Well after all the cr%p I've been through after 12 weeks in Plan B, H called and said he wants to reconcile. He said he was in a fog last night (after I loaded all his stuff on his truck). He wanted to know if I will still take him back.

I told him I always wanted to stay married. Asked him if OW was out of the picture. He said yes, she has been for 3 days. (I have heard this same story 10 times). But the thing that gave me some hope is that he is going to make an appointment for counseling tomorrow. I am cautiously optimistic. I will believe it when I see it. I was so shocked I told him any kind of counseling would be okay, but now that I am thinking about it, I would prefer counseling with the Harleys.

I guess I will wait until tomorrow and see what happens. Thanks to everyone here who listened to all my ups and downs. I have really changed. Before I wanted to rub it in his face, have him get down on his knees, and jump through hoops. Now it is enough that OW may be gone and he wants to go to counseling.

There is no question that you should have him counsel with the Harley's. He's made this reconcile overture so many times, reminds me of the "Holler Wolf" story.

Steve or Jenn will be able to tell you if he's serious this time. It'll save you popping your head out of Plan B only to get it hit with a 2x4 yet again.

Give him the Harley's number and don't make the appt for him. This is his deal, he needs to take the "actions" on his own now because his words are cheap at this juncture.

Be cautious here Believer, and stay in Plan B until you've talked with the Harley's after his appt.

Very Best,
Jo

<small>[ January 04, 2004, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Thanks for the input. I called him back at son's house and told him I want to go through marriagebuilders. Told him to get the money up. He says he will.

Please pray for us. I talked to OW's H. He says they have not been in contact since New Years eve. He thinks I am making a big mistake by considering taking H back.

You are one smart lady, believer. And I have full confidence that you will handle this properly and not let him come back too soon. I agree you should work with the Harleys before you let him come back. Here is a post by Cerri about this very issue:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=024255#000006

Stick to what YOU want, Believer. No one has to live in your shoes but you.

I would only talk to husband to give him the number and end contact there. The more you talk with him, the more you can be drawn in again to a possble false start. You are still in Plan B ... think PLAN B, PLAN B, PLAN B.

Jo

Boy, Believer, I can sure relate! Now that I see your situation, I do see its similarity to mine.
If you haven't looked over my thread lately, read the advice given to me as if it was intended for you! I sure couldn't say it better. I wish I was fortunate enough to say mine had actually ended contact. Tell me--how does that feel? Are you plagued with doubts?
My prayers are with you. He might just get it together this time!

I agree w/ Jo. Don't break your plan B yet until you have talk with Harley. Let them coach both of you.

Remember ... it is up to him to ammend you.

1. M counseling
2. NC w/ OW (he has to show you & assure you)
3. Willing to work on M that is fillin your ENs and avoiding your LB triggers.
4. What are the self imposed penalty if he doesn't do it.

Those are the minimum.
-rh-

Thanks for all of the input. I am very fearful that this is more of the same stuff I've been through. It is time for him to step up to the plate and do something.

But I really have my doubts. I am afraid that this is more of the same old same old.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by believer:
<strong>But I really have my doubts. I am afraid that this is more of the same old same old. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Tell him and let him know that he has to do all the work to convince you !.

Hi Believer,

Not much I can add to the already good advice you are receiving here. One caution, however, as good as they are, the Harleys can't always "know if he is serious." Depends on how skilled the WP is at hiding things. Jenn couldn't see that my WP was FAR from ready and things very quickly fell apart. Just didn't want to give you false hope. Sorry.

But what the others are saying makes sense. Go S-L-O-W. You don't want to get yourself hurt again and you don't want to spook him so he runs for cover (or the OW) again. Baby steps.

Good luck, gal! It's about time we read about another success case...let it be you!

*Sparkle* has good advice.

Perhaps you could coordinate a session with either Jenn or Steve before your husband's session and tell them how many false starts you have had. They could perhaps take it from there.

I just want to put my caution in to you also. My WW has come back twice and went back to OM. I let her do this thinking she was serious both times. It not only hurt me but my kids have been through hell over all this. Just be careful...

We're pulling for you believer but if you can,just kind of pretend that it isn't really happening,almost like watching a movie,where you and H are the main characters(distance).In other words,keep that heart just as guarded as yesterday.

If it doesn't happen the way you hoped and it is a repeat of the same shpiel(?),you can walk out of the movie theatre with your head held high.

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

H came over and spent the night. He looked up the counseling here, and we are going to do it. He was very affectionate and we talked until midnight. Just talked about work and how people in his family are doing.

He left this morning and is coming back after work to talk about reconciliation. I feel a little optimistic, because he was just like himself. He took a couple of books with him - "Torn Asunder" and "After the Affair".

Caution...you may be moving too fast. He probably will quite making progress as soon as he thinks he's hooked you back in. Why did you let him spend the night before he's done anything other then talk about what he's going to do?

How do you kow OW is really gone?

I agree with everyone else...slow down, do not let him back home or date him again until you talk to the Harley's and set up a plan.

Believer,

I agree with ft,why did you let WH spend the night??! That was too fast.And being affectionate too,you should have kept him at bay.ugh.

Well,it might not be too late to go back to letting him enter your life again MUCH more slowly.Don't let him come back tonight for a repeat performance.Make him stay elswhere.

O

Can I say I was in the fog? It was just so nice to have him back around, being normal. Today I am just numb. I don't feel happy, or mad, or anything. I can't even think about all of the work ahead.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Believer - The Plan B waffler:
H came over and spent the night. He looked up the counseling here, and we are going to do it. He was very affectionate and we talked until midnight. Just talked about work and how people in his family are doing.

He left this morning and is coming back after work to talk about reconciliation. I feel a little optimistic, because he was just like himself. He took a couple of books with him - "Torn Asunder" and "After the Affair".</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WHAT THE .... ????!!!

Ughhh, what are we gonna do with you, Believer? lol

Okay, you know the drill and what may transpire.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ January 05, 2004, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Okay guys. I talked to OW's H last night and she and my H have had NC for 3 days. That is the longest H has ever made it.

3 days ... WOW <major sarcasm> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />