Okay thanks. I guess it would depend on where you are in things. After I recovered from the shock of being told about the A and set my own agenda for recovery, I would say that I had the upperhand.
I say that for several reasons. First since the OW espoused her honesty <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and pushed my H to be honest with me, I was party to reading all their written correspondance and knew that she was being lied to big time by my H. I also became a real good computer hacker, thanks to H, and read the increasing frustration in him not conforming to her ideals of what the relationship should be. I learned more later of her demands and it was laughable as she knew little of my H to even think such things!
The biggest thing that I did though was learn that I could handle anything no matter how it turned out. The worst thing that he could have done was have an A as it pushed me to become an independant person and I knew and planned what I would do should he leave. I took the time to learn a lot of things about myself, resolve a lot of outstanding issues and become an almost different person...just the kind of person that he wanted and needed...and the person that I wanted /needed to be for myself as well.
Also, I knew that she could not make him happy (this came from him), that his family was the center of his world, that the more she pushed the more he would pull away...in essence I knew my H and felt that in the end my patience would win out. I won't kid you, it was NOT an easy time, and the real breakthrough came several years after the A was over and I was ready to leave him! I would say that I came out of it much stronger, saner and knowing how I tick and that as much as anything gave me the upperhand by showing him that what he was looking for he already had, and had he not, it would have been his loss.
