Or, do you just want to NOT be divorced?

Just curious. I've been struggling with this one since last night, and right now, I'm torn between the two.

Thats a good question. I know in my own life it is both. I want to be married to a person that will be a part of me and share my life with. So, yes I want to be married. I am scared of a future without someone in it, not to mention the finacial difficulties, how the kids will grow up in a divorced household, will I ever find someone else, etc. So, yes I also just want to not be divorced. However, I feel that my W is the person I should be with and if we both work on filling one anothers needs, the life we can have will be much better than if I were to divorce and start all over...

I want to be married to a man who care about me and the children and for whom I can show care.

As it is now, I am not showing care because I feel like a poor substitute for Sophia. I am trying to look at my obstacles to being a good wife.

I settled for a bad marriage and it went really bad. I settled for asking myself "Can I tolerate this?" when he swore at me and pushed me and wanted to be off golfing and going out to expensive restaurants with another woman. I stopped settling when he was telling me she was calling, telling him she felt passion for him, and it would be rude of him to hang up. Where was his willingness to consider my feelings?

Now I'm in limbo. No matter what he does going forward, can I really get past this? I don't know.

I don't want to be divorced, but I sure as heck know I don't want to continue like this. A bad marriage is worse than divorce.