What will 2004 bring to us?

I'll tell you my thoughts first.

Not a resolution, per se, but rather a promise to myself: early in 2004 my life will be very different - I will either be hard at work, rebuilding my M with a totally re-committed spouse or I will be starting the divorce process. I have been at this too long with little resolution either way in my life. It's time for something to occur. No more fence-sitting for me.

Yes, I want my M to survive, but you know what? A M requires two people for it to survive. And you can only Plan B so long before you realize your WS doesn't care - or care enough - to do the work necessary to maintain the marriage. Then it's time to take the necessary steps to put everyone out of their pain.

Anyone else care to add their plans, goals, resolutions?

Happy New Year to All!

Sparkel I'd like to add that I too will be making some serious changes in my life. My goal is to learn and work the MB princeples and seriously work towards accepting reality for what it actually is and finding inner peace. I pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom to get where I need to be in my life.

Ugh. I usually don't do the new year resolution thing but I will say that I will hope for the best outcome in my life,whatever that means.I would like to think it will be that my WH and I are on the road to recovery but who knows. Like you sparkle, I will not be in Plan B forever and there will come a time when I will make a decision one way or another at some point if my WH doesn't get a clue.

I do know that I do NOT want for next Christmas time to be sad like this past one so I hope things can get resolved before that.

Now I'm depressed.I never did like those resolution lists.I feel like 2004 will be just as tough as the last few months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

ok,I'm on the pity pot so I better go do something else for awhile.

O

Well, WW left me about 2 minutes ago to go back to OM. My resolution is that I will not let her come back without her earning her way back. This is the 3rd time she has put me and my family in way too much pain. I resolve to have a better life without her in it and be the best dad I can be for my kids...

I almost feel relieved that she has gone. I have been on pins and needles for the last few days not knowing what she was going to do. I know at least this time I did a lot better plan A for her and I think she knows I will do whatever it takes to put 'us' back together if she ever decides to come back...

I don't wish bad things for her but I think she has got to hit rock bottom before she realizes what she has. And I think she is in for some bad times and a very rough road ahead. I hope 2004 will be the year she either makes it or breaks it... Me too on that one...

Robbed,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'd like to add that I too will be making some serious changes in my life. My goal is to learn and work the MB princeples and seriously work towards accepting reality for what it actually is and finding inner peace. I pray that God gives me the strength and wisdom to get where I need to be in my life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I too pray that your M will benefit from what you are learning about the MB principles and that you find the peace you are seeking. We all need to strive toward that goal.

Octobergirl,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Like you sparkle, I will not be in Plan B forever and there will come a time when I will make a decision one way or another at some point if my WH doesn't get a clue.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Keep us posted...we are there for you, and I couldn't agree more. Regardless of where we are in life...early 20's without kids, 30's with kids, older folks with/without kids and grandkids, we are all sharing the same pain, humiliation, betrayal, and hope for the future. God help us all to find the strength we need to move forward...whatever forward means.

Still to Octobergirl:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now I'm depressed.I never did like those resolution lists.I feel like 2004 will be just as tough as the last few months. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't like them either...that's why I said, they are promises, goals, ...and reluctantly, resolutions. Honey, don't be depressed. Remember how good this MB site has been for you...and you have GIVEN much as well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> 2004 will NOT duplicate the last few months!

lost-without-her

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My resolution is that I will not let her come back without her earning her way back. This </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OH, Lost, thank you so much for that. It ia amazingly empowering! You are soooooo right. And yes, she/he (whoever our WS is) does need to hit rock bottom.

OK...here's to the WP hitting rock bottom very early next year and realizing what they have/had and are missing!

Once Again, HNY

Hi again,

Thanks sparkle.Sorry I was down,was just momentary.That still happens but it doesn't last as long anymore.I am ok now.Went and had some cookies and milk! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cheers to the WS's hitting rock bottom! I hope we all can find peace of mind and heart this New Year!

O

And, I am looking forward to being at my beloved home and doing gardening in the Springtime.

Oh, one other resolution for this year. I was in some bad turmoil during the summer and pretty much missed it here. It is very short, I live in Alaska, so you have to take it in as much as you can. I will have a GREAT summer this year!!! I will catch a LOT of fish!!! My resolution: Fish 'til my arms hurt!!!!

My horoscope (from www.freewillastrology.com, the best horoscopes around) for this week says this:

"I invite you to meditate on death not as the end of your actual physical life, but as a metaphor for killing off beliefs and habits that are outworn burdens. Once you've come to understand that this kind of death is an ally you'd be wise to have by your side all the time, you'll be able to enjoy the rest of this horoscope. Seriously, Libra. Don't read on until you are convinced that the "good death" I described is an asset you want. Ready? Your assignment in the first two-thirds of 2004 is to die at least once every month. If you do it right -- that is to say, with grace and flair -- you will be blessed with a glorious rebirth by next October. [Yes, I'm a Libra.]"

I personally love this horoscope, and hope to spend the year exactly as suggested -- dying to the old beliefs, thoughts, and ways of acting that bring me less rather than more.

