Hi there,
My WH and I are at a new/interesting level of our R, and I'm just not sure where to go from here. After months of Plan A, I've decided to incorporate some 180's, as well. I'm just not ready for plan B, yet. WH and OW are done w/PA, however, they still see each other at work, and she, being very young and immature, continues to play her little head games with my WH. WH and OW have broken up 4 times now, and I have seen him through the early parts of withdrawal, only to watch him waver again, and again. He knows my intentions are to save the M, and he also knows that I am here for him. He says he knows that no one would love him like I do. To sum it up, we get along very well. We spent the holidays together, and although it was emotional for me, we carried each other through it for the kids.

We have lived together on and off since June of 2003, and have decided to live separately again three weeks ago. He is really trying to spend time "alone," by suggestion of his therapist, and seems to be doing ok with it. Months ago, he'd be begging for me to come over, or would head off to OW's.

Now to my point... WH is coming to a very slow realization that OW is not for him. She continues to play games, and hurt him. She is not trustworthy. WH tells me that he is not sure he knows what is going to happen to us (he and I), down the road, but that he can not work on us (MC, etc...), until he is totally over OW. He wants to be able to give himself 100% to me, without a thought of OW. I understand this, because it has been difficult being with him, knowing that he shares his feelings and heart with another. Is this a reasonable step for us? We both agree that we need to "date" again, to capture that "in love" feeling he felt we lost a year ago.

I so want to invest the time and effort, but don't want it to be just another delay in the decision process... He's just so confused. He says that everyone thinks he's nuts for doing what he's doing, he even knows that their R is weird. He says he just can't control his feelings. But, he's also been showing more remorse lately, and telling me that I have more integrity than anyone he knows. I think he's starting to realize what he's been doing to me. (Partly because OW has done it to him...)

Sorry this was so long, I just have so many "what ifs..." If only my crystal ball was working...

Thanks, MOP

He sounds like a prime candidate for "no contact". As long as their paths still cross, she'll continue to have free access to play her games. The more he's away from her, the clearer he'll see her for what she is. On the other hand, you must show him that you can be all the things he's wanting in her. My FWH was wanting an admirer, so I had to show him I could admire him too. He was wanting to be desired, so I had to show him that I desired him also.

Now over 2 years later, I take care to remember and fulfill those needs. Keep his ego pumped without being unbelievable about it. I'm constantly pointing out his good features and his good qualities. And I do my best to over look the bad ones.