party: I spent what would have been my 21st, 22 anniversary all alone, divorced! Believe me, I wasn't just on the verge of tears. That is plain old sadness, to say the least.

Just my take,
HP
divorced due to my infidelity- 8/02
Working on restoration for a long time,
seeing progress!

<small>[ December 18, 2003, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: hopeful_person ]</small>

Blonde,
I am aware of the book, and have been using it some....I know I need to communicate more with him about what I've learned.

Hopeful,
Thanks for offering your perspective! you are so right.....I'm lucky he loved me enough to want to stay with me through all of it. I know I hurt him deeply...the OM was his friend too...in fact, we had all been friends for about 25 years when his wife (my friend) died of cancer. The affair started in the months that followed her death. In my efforts to be a friend to him, well...you know the rest of the story. I got too close and the PA started about 8 or 9 months after her death.

I just want my marriage to continue to improve...and sometimes it is hard. But posting here has helped me tremendously.

Thanks for the replies

Hi,
Just an update....my husband did get me a beautiful card and wrote a personal message inside. He had it for me when I got home last night. He mentioned how blessed we are with our new grandson, and new home, and that overall it has been a good year. He also mentioned that we were lucky to have each other!!!

Wow, what a difference a day makes....LOL

Diane

<small>[ December 19, 2003, 08:29 AM: Message edited by: diane1223 ]</small>

That was a great update Dianne and it shows that beneath that seemingly icy exterior of his there is a warm, loving heart for you, his loving W. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />