Link to my story to get you up to speed:

Hurting's story

I have found out that there is definitely more than a heavy attraction to this Dr. She has an infatuation with him and wishes to be with him in the future. She considers him her soulmate and longs to be with him. He doesn't seem to notice any of this, as this is all in her own mind right now.

She wonders if he is happy in his marriage and if he notices her. She thinks that he wants to talk with her because he has been hanging around her a lot more when she sees him. She also mentions that she has talked to him recently and she felt an instant connection with him.

Is this a good definition of an EA even when it is one-sided (her only)?

Another question I have is relative to any potential divorce proceedings, as she is deadset on that is what she wants. Does this EA help me with potentially gaining Primary or even sole custody of the children?

Add to this EA the fact that she has:
1.) Gone to 2 psychics
2.) On Anti-depressants
3.) Uses tarot cards to help her understand what to do next
4.) Asks her "higher powers" questions by holding a necklace with a cross on it over the palm of her hand. If the cross spins then the answer is a yes and if it moves in a straight line then the answer is no.

I look at that list and it looks like I am making it all up. Trust me, I wish I was.

Do these things show that she is emotionally and mentally unbalanced and how would that help me with child custody?

I know I keep asking about child custody even though I still want to try and turn this marriage around but I am still gathering all evidence right now and preparing myself just in case it comes down to it.

Thanks and God Bless

By the way, I got all the information about her "infatuation" with the Dr. through a journal of hers that I found. Was that wrong of me? I have read on here that snooping is ok if it is done for affair research.

Good Lord, she sounds like my H did 4 years ago. Depressed (only DH refused treatment for that until he actually ended up in a breakdown), in a one-sided EA, looking to the spirit world for guidance (from someone who had formerly been very grounded).

In my case, my H confessed his attraction to his co-worker, who promptly told him to go home and work on his marriage. Of course, to him this was simply evidence of her sterling character. He decided he needed to get out of the marriage and then he could pursue his destiny with her...which he just knew she wanted despite her words, since he could feel her presence pyschically in his mind at all times.

It was a very weird time. I did a good Plan A, and he ended up pulling out, getting help for his breakdown, and then after that we did some counseling together...and all ended up very well.

I think you are right to keep up the Plan A, and I am glad to see she is talking to pastor, counseling with you.
As to whether or not all this would help you if it does come down to a custody case, I've no idea. But I would keep notes. It may get weirder before it gets better.

Good luck--

Kathi

Hurting,

Yeah, what Kam said. Keep up the Plan A.

Keep a journal. Document her actions (in case this ends up in court).

It probably will get weirder before it gets better. Keep yourself grounded, keep (or get) yourself close to God. Pray a lot.

One other thing: Keep your thoughts about pursuing child custody to yourself. If you continue to question her along these lines, you are sending the wrong signals....that ALL you want is to divorce, TAKE THE KIDS, and get away from her.

What you should be saying to her is, "Honey, I believe we can work through this. I love you, I have always loved you, I will always love you, and I want us to stay married."

Then drop it, and go on with your life and your Plan A. Don't let yourself get caught up in the drama of it all.

BTW, one thing that might end her "infatuation" quickly is if Dr and/or his W are made away of your wife's infatuation w/him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Yes, it is a LB, but it might cause him to pull away from her (waaay away), and that might snap her back to reality.

Ya might want to hear from some "experts" about this, though. Anybody agree with this idea?

God Bless, Hurtingin

Hi Hig,

I just had to respond to the fact that your W has gone to pyschics and is placing her faith in "otherwordly" answers for her questions.

I am curious about this and wonder if many WS's do this.My WH told me that when he was at OW' home(she lives with her parents!),a "family friend" of theirs who is a psychic told the mother that my WH would be coming into their lives and that it was meant to be,bvlah blah blah.

My WH actually BELIEVED what they were telling him even though he had only known this OW for a few weeks(I'm sure OW mother put her up to this) and all of a sudden,he is telling me how this was meant to be by all these silly references to movies and such.Really grasping at straws.Hmmm.I guess whatever works to help them make the fantasy reality.

O

Thanks for the responses.

lupo - I have started to journal everything and I have made copies of some of the stuff that she has lying around and in other various places. I feel so terrible sometimes about snooping for information but it is the only way I am getting the truth. She has been lying about a lot of things lately.

I am keeping the child custody stuff to myself and my lawyer. I haven't had a conversation with her about custody in 2 or 3 weeks now.

I have had a lot of thoughts about speaking with the Dr. about this. My intent now is to wait until I get in with my therapist next week to determine if this will actually be a good idea or not. I would hope that if I did approach him, then he would act similar to the way the lady in Kam's story acted. This should be enough to shock her a little and hopefully make her realize that she is in a high-school teenage infatuation moment.

Oh and by the way, my W doesn't know that I know about her longings to be with this Dr. She has only confessed that she has an attraction and that is it. It will definitely be a LB when she finds out that I know and how I found out myself (from snooping of course).

God Bless

Hurting,

Man, she sounded very much like the way my wife is feeling right now. The only different is that she has an EA with someone she talked to on the internet, evnthough she never meet him or see what he looks like. She has been nicer to me lately and for the first time she admitted to be struggling with the thought of either stay in the marriage and work it out or get a divorce. She has alwasy maintain that she wants out and there is nothing that will change that until 2 days ago, so I don't know if this is a good sign or bad. Anyway, I feel for you brother and will be praying for you.

Hurting,

My 2 cents: Your wife should never know that you have any info that she herself has not shared with you. My personal experience, was that I snooped, found a long emotional letter my Hwrote to the OW, confronted him.

Months later, when talking to a professional (shrink) his comment was that I had shut off the source of my best information by revealing what I knew and how I knew it.

Others here probably disagree with me, because of the policy of total honesty, but once you let the WS know your sources, the sources will be dried up.

Keep on Plan A'ing.

Did all the weird stuff start after going on anti-D's? Maybe she is not on the right one and this is causing her to obsess over this doc?

Belle - I'm definitely staying on Plan A. No intent to move off of that yet.

SoD - The weird stuff like the sprituality things started within the last month. I found out yesterday that there is a nurse that she works with that is into the spirituality thing (Tarot cards, psychics, higher powers, etc.). Friends tell me that she is hanging out more with this lady than anyone else right now when she is on shift. She is now reading the Tarot cards nightly and keeping a journal of that lately.

The Tarot's are telling her to follow her hunches because a love affair is likely and in sight. This, of course, doesn't help because she is starting to believe this stuff. The Tarot's are also telling her to let go of her past and focus on her future. She of course probably reads that as jettison the husband and look for new.

She has been on the same Anti-D (Celexa) for a little over two years now. Multiple people have asked her to switch yet she says she is ok. She does have to switch as soon as this supply runs out because insurance has changed and they don't support Celexa anymore. She has a prescription for Lexapro but has yet to fill it. Actually, I think she stopped the Anti-D's two weeks ago and hasn't been taking them since.

God Bless

Actually Lexapro is pretty much the same as Celexa.

If she's been on Anti-D's for 2 years and abruptly stopped -- that is not a good thing.

How was her Christianity before all this? Because if she is a Christian -- the whole Tarot card belief and reading is considered Satanism especially taking it as far as she is taking it.

Hi Hurting,

I, too, live in Georgia and the primary thing they look at when determining custody is who has been the primary caregiver for the children. They try to maintain as much consistency as possible for the children going through such a difficult time. If your W hires sitters so she can go out, keep a note of that in your journal. If she forgets to pick them up from daycare, make a note of that. If you go to their activities but your W doesn't, make a note of that.

When children are 11, their wishes will be listened to by the court but do NOT have to be a determining factor - that is up to the court. When the children are 14 their wishes are followed.