This is my first post although I have been lurking around and reading them for awhile. My problem is this: What constitutes involvement with OW? OW emails WH every once in a while. The last one I found was in Nov, which he had replied to. He said that he wasn't writing to her, only replying to hers. I said its same thing. I believe he feels some responsibility to her because as he told me, "She was there for him when I wasn't." I want her gone from our lives! I raised cain and he said that really makes me not want to talk to her anymore (very sarcastically). He doesn't want to talk about it all because he says it just causes problems. Does he really think this is going to go away? Anyway, I found in the temp files where he got a message from someone that could be her (different screen name but close). I have thought about getting a keylogger since I can't get into his email but really having a problem with that kind of deception. What I want like a response to is should I be thinking about plan B if he is only replying to her emails or should I assume he is still seeing her somehow? I must admit that I haven't been following plan A very long although I tried for some time before I achieved it. Just so tired of always being the one who has to hurt. He got mad when he found out that I had searched the internet files. Said that I deserved what I got and that he didn't flaunt it in my face; everything would have been fine in 30 years if I hadn't done it. Has always said he never intended to leave me for her, that it was because of the trauma of his fathers sudden death last October. He felt that I wasn't there for him and he needed someone to talk to. I don't think (should say hope) that he isn't meeting her in person. I would really appreciate some responses to this. Thanks in advance for any help you can give. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Lioness, welcome. I'm sorry you're here, but I'm glad you've asked for help.

Your husband is still speaking fog-talk to you. What does that mean? Pretty much it means that he's still lost in the emotional difficulties of the affair. Until contact with the OW ends, he's not going to get better. Should you feel bad about monitoring his actions and behavior? Nah. He's reacting exactly like a teenager does when they're caught doing something they shouldn't: Deny, cover up, blame other people.

Come to think of it, almost everyone has those tendencies now and then. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So, continue to monitor. Continue to explain how much his continued interactions with her hurt you. Continue to be calm, courteous, and respectful.

And start to talk about the affair to other people. Not in a way that's hurtful to your husband, but in ways that make clear that you want to stay married, that you and he are both hurting, and that you need help and support to end the contact and to begin healing.

It's hard to do, but it's well worth it. Again, welcome. I'm sorry for your situation and glad that you found this place.