My husband and I have been together for over 24 years, married 18 years. I found out about his affair innocently. I had absolute 100% trust in him so was therefore totally shocked. Overnight I became a basket case (and detective). He asked me to help him with a computer problem and I noticed a "sent" email with the subject Re: Rendevous. How could I resist? Anyway, he must have realized his mistake because when I came home from work that day all emails were deleted. (Of course, I had quickly copied all of them while he was in the shower.) He opened a new email account that very day and is using that one for communicating with the OW. I confronted him with what I knew (which wasn't much at the time) but he thought he was safe because he had the new account. Well, luckily I had internet explorer set to save all history so when I searched I came across the new Yahoo i.d. he was using. After trying every password I could think of, I finally succeeded and got to read all that was going on between them. Well, just recently, he must have thought I knew too much and changed his password so I am no longer able to see what is going on. This really has me stressed out. I have tried to crack the password again but, alas, have not been successful. Now I'm a little scared because twice I tried too many times in one day and that's when Yahoo asks you to type in some other word along with the password. I couldn't do that, of course, because I still hadn't figured out the password. My question (finally!) is: Would Yahoo have notified him that someone was trying to access his account and perhaps suggest he change his password again? I'm running out of passwords to try so I just have the feeling that he may have changed it again and I should try some passwords I have previously tried. My husband and his computer are abroad so I'm unable to use one of the keystroke programs to get the new password. (Also, not able to monitor what he's up to being we are apart!) When I knew what was being said between them, I was fine even though at times it hurt. But knowing was still better than being in the dark. He claims he has ended what he calls his "friendship" with OW but I have my doubts, of course. Hope someone out there has some answers or advice for me.

Fondly, Puff

Don't degrade yourself to try to figure out his password. Try Plan B until he comes to you ready to work on your M and collaberate with you in assuring you that OW is out of his life.

There is nothing degrading about protecting yourself. Puff, you need to get some Iopus spyware and you will have his new passwords and every key stroke he types. It won't record incoming emails but will record both sides of chat conversations.

You can get it at www.iopus.com. Get the Starr Home version and PAY FOR IT. If you don't pay for it, you will be in trial version and it will show a banner every time you restart the computer. It costs about $29 and is worth the peace of mind.

Important points when you install it:

1. Download it to your desktop [versus selecting "open" from website] - otherwise it will install and it won't be invisible.

2. When you install it, select "invisible" mode and click on "no" when it asks if you want a warning banner to appear.

3. reset the console to 20000 kbps so it doesn't erase everything and start over.

It is extremely easy software to use and has brought me absolute peace of mind in my marriage. However, you have to be prepared for the eventuality that you may see a very hurtful, ugly picture. At least you will know the truth.

If you need help installing it, come back here and I will help you.

Hi Puff,

Welcome to MB, although I'm sorry for the circumstances that bring you here.

Have you read the literature here on the Website yet? If not, please do. Also, you should order the book "Surviving an Affair", written by the Harley's.

The Harley's have put together a Plan A and Plan B, that are to BE USED TOGETHER and are not exclusive of one another, to help a betrayed spouse survive and navitage through this most devistating life altering circumstance.

God Bless,
Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Puff:
<strong>He claims he has ended what he calls his "friendship" with OW but I have my doubts, of course. Hope someone out there has some answers or advice for me.

Fondly, Puff </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Puff, the important thing here is to find out what exactly is going on so you will know how to proceed. You can't very well move forward if you don't know what is happening.

It is very bad for the marriage to make false/unfounded accusations against your spouse, but it is equally bad to ignore warning signs. The key is to find out what is REALLY going on. If you have the facts, then you can know better how to handle the situation. Snooping may also CLEAR him, which would ease your mind and prevent you from causing damage by making false accusations.

And oh, Puff .... regarding your concern about your husband being notifed of your attempted break-in to his Yahoo email acct., I suggest you create a Yahoo acct of your own to test the theory.

Create a Yahoo acct, and pretend to not know the password by trying invalid passwords several times to see if you're notifed in someway of an attempted break-in.

p.s. I agree 100% with Melody Lane, it's very important you know the truth.

Good Luck,
Jo

<small>[ December 26, 2003, 07:11 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Dear MelodyLane,

I would gladly pay for spyware but as I said in my post my husband and his computer are "abroad" at the moment. Any other ideas???

Fondly, Puff

ahhh, I missed that part, Puff! You can buy the Pro version and have the reports mailed to you with out him knowing, I THINK. But, you would have to have his computer to initally install it. And yes, I am pretty certain that yahoo does notify one of a password change.

Why didn't you confront him with the information you had?

There are millions of password combinations so you can't even really go there.

Yahoo does not show if you keep trying to use a password, even when it says you have reached your limit for the day!

One thing you COULD do is change the password and he couldn't even retrieve the e-mail.
Just go to Yahoo and click on 'forgot your password?' and it will take you to personal information and if he filled it out correctly (name, address, pet's name etc.) you can change the password and you would be able to read any mail that was written to that account...until he realized it was not working, that is) Don't confess to changing it!
But if he put in false information, you would not be able to change the password.

If yahoo DOES notify of a password change, you would be the only one that would know because YOU would be the ONLY one with the new password!

So about all you can do, since the computer is NOT in your possession to attach spyware, would be for YOU to write HIM sexy exciting e-mails!

There are some really cute 'naughty' e-cards, that might make him realize he has a lover in you!

Did you read the message by Lostva, how she handled her husband even telling her he didn't love her? How her love and patience and kindness won in the end!

Read it and see if you might try her way of dealing with an unfaithful spouse.
Sincerely, Julie Jo

P.S. You know what they say about catching more flies with 'honey'! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ December 26, 2003, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

Well, you could try searching for his ID's on the net. Use dogpile.com, and type in each of his aliases. If he is using message boards etc it will usually find the name and you can go there and read what he says.

Scary stuff...I typed in my yahoo id to test it, and stuff came up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . It is worth a try.

Love and light,

Jacky

is anybody familiar w/excite email accounts?
does it notify the member of repeated attempts to access accout? when it says that it can email you a new password, how can it do this when your trying to get into your email account in the first place?

Puff,

Won't help you right now, but if you can get Spector Pro software on his computer it will email you copies of every email he opens, from any account. I got an eyeful that way.

~ Snow

thanks but i'm living in another state (not because of this) and didn't think of doing this while i was there (where our house is) last week. oh well! maybe i'll be moving back soon anyway.