He even said he tunes the counselor out because some things are just repeated over and over.
Hmmm, that seems VERY familiar...

As I have suggested, over & over (& over), read ”Surviving An Affair", then maybe you will understand a little bit of Marriage Builders principles and why he is doing what he is doing.

<small>[ January 04, 2004, 11:24 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

He left on Sat. We still will have to see each other because I am not well enough yet to take care of and car pool my grandkids around so he is going to have to help do it until I am able to. Its really amazing how he will have to and will flex his scedule to do this now and yet to take a little trip or do something for us he wouldn't flex. I miss him but yet I don't miss the coldness he showed toward me. The tension when he came home after his day was awful. So maybe him going out will releave both of us until we can think straight. I gave him the 2 books to read " Torn Asunder " and "Surviving and Affair". I told him to read them before he makes any decision of what the future holds. That way he might see himself in one or more of the scenarios in the book and realize what he is feeling is normal and it will take time. He just didn't seem to want to deal with anything at this time that I was saying. Everything I said upset him and I mean everything. It was like he looked at me with disgust sometimes. I really don't miss that. I told him if we do get back together we will still have to work out some things and compromise as far as making our life more exciting. But as of now, that is way down the road. He is staying down my moms this time so far, so my head is thinking a little better. Last time he went right to the O/W house and I was really uptight. So maybe this time he will think more clearing of some options for us. Should I try to get him to go to the counselor tomorrow with me??????????????

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

We still will have to see each other because I am not well enough yet to take care of and car pool my grandkids around so he is going to have to help do it until I am able to.
Why will he "have to" do this?
What makes you think he will do this?

<small>[ January 05, 2004, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Our daughter goes to ultrasound school for the next 1 1/2 yrs. and she was depending on me to watch her 3 yr. old take the other one to school. So now, with all this tension among my husband and me and my heart being so weak, I told her I CAN'T do it. Maybe 2 or 3 hrs. I will try next week, he usually comes home and takes a nap after 1/2 day nursery school. He kept them all day yesterday, and today he is taking them to school. He told my daughter to call him around 3 to see where the 3 1/2 yr. old is. He hasn't called me at all.. But my daughter had said he is taking off Saturday, " he needs it he said." It's ironic that he had to work every Sat. while with me, and now that he left, he is taking the Sat. off. I wanted to go to take a 2 or 3 day weekend away from it all, just the 2 of us. Ii've been saying that all along and he said he didn't have the time, too much work he said. He isn't going to the counselor today, so I will go it alone., But I am still crying and getting upset, I have to learn to take control of myself or I will end up back in the hospital. I really don't think he intents to come back this time. Because I really don't believe he ever was completely not talking to or seeing her. So we will never recover until that time comes. In reading "Torn Asunder" he did say the scenario about wanting the Mercedes after having his other favorite car for years might be a possiblity of why he strayed. I must find strength to go on without him if that's what he is choosing......

My H called me yesterday to talk. He said he enjoys being along and thats the way he likes it, on his own. He still would not say that he was seeing the O/W or talking to her. I had gone to the counselor right after seeing him for an appt. that was supposed to be for my husband only. He wanted to find out why he is so hostile and angry within himself. I told the counselor he left me. He said keep the door open , talk to him at least once a week, and maybe after a month or so go out to dinner or something to keep in touch with each other. He feels that even though my husband felt that he didn't help him, he then should go seek help to someone else because he feels he has alot of issues to deal with. But yesterday after the counseling I stopped by my moms house where he is staying and he was all dressed up to go out. He said he was going alone, I asked if I could join him, he said no. Then after my cards I went down by the house. He was not there. He was at the O/W house already. Would you believe that!!!!! I made sure he stayed over too, I saw him coming out this morning. I can't believe he is such a lier. I have a few questions. Seeing this, should I tell him to leave my mothers house and go with her???????? Should I tell him I even know about this staying over with her?????????????? Should I not go along with the being open with my husband since he definietly doesn't seem like he ever intends to come back. He did say, maybe divorce would be the answer in case he wanted to pursue or I wanted to purse other avenues with someone. I guess he pursued that one already. I told him he didn't give it enough time with us to think about divorce, I said just try the seperation for now and see if things change. To tell you the truth, I can't tell you what he said in that aspect, I really am numb with this entire situation. Should I tell him I saw him staying over all night?????????????

Didn't catch your answer if you had read Surviving an Affair or not. If you've read it, what part of the process are you in?

Are you in Plan A or Plan B or something else?

I hear you questioning him (nagging him) and generally LoveBusting all over the place. You are making the OW's place seem more appealing when you do that. What have you done to prevent the LBs and meet his ENs?

Where is the cut off between nagging and just plain questioning???????????????? I questioned him in regard to things pertaining to getting my trust back with him, but he didn't seem to want any part of questioning or talking about ways in which to recover. And now I can see why, he slept overnight at the O/W house the same say he told me he wanted to go it alone because he likes it that way. No answering to anyone. So, his intentions were not possitive toward our getting back together it seems..