For one thing, I'm gonna die to the whole guilt thing. If I'm standing at the fridge eating ice cream to make myself feel better, then darn it, the LAST thing I need is that mom voice in my head saying, "You're going to make yourself fat, dear!" To heck with it and all similar thoughts!

Happy New Year, everyone!

Hi Sparkle

Funny I was thinking of posting something similar. I agree resolutions suck, but I like to think that we can make some promises to ourselves, or goals.

Well, 2002/03 were not happy years for me. My first promise to myself is to try to be as happy as I possibly can. I know we can't be a bundle of fun all the time, but at times during the last 2 years, I have sunk so very low and become so very depressed, and basically, that just isn't me. So, I am going to make a determined effort to try and stay positive and happy, and use whatever means I can to do that - surround myself with friends and family, keep exercising, ride my bike and look forward to some exiting travel plans (Vietnam in February to start with).

This year I turn 40. It scares me a little. In some ways I'm quite philosophical about being 40 - nothing you can do really, so you may as well accept it. But as I turn 40, I feel in some ways very much alone. I don't think that's a bad thing, but I am hoping at some stage that I can work things out with Yank BF (well, currently X), so that at the very least we can be friends. So many losses in the last few years, I want to work harder on keeping friendships and relationships that are important to me. We all know how easily Rs can be damaged.

Lastly, (BTW, I say this evey year <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), I seriously want to loose some weight. I am quite fit and healthy, but it would be much better if I could shed some of those unwanted pounds. As I said at one of my gym classes this week "Yes, I have a very serious injury, which is a particular condition at this time of year. It's called Christmas Lardy [censored]" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Happy new year to everyone.

Lisa

Let me pitch in too ... not in any order of important:

1. Get rid of my baggage#1 (financial settlement and other financial issues)
2. Verify I am done w/ my baggage#2 (no relapse for 9 months and counting)
3. Going for master degree in MFT (marriage family therapy) in Fall' 2004
4. Loose 10 lbs then weight lift to gain it back in muscle plus get my 6 packs back. I am right on my standard weight.
5. In 30 days. I will make a major decision in my life, I need to grill it over and over. Classical issues, either I burry myself in seeking my goal by myself or I look for someone to share it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As always, no need as resolution, keep living by HIS words in my actions and my daily life.

Live Love & Learn -rh-

Wow! redhat...very cool. You've got your "stuff" together.

Good luck to you in 2004. And MFT - how great is that!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by *Sparkle*:
<strong> Wow! redhat...very cool. You've got your "stuff" together.

Good luck to you in 2004. And MFT - how great is that! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am far from getting my stuff together, specially #5, I 've grilled it for 2 months and I will give it more time.

Yes, MFT, I know this is my calling. I have a gift of counseling from HIM that I didn't know that I have it. This A is 2x4 from HIM and I know that HE wants me to go through certain life experience to shape me & strengthen up to get ready to be HIS light & salt.

-rh-

<small>[ January 01, 2004, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

Just J,
I'm Libra too. I love that horoscope. It's a good one to abide by...No Guilt, man, I need that!

This year I am going to ACT, instead of being a spectator to the crap in my life that gets me nowhere, I will do something about it.
If financially, I need to screw WH to the wall to protect me and the kids, then that's what I will do.
No more watching and waiting and hoping he's going to do the right thing, both financiall and maritally and parentally(word?).
I need to ACT now, before we lose the house, etc. Can you imagine the additional trauma for the kids right now?
No Way! I will do it.
He can have his new life.
I will hold on to the parts of the old life that suit me and the kids, and add to it the changes that are necessary to make us and keep us happy and healthy!
Starting today....1st call from WH in my latest attempt at Plan B....only asked him...support $$ of the week question and then "goodbye". He just hung up.
I can do this, I will do this!
2004 will be the year of "SHUGAH"!
*Sparkle*, my last communication to you got me to thinking and I'm getting fired up!

Redhat,

Wow, those are some great goals. If you ever open a counseling practice in Alaska, let me know. I could use a good one. Happy New Years!

I am flattered. I would takes me about 3.5 years to get my license in CA. I use it for ministry in my Church while I am still holding my day job ... it is for free <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . However Alaska is way too cold for me, even San Francisco in winter. I am a tropical guy.

-rh-

The year 2003 sucked .
It is dead now. ThanK GOD.

This 2004 brings me new hope. I have atlast last all the OM baggages here. I am no longer an OM or FOM. I am an energetic single guy who will seek only single gals.

I am gonna work like a horse in this year. May be very less MB this year. Now i consider a veteran myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .( ha ha ha may be kid veteran)
So sont be coming here often.

resolutions:
Dont go near those MW who often goes crazy with you. No women would be better.Marry your work and work like hell.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dhanush:
<strong>resolutions:
Dont go near those MW who often goes crazy with you. No women would be better.Marry your work and work like hell. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, I am going to steal this one to be my #5.A ... lol!.