I asked my FWH to describe the first sexual encounter with OW#1 and OW#2. He did, with details. Although his PAs began in 1992(OW#1) and 1997(OW#2), he described their "first time" as if it happened yesterday. He remembered everything. He has described each affair overall in general terms but I can tell he remembers each and every time they were together. What they did, where they went, what she wore, etc.. I later asked him about our "first time" and he didn't remember it. He was also hard pressed to remember good memories we shared during our marriage.

I guess I am realizing that his memories of these women will always be there and they will be good memories. OW#1 was 26 and H has only seen her once since A ended. What he remembers is that 26 year old woman he loved and had a PA with. Not as she would be now. The PA with OW#2 lasted six years so he has many good memories of her.

It is very sad to me because he has years of memories that I cannot share. I know he must think fondly of them even though his As were the worst thing he could have done to US. It worries me because I have read that MM will often return to their lovers months or years after the A ended.

Has anyone else's WS shared memories of OW/OM? How do you cope with memories you cannot share with your H/W about events that happened during your marriage? How do you adjust to that "quiet" time when you wonder what they are thinking about? I read WS get flashbacks too and I don't think my H would share his thoughts about OW with me.

Dear Toofargone.
How FORTUNATE that you and your husband are back together; you have the perfect opportunity to make a sexual memory of you and he together; one he can go back to in his thoughts!

Use your imagination!
I will share what I did to make a memory!!!

I first searched the area for a place to 'park' so we could be in a private place!

I invited him to go for a car ride on a Saturday afternoon.
I wore a skirt and no panties.

I want to word this so as not to be too graphic but I want you to get the idea! I hope you make one of these special memories with your beloved!

I sat sideways on the seat and lifted my skirt and let him 'touch' for awhile.

Then I unzipped his pants and got 'it' out and gave him some good suc----!

Then I directed him to the place in a wooded area; back off the road.
We kissed passionate kisses like lovers do (and we hadn't done for a long time!) I let him nurse for awhile on my tities and then I got on my knees with the car door open as he stood outside and f----- me.
This made a GREAT sexual memory for both of us!

I am writing this so you will see that you can make your own NEW sexual memories with your husband; a special 'wifey fantasy' for his mind to go to!

When I found out about his affair, I realized how 'ho hum' our sex life had become.
From that moment on, I became a 'hot lover'.
I had every right as his wife to play the part that OW play! I became VERY creative!

I know he looked at every part of her; I decided that it was time he investigated MY body in the light!

We so often take for granted our mates; letting other things in life take priority.
Everyone needs to feel love and affection and for us; the 'affair' just made me realize how much I loved him and did not want to lose him.

Sincerely Julie Jo

I agree with BLESSED TIME. Make new memories now. He chose you and will eventually forget about the OW. They continue to be somewhat in the fog for awhile. Once that is really lifted, he will only remember the present good times with you. I relate to your feelings about memories of the OW but we have to put that out of our minds and make our claim of our territory as BLESSED TIME so vividly explains. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We are not really "together" yet. And for SF? Forget it. Nothing is happening in that department.

I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I certainly don't think 'fondly' of the exOM. Yecch! It was the low point of my life.

Please try your best to quit worrying,obsessing over this issue. He chose you, right?

Do your best to build some memories of your own, one day at a time.

Sometimes our minds are our own worst enemy. Make an effort to let it go.

Just my take,
HP

I have your same question. I remember that Lady Dianna said of her marriage, "It's a little crowded with three in the marriage."

It's taken me a long time to realize that this is the problem. The last MC told me that she thinks I can get over an affair if we just concentrate on building a relationship, and so I tried. Well, the thought of his touching me repulses me, and I couldn't even manage 10 minute conversations to build emotional intimacy.

I hope you are not offended by this.

I'm a strong believer in the MB principles.

It seems that you are not able to do the steps necessary for RECOVERY of your marriage.

PLAN A for LIFE! Meeting each others' emotional needs.

Steve Harley himself got onto me about this. He told me that I needed to PRACTICE being a marriage partner with my FWH if I really wanted the marriage.

Maybe you don't want the marriage TOOFAR. It seems like your H does.

Yes, it is very possible I don't want this marriage and I'm not sure my FWH does either. I am sick of trying to "accept" everything that my H has done. Sometimes I feel it is weak of me to think of staying with him. A stronger person would have walked already.

Oh, the Princess Di remark hurts more than you know. H met OW#2 at a motel for their "first sexual encounter" the night she died in that car accident. The accident was announced on the TV right before my H left to go to other woman. (He told me he was checking out a place to hunt dove -- is that what they call them now?) Now every time I hear Princess Di's name it makes me physically sick.

Oh, forgot to mention. My FWH has told me that unmet ENs in our marriage had nothing to do with his affairs. He was attracted to these women, had the opportunity, and didn't want to say "no." He said the affairs had nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do.

He said his affairs were fun -- like a recreational activity.