I'll try to sum up all I have written in a <BR>much abreviated version.My husband cheated. He will not tell me with whom, nor would he have admitted it, if I had not caught him cheating. He tried to deny it even though he had actually seen me seeing him with another woman. He took her to a boat he had pursuaded me to sign for (he just had to have it), because his credit history was not very good at the time, and mine was. He drove her there in a classic car he purchased with money from the sale of a car he had me purchase for him.(That's another story and I'm trying to keep this brief). This took place several years ago, and he says he hasn't seen her since.<P>I am eaten-up inside because he refuses to disclose who this person is. If he is no longer seeing her (I have reason to believe she actually works in the same building with him), then why won't he tell me who she was/is, so I can put closure to this? I simply do not understand! I WANT IT OVER!!!<P>Too, he has been extremely, downright mean as of late. (Verbally abusive on a constant basis, and openly flirting,starring/admiring other women right infront of me, to the point of my extreme embarassment and heartwrenching pain). I have become angry when this happens,<BR>and have told him how disrespecful it is. He<BR>just tells me to leave him alone, deal with my insecurity, and "Shut The blank Up." <P>For the past two weeks, we have had no intimacy.When I've gone to bed, he shoves the blankets between us, and tells me to leave him alone.(This from a man who is normally interested every single night, no matter how I feel). Just this morning, he told me that if I wasn't on the computer so much, maybe we would have a sex life. This is the one place I needed to be to seek help, and he is using<BR>it as the reason we aren't having sex. He told me that I was being selfish and self-centered. <P>He actually left me a note laying on the computer. He wrote: "You have other things to do! Clean out this computer cabinet! Maybe I can use some of this stuff on my computer at work. LET'S GET HOT! I WANT TO SEE THIS DONE WHEN I COME HOME!" (Actual repeat of note). <P>We always do what he wants to do, go where he wants to go. I have been extremely supportive in his outside interests/hobbies, and have always attended whatever he wants to attend.<BR>When I'm working, he just goes without me.<BR>Now this demand that I "GET OFF THE COMPUTER."<P>Please, please,give me some advise on how to handle all this! Also, on how to improve the<BR>appearance of this text! (Ha)! <BR> <P>[This message has been edited by ckasinec (edited September 15, 1999).]<P>[This message has been edited by ckasinec (edited September 15, 1999).]<P>[This message has been edited by ckasinec (edited September 15, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by ckasinec (edited September 15, 1999).]

Hello Ckasinec<BR>It sounds like your H's little fling may not be over.<BR>Your discription of his actions sounds like he is looking for reasons to be unhappy<BR>in your marrage.<BR>It kinda makes me wonder why he is trying to isolate you from any support or help.<BR>I know that when my affair was discovered I wanted to come clean so I told my wife just about everthing that she wanted to know.<BR>Be carefull,keep your eyes open and watch your back!<BR>If you want to know more of my story,please lookup my wife's posts, she posts as bozos_deb.<BR>Good Luck and Take Care!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Mike<BR>People Who Don't Learn From History,Are Doomed To Repeat History

ckasinec,<BR>I dont mean to sound rude here but i am sorry NO ONE should be treated the way he is treating you! You need to get a grip cheating is one thing BUT abuse is another issue. My advise to you is to get out and get yourself healthy from the abuse you are going threw, I dont know how long this has been going on for you but my heart goes out to you as as dealing with an affair is hard enough with out having abuse as well. Please do NOT let this man make you feel in any way responsible for his words or his actions. I honestly believe you should seek outside help and leave this painful situation you are going threw. God bless you I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts !!!<BR>ginavan

When my H first started his relationship, he was very sarcastic and easily agitated. Also, in bed he would "wrap up" in the sheets or tuck sheets around him so that I was unable to touch him. I also had to initiate intimacy.<P>while he was sarcastic and a pain in the butt, he did not make demands or threats. Your H sounds borderline abusive. I would be fearful it would turn physical. You need support here and it would be a mistake on your part to give up that support system you can have here.

I'm assuming he wants you to stop posting here? My H tried the same thing. "Those people are influencing our lives...all you'll get are tales of woe...you spend too much time caring what other people think of OUR marriage".<P>My answer? "If you hadn't done what you did, I wouldn't NEED to be there".<P>He shut up.

hi ckasinec,<BR> First does he think he is your H or your Dad ? What my h said to you (debs_bozo, aka Mike) is true, of course he didn't have much choice but to tell if he wanted to stay with me either, I made it clear if I caught him in one lie, I was outta here. The bible does say we are to submit to our H's, and to respect them, BUT it also says H's are to love their w's as Christ loved the church, in that He gave his life for it.<BR> Men are to lOVE us, yet we are not commanded to love them, I wonder why that is,<BR>If a woman feels her H truely loves her she will be happy to submit herself to him. From your post I don't see him showing you love, all I see is him trying to control you, and using sex, or the lack there of to make you do what he wants. Thankfully my H knows not to try that on me, he knows what my response would be, it wouldn't be postable.<BR> If you want the truth, you are going to have to let him know what the consiquences are if you don't get it. and don't let him isolate you either, this is a sign of an abusive relationship in the making.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>