My wife has a relationship with an out of state co-worker. D-Day was 10/11. We nearly split up one month later when I caught her in a lie about working with the OM who was visting our city. He actually saw me that evening and apparently was very scared of me. Numerous discussions occurred between my W and I since April about our relationship and I continually suggested MC but she has refused.
I had access to online cell phone records but she changed the password. She had been speaking with him weekly, sometimes 4-5 times per day. She never came clean with regards to her A but she swears it is over between them but they need to maintain contact because of work related issues/meetings, etc. I understand from a friend that they have slept together several times...she only claimed 1 time in June at a business trip (she travels frequently for her job). There is another trip in early February and the OM will also be there.
We actually had a good 3-4 weeks since Thanksgiving, visited her family out of state, were intimate a few times, exchanged Xmas gifts, parties, etc. Two weeks ago prior to Xmas I asked her if she missed him and she said no...I told her you have lived the fantasy and I haven't and I am sure it must be difficult to let go...she didn't say really anything at all except she is committed to me. I told her all I have been trying to do is save our M but at what cost? Honesty and trust are nearly gone...and I have changed by going to counseling, reading self help books, etc. but you need to change also if you want this to work. She says she is trying...but does not offer up any concrete plan. Except, she is still there and has not left, it's over between them, etc.
My W had won a trip to NY first week of December which I did not go to. The OM also went and brought his W. I found out he spent some time in her room from a friend but nothing happened. I wonder if he told her to chill out for a few months or something like that. Well, I checked her cell phone...and he had called her on 12/15, 12/17 and 4 times on 12/19 prior to our Xmas trip....and he also called her yesterday morning. Not sure if this is just work stuff, but how am I supposed to move forward if she won't share with me this side of her life? I had previously asked her to show me cell phone bills to be honest. This has not yet happened.
I truly felt I would be LB big time if I let the OM W know, but am close to reaching this conclusion. But, I am also trying to do a 180 and let this all go and see how if she moves forward with me. I have also contemplated calling him directly but have not done so.
Any advice? I think I know what to do. Her birthday is next week. I am debating on asking her the following to see her response:
1. Do you love me?
2. Do you want this M?
3. Are you willing to work for it by seeing a MC?
Sometimes I seem fine, others not so well. It's hard to trust once it is shot and the other person does not share things with you.
Thanks for any help.
