I need some emotional support. D-day was in July and H kept saying he wanted to come back, but OW was always in the picture - never gone for even one day. I've been in Plan B for 10 weeks, and was getting much better.

Today I was at work and H called and said he was at my house and in the process of moving back in. I asked him to please wait until I got off work to discuss things. He said he was moving in and I had nothing to say about it. He needed a place to keep his dog. He and OW have been living together for about 3 months now. He completely denies that, but I know from her H.

So anyway I left work and came home. He already had some stuff moved in and said the police had a dispatch number and would be over if I gave him any problems. I told him we needed to discuss this and he said that there was nothing to discuss and that was that.

He said he would live here and not bother me. OW is still living in the house he rented. He said he is depressed and she cares about him.

I went to the court house to get a temporary restraining order, which was denied because he has not been violent yet. The judge told me the only way to prevent H from doing this was to get an order to "show cause" and a separation. So I filed for them.

I came back home and H was furious. He said that's what I wanted anyway and now he was going to play dirty. I went outside to try to calm down and was petting his dog through the truck window. He came screaming out telling me to get away from his dog, and stay away from his familly - the kids I helped raise and my grandchildren. So I picked up wrapped presents for them and threw them out in the street in the rain.

Finally his my step-son who was helping him move his things in told him to please leave for son's sake. H was raging, calling me terrible names, saying it was all my fault. I have been crying ever since.

Here it is two days before Christmas. I found out last night that my dad is dying of prostate cancer that has spread to his bones. (And I told H this when we were first talking, begged him not to do this right now).

Please help me, I am crying and can't stop shaking.

{{{{believer}}}}}
What a horrible thing to do... I am so sorry. That he knew about your dad, and still tormented you like this... I just cant imagine how insane you'd have to be to do this...

All of a sudden it's your fault? So, you did get him to leave? Can you get the locks changed today? Can you spend some time with a relative (after changing the locks)?

I wish I could help you... I just wanted you to know I feel for you... You will survive this. But, it is truly a shame... Take care - Dru

Oh no!

I wish there was something I could say or do! I'm utterly shocked!

All I can offer is my very best wishes to you.

Please find someone you trust and who cares to help you there. You deserve that support and comfort.

Oh, believer! Honey, I am so sorry about this turn of events. Yes, you were doing just fine, as we have discussed in the past, with your Plan B. Now in hindsight, we should have changed those doggone locks.

Timing sucks! The holidays and the news about your Dad.

{{{believer}}}

OK. Keep strong. We'll be here. Get away if you can. Be with family - those who love you.

I hope this is a temporary setback, just showing how selfish they are when fogbound.

We care!

*S*

Thanks for all of the support. H's sister just came by. He has been telling her that I won't take him back. He told her that OW is not living with him. I asked his sister if she wanted to go down the street and talk to OW's H. She said no. But she says that she always believed that H and I could work it out.

H and OW have been to her house a few times. Sister in law said that OW was very clingy. She asked my H how he could say he loved me and still go ahead with OW. He told her that I would not take him back. Neglected to say that he is still living with OW.

This whole day has been so awful, I can hardly believe it.

believer, I am so sorry for all this mess, but am SO PROUD OF YOU for holding your ground and not lettting him come back under these conditions. Can you imagine the HELL you would be living in if you had not protected yourself today? He was, no doubt, just moving back in because he needed a different homebase from which to court the OW and not because he is ready to work on your marriage. But you knew your boundaries and stopped it.

My hat is off to you! Even though traumatic, you had a very heroic day, because you did the right thing and honored your boundaries. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Believer, you have my tremendous sympathy and empathy. I know how awful it is to be caught in an unbelievable swirl of emotions like that. I know you didn't mean to throw the presents out in the rain and that you have no desire to hurt anyone in all of this. You were hysterical, and people do the oddest things when they're hysterical. Your stepchildren and grandchildren will, I suspect, understand. Please take care of yourself, and take the time to spend some energy on each of them over the next few days. It's important for you to reconnect with your family, including them, and to remember that there are a lot of people who love and support you. Now is the time to reach out to them.

And there's one thing that's important to say to when people tell you your husband said you won't take him back: "I love my husband and want him to move back in. As soon as he's completely ended contact with OW, I want to talk to him."

Don't make it any more complicated than that; now's a time when it's darned hard to remember your lines, and mostly this is about recovering from the stress of the last few days.

Good luck to you, believer!

Thanks for all of the support. I was doing so well in Plan B, I can hardly believe this happened. I can't believe I threw all of my grandchildrens Christmas presents out in the street. I went crazy. That's all I can say. This has been the most awful day of my life. I'm still crying and shaking.

Believer, it's time for you to get yourself calmed down. You're absolutely right that it's the worst day of your life, and that means that it's time for a bubble bath, a Xanax or a shot of scotch, and some shut-eye. Do whatever it'll take to relax you, hon. Tomorrow starts a new day. You are safe right now, in this moment, and that's what mattes. The rest can be dealt with over the next few days.

Okay, I'm calming down. I need to get up at 5:00AM and go to work and explain what happened today. I am very sorry for my actions, but it just hit me so hard after all of this time.

I tried to apply MB principles but it was just too much. My H is still denying that he has any part in this, he denies living with OW, the whole thing. He blames everything on me. It is just unbelievable. But anyway thanks for all of the input. I am going to go to bed and try to forget about this day.

Believer,
I do hope that tomorrow is a better day for you!
It has to be...and the next will be even better...
Believe in yourself! You are strong and you will get through this...
Close your eyes and breath deep...
You've recieved some great advice here...your friends are here for you!
Don't beat yourself up! Take care of yourself!

Thanks for all of the help and suggestions last night. It gives me more strength in making decisions. I just wish I could do it in the MB way. I am still thankful for Plan B. Can now look back on the marriage and see it was always H's way or no way. Before I just always went along with whatever he did.

I did write him a Plan B letter 10 weeks ago and handed it to him. It was very short telling him that I was sorry for my part in making the marriage bad, that I wanted to reconcile and go to counseling, but first OW had to be out of the picture. Later when he tried to contact me, and I asked him to refer to the letter, he asked "what letter?" It is the only letter I've written to him in the last 5 years. I guess I should have labeled it "Plan B letter."

Anyway I don't think we will ever be able to discuss anything - he refuses to let me know where he is living with OW, won't give me his cell phone number, etc. Yesterday when I came home from work, he refused to sit down, just kept moving things into the house.

It really made me feel like he has gone to a lawyer and was told to restablish residency here, since he has been gone almost 6 months, and I have been left with all the bills. So I will go back to Plan B and hope he stays away.

Wow! Don't be so hard on yourself, you did a great job! Taking committed action immediately when he violated your Plan B was a great step in taking a stand for yourself.

Throwing the presents outside was your emotional reaction to what he was doing. Makes you wonder if OW has left him, etc. At this point in time, you need to give yourself some pats on the back. You're doing great!

This is a very interesting time. Makes you wonder what is going on with their R that he is moving back for?

Perhaps he's thinking about the dismal Christmas with OW. Or perhaps she is leaving to spend time with family and he thought he could cozy up to the family to get his Christmas ENs met.

Good luck!!! You're doing great!! Quick action.

Have you been telling the family he's living with OW? Why don't they beleive you? Unless he's totally cut himself off from his family as well.

If this is his way to make it back to you...he sure is doing it in a disrespectful manner. Is it time for a reiteration of the plan B letter?
This times send copies to members of his family as well?

As they say on MB, you will know by WS's attitude if they really want to reconcile. Within 1 minute of talking to H, I could feel that this had nothing to do with reconciling. For some reason he was bound and determined to move into the house, and didn't care how. A friend suggested that he wants to establish residency in the house to make it look better for getting possession of it. He has been gone for almost 6 months, his stuff has been out, and he left me with all of the bills and payments. I think someone has advised him that this will not look good in court. That is the only explanation that makes any sense.

believer, bless your heart for having the strength to stand up to his assault. How horrible of him to do this to you just before Christmas. I hope you are feeling better this morning. BIG HUG!

Document everything. Include whomever may have witnessed this event. Keep a journal of dates and times, etc. What proof do you have of their affair? Phone records, credit card bills, etc.

You may need to speak with an attorney soon.

Your H doesn't sound like he's into marriage building ... right at the moment. You need to protect yourself financially.

Keep calm. You can only control yourself, not him, so don't even try.

Is there any way he might be a danger to you? Does he make verbal threats? Keep a voice-activated tape recorder handy, in case he does make threats.

In California, there was a recent murder-suicide where a man killed his 2nd wife because she was planning to divorce him ... and he also murdered his three kids from his 1st marriage so that his X-wife would suffer. Then he killed himself. Some people go nuts when their life is unraveling.... please be careful.

Safety first.

Pep

I have all the records, bank records, cell phone, motel bills, etc.

He did tell me that I am taking advantage of his depression by not letting him move back. I have been asking him to see a doctor for over a year, and my medical insurance pays for it. He refuses to go. I asked him if he has gone for help and he says no. He will not go to counseling either.

He says that his OW is the only one that loves him, that she tells him "to follow his heart". Yeah, meanwhile she is with him everyday, spending his money. She has left her H and daughter to devote herself to my H. Does not take care of her family and does not work. It is too hard to fight. I'll stay in Plan B.

Originally posted by believer:

He says that his OW is the only one that loves him, that she tells him "to follow his heart".

blah blah blah

fog-speak is just too predictable..... push your "ignore" button and just nod your head....

Pep

believer I,too am sorry you have to go through this resuurected pain I want to encourage you to not be too hard on yourself for your "crazy"albeit justified reactions I came up with sometthing once that really helped meI realized that H's nasty actions werer because of the force/power of the A and my actions and reactions crazy as tthey seemrd ewew my bebeingcontrolled by the force of the A as long as the
OP andA were part of our life in any way boyt H and I were going to besomewhat controlled by it he same wayI dont know if it wwould satill be on the board some where the subjrct line was THE
forFORCE OF THE AFFAIR I was Sudz back then

that theory really helped me accept my erratic behavior Boyh parties have to be sincere about rebuilding the M of course the OP must be histry you talk of grandchildren give them lots of love and kissessnuggles and hugs the next few days little people have a way lessoning our heart pain just try to get through the next few days if you need to get on the computer and typr youtthoughts nger &rage out just to get it out a bit and let off some of the pressure buildib=nd inside, this,too will pass even though it doesn't seem like it remember we cyber friends do care and are pulling for you.I don't know your story I'll try to read some of your posts so I can be up to date after Vhristmas


hugs and concern SudzP