A while back xH and I conversed over the email on a number of topics concerning the kids. I was very nice and tried not to LB, wasn't always successful though but I tried. One thing that was brought up when things got heated was that he knew what I was saying on MB about him and HER and that I shouldn't be that way. I re-read posts and there wasn't any thing bad or negative there.

I guess what I don't get is why is he on MB reading in the divorce forum? He has never been known to check up on me or ever to be really concerned with what I was doing. This got brought up about a year and a half ago too, I didn't understand it then either.

January will be 3 years since his EA seen the light of day and he asked for a divorce that took almost 2 years to be completed. I've always heard/read that it is about the three year point when the fog may lift or everything hits the fan, I am thinking what is he in for!

I've been very concious of what it is I write here anymore and no longer vent with my friends as I don't know if he is still lurking or not. And then I wonder if it is him or HER that is lurking and then I have to wonder why would either need to be on the divorce board, other then to be noisy and why is it they need to know?

I am just really confused with this.

I am grateful to xH as he brought YD home tonight and took HER to the motel and left HER there while bring YD to my house. Who is it he is looking out for tho? Himself, HER or me, am not sure.

Anyways anybody that would like to step in with a thought or theory I would love to hear it, I am just trying to understand!!!!


Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,

Don't worry your pretty head about fog statements!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Just let him know in a smiling way, he must have you mixed up with the other several hundred posters. All the stories have such similar lines. Write or say it in your sweetest way. Then let them wonder whether you are or not. LOL!!!

L.

dawn...

guilt = defensiveness.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hugs,

Cali

Hi Dawn - My XW accuses me of "slandering" her when she hears of my infrequent communications with her sisters. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It helped me a lot when I stopped trying to analyze everything she does.

Why are you concerned with LB'ing him? If you stand on your principles, continue to require the right decisions regarding your children, and toe the line on all divorce decrees, these acts WILL BE LBs to him. Oh well.

Dave

Thank you all for the support and replies!! I do so appreciate it!!!

orchid, I do just smile or use my pleasent voice and words when talking wiht him, it really messes with him as he tries to put me on the defensive, I stick to the boundaries that I set, though.

cali--my thoughts exactly!!! Once he made the statement "stop trying to make me feel guilty"~~~ I said you shouldn't fell guilty if there is nothing that you have done wrong!!!

wat~~LBing him, I've tried not to so that stay the person that I truly am. I loved this man for all of my adult life, I don't want to be mean or treat him badly, I don't respect the man that he is or the choices that he has made though. I want to stick to my boundaries, concerning myself and my kids. I don't like it when I LB and usually don't til I am pushed or shoved. Someone told me "kill them with kindness" I try to use the philsophy in my likfe, I try to stay upbeat, objective, positive, but when pushed........ I've pretty much given up the analyzing things. The FOG just gets in the way and confuses what he says and does, but this is just one of those that I wanted input from others from. Some things you just got to know!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Daybreak,
I've said mean things about your H, and sometimes you don't even agree with me.

It isn't you.

And, you can be any way you want, he doesn't have a say anymore.

Afterall, he shouldn't have been the way he was either....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lor,

You are so right!!!!

But get this, YD stayed at motel with x last night and he was to drop her off on their way out of town. He couldn't stay til OD got home this afternoon!!!! Anyways! I was sitting here typing on computer and phone rang so went to answer it knowing that it will be YD saying they are on their way. So I answered all cheery with "Good morning" and HER voice says "hello" and I say hello back and she hangs up. Come in to finish typing and go get dressed when x and YD pull up!!! HER is not with them. X get D stuff from cars and says good bye in driveway, I asked if he had something he wanted to talk about said something last night, he said no, I said well I need to speak with you.

He comes in and I walk to kitchen so D can't hear everything and he wont come further then diningroom, so I move. Told him that I have been getting lots of hang up calls again, not saying that it is anyone but the last was just now was HER, how do you know was the reply, said that I know the voice and that it was her, and that I just wanted you to know. Says he doesn't think that she would do something like that, I said that is why I sent you the e mail she sent me. That I have tried to be nothing but upstanding in all of this and that she is the one that won. He didn't say much after that, said he would talk to HER. I am sure that is going to be a long 12 hour drive today.

I know don't analyze it, but can I just laugh!!! I feel like I am back in HS, if only I knew then waht I know now!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi Dawn,

From all accounts it sounds as tho there's trouble in paradise, BIG SURPRISE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Seems "HER" is still so jealous of you, guess she figured out she can steal your H, but she couldn't steal your sweetness, good mothering and all the other things that make you, YOU. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It's so strange that your ex-H and HER would be spending their time reading here, you'd think they'd have other things to do. Guess Fantasy Land isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Lv,
Jo

Jo,
I would guess not!!! Reallyb is sad when you think of all that was ruined because of THEM and they have nothing better to do with their time!

How was your Christmas?

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok here's another one for you today must just be my day!!!!!

My mom got a Christmas card/letter from my MIL asking her to forgive my x and that they didn't know anything til the divorce. Whgich is a lie and I wish that I could, (I want to) respond back to saying that I asked his family all for help when this all started 3 years ago, that someone needed to tell him that what he was doing was wrong, and what I got from MIL was that she doesn't interfere in her kids lives. Anyways, I sent a card up to OD house when x was here asked him to address it for the kids and have them sign and send, Didn't get done!!!!

So anyways today there is a package from MIL, haven't opened it yet will open tonight with all the other gifts that haven't been opened.

Just kind of funny how things happen!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My Christmas was good, thanks for asking. I'm sorry to say I'm glad the holidays are over. They're still a teansy bit tough for me.

I think from here on I'm spending my holidays in the tropics, Bahamas, Tahiti, etc. That way I can ignore them all together. I still honor what they represent and I am very spiritual, but there's no reason I can't do that in the warm tropical sun with my toes in the sugary sand, right?

Jo

You can do anything that you want Jo!!!! I thought about the same thing this year, it just wasn't going to be Christmas with my kids not all together!!! Maybe another year we can meet somewhere, I think Kenny Chesney has a song "All I want for Christmas is a tan"!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just love hearing THAT ... "You can do anything you want, Jo"? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Also, I like "No one is the boss of me" ... hee hee

My fav two lines .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ January 03, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

What an honour it must be, to know that your exH and HER are hanging on your every word on MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Hmmm... too bad they still won't "get it", b/c it's all about perception, and theirs is very negative, I bet. You could write a simple statement like, "The sky is blue", and your xH would probably read that as, "What she meant to say was the sky is NOT blue, but it's grey and darkening with tornadoes and lighting along the horizon". Damn you can pack a lot of words into "the sky is blue". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Obviously, things aren't going too great in "la la land", but what do you care? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> None of this is news to any of us. Just enjoy your growth and freedom from much of the b.s., and mourn when you have to, over his loss and ignorance.

Luv ya!
Karen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong> I've been very concious of what it is I write here anymore and no longer vent with my friends as I don't know if he is still lurking or not. And then I wonder if it is him or HER that is lurking and then I have to wonder why would either need to be on the divorce board, other then to be noisy and why is it they need to know?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dawn,

IMO, You should continue to come here and vent as long as you want and if they don't like it TOUGH.

If it weren't for their STUPIDITY you wouldn't be here in the first place so if they don't like what you have to say or if they're uncomfortable with it to bad is my thought.

If I were you I wouldn't hold anything back let them know how it is that they make you feel and again, if they don't like it that's their problem.

Don't give them control over you or your thoughts give them is a piece of your mind if you know what I mean. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Anyway, JMHO, you do whatever you feel is right for you.

Good luck to you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Dawn,

Tell 'em when they give you something nice to write you will. That's what I told the WS who was at several points quite angry I was on MB exposing the A to the world. I also told him this was therapy for me, that MB was giving me support because my H choose not to. I also told him that I was trying hard to find some good in this A thing and just couldn't see any benefit. I put him on a mission to go find me something good to say on MB and then he shut up.

It's all in the way one communicates. I have learned NOT to allow one's guilt or negative comments stick with me. I can hear it but learn to give it back to the originator. It isn't easy those 'originators' are quite good at dishing it out but they are usually bad at accepting their garbage. Hey, garbage in,..... garbage out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Jo & Dawn, can I join you next Christmas........

ToT, I pick the words that I use better when I vent or have to speak with x, it is something that I learned here. I don't go off on him as I use to do that in anger and hurt and then couldn't remember what it is I had said. So this way works much better for me. My x has accused me on two different occassions after him being here of being a hypocrite, and that really bothered me that he would say something like that about me, he knows how much my faith means to me!!! He probably said it for that very reason, but I decided I did need to be more careful!!! So that is where that comes from.

orchid, x didn't like me coming here at all when this first started didn't like me just talking to anybody about what he had done I said to him then perhaps you shouldn't have done what you done! Since you and I talked so long ago about re-wording things and making him take ownership of his own stuff, I've gotten pretty good at and the babbling, I've even taught a few friends how to babble!!! Works like a charm everytime!!!! My son really hates it when I do it to him!!!! It just flusters the x and he can't come back with anything for a day or two and then I babble him again!!!

sing, yes you may come with us next Christmas!!!! How did you and the boys do over the holidays? Are you going back to school tomorrow? We are!!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